Razorback

Scotty. Scotty.

Where's my little pal? Come on. Off to bed.

- (Whines)

- There, there, Scotty.

Now, now, now, now, boy. It's all right.

It's only the storm. Come on.

(Cries)

Yes. Here we go.

There's a boy.

(Animal growls)

(Growling)

(Snorting)

(Scott cries)

Oh, God! Scotty!

(Screams)

No! Scotty!

Where are you?

Come... Come back to me!

My little baby!

(Sobs)

(Man) This hearing is to determine

whether Jake Matthew Cullen

is to be committed for trial

for the murder of Scott Matthew Cullen.

(Man) A pig, you say?

(Jake) No, a boar. Razorback.

(Man) And this... this razorback

broke your leg

and carried your grandson away.

(Jake) Yes.

(People shouting)

You mean to say, Mr Cullen,

that as a kangaroo shooter

armed with a high powered rifle,

you were unable to kill

or even wound this boar.

The animal in question

is not a normal product of nature.

It's armoured in a thick layer of bristle

that can't be penetrated by a rifle shot

unless it's fired from underneath it.

Your Worship, we have already heard

expert testimony from Mr Baker

that he shoots

and kills razorbacks every day.

There are all sorts of razorbacks.

It's a hybrid species.

A freak. An aberration.

Aberration or apparition?

- (Laughter)

- (Judge) Quiet! Quiet!

Then the answer is no.

You were unable to wound it.

Well... you'd have to see it to believe it.

Indeed.

"Indeed. Indeed."

So, as a professional kangaroo shooter

and an expert on local wildlife,

how big would an animal, say, a razorback,

how large would a razorback have to be

to carry a two-year-old child

over any distance?

About four or five times bigger

than anything I've seen or heard of.

For an animal to have grown to such

a size, he must be shy and cunning...

Even an exceptionally large and cunning

beast couldn't have dragged the boy?

- Where to?

- Anywhere.

No, not for any distance.

The razorback's a kind of cowardly bastard.

Usually a good "Boo!" would scare him off.

(Sniggers)

Do you often leave the boy

with his grandfather?

I was away in Brisbane.

My mother was sick.

- Do you know what happened?

- Objection!

Overruled.

Dad said it was a razorback,

but what razorback?

Where is it?

Why hasn't anyone else ever seen it?

(Sobs)

(Judge) 'There is insufficient evidence

to support the charge.

'The accused is hereby discharged.'

(Growling)

- '... exploitation of animals.'

- 'Exploitation, honey? '

- Carl?

- Hello.

- Is it on yet, honey?

- No, it's still cooking. It's nearly ready.

Oh, you mean the TV? Yeah, it just started.

'They enjoy performing.'

'With cattle prods

attached to their genitals? '

- 'We don't used prods here.'

- Oh, God.

- Hey, I want to watch that.

- No, please, Carl, leave it off.

- Uh-uh. Don't you touch it. Here.

- No.

Come on. Just relax.

'That's a damn lie. Not one

of our wranglers ever used a prod.'

- 'Would you like to see the proof? '

- 'Honey, you and your... friends

'couldn't tell a cattle prod

from a pool cue.'

- 'They cause the same pain.'

- 'Don't play with me.

- 'I've been in the business for years.'

- Look at him.

- 'My reputation speaks for itself.'

- 'But the animals can't do the same.'

'You start with the horses and steers,

'why don't you go and save

the fleas and flies in the world, too?

'They're animals, aren't they?

People swat fleas.

'(Bleep) I got no time of day

for this (Bleep).

- '... fleas in America.'

- 'Cruelty to rats, too.'

Jerks.

The agency greenlighted

the Australia special today.

On the kangaroo slaughter?

I thought they passed on that months ago.

They changed their minds.

And they're insisting that I go.

Damn right you should go.

It was your idea in the first place.

Honey, that's terrific. Congratulations.

I'm scheduled to leave on Monday.

Oh, well.

Yeah. Oh, hon...

- What's wrong?

- Oh, I don't know.

Come on.

- Prenatal depression.

- (Laughs) Come on.

What about you?

Well, I'll be utterly

and completely miserable

but I can probably take care of myself.

- Really?

- Oh, sh*t!

Argh!

Come on.

Here.

- Will you miss me?

- Is the Pope Polish?

Does a bear sh*t in the woods?

I don't like being apart on our anniversary.

You know, there's a rumour going around

that they've actually got telephones

in Australia now.

- I read it in National Geographic.

- What would they know?

Well, I suppose if you're so determined

to run off again and leave me,

I should probably give you

your little surprise now.

Carl!

It's beautiful.

Good? Good.

Then it suits you.

(Caws)

(Woman sings and laughs)

- Ahem.

- (Man) Set.

We're 600 miles west of Sydney

in the outback town of Gamulla,

an aboriginal word that appropriately

means intestine or gut,

appropriate because Gamulla deals

in an economy of flesh and blood.

Last year, more than 800,000 kangaroos

and waballies... wobblies!

Oh! Erm...

- Still rolling. Still rolling.

From "last year" OK? Right.

Last year, more than 800,000

kangaroos and wallabies

were slaughtered in this district alone.

They were summarily gutted and quartered

and dumped at the Petpak cannery

eight miles from here,

to become dog excreta on the sidewalks

of Sydney, Hong Kong and New York.

That'll do. I'll do the pampered pet

routine in voiceover, OK?

- Well, how did I sound?

- Wobblies!

Friend of yours?

G'day. We'd like to book

a couple of rooms, please.

Beth Winters, isn't it?

The animal campaigner?

Yes, that's right.

How do we get a message out?

Radio phone. It takes time to get through.

Where are you ringing?

- New York.

- New York?

- You'll be lucky to get Burke.

- Let's start with Burke then.

Where are the rooms, mate?

We... we'd like to interview

some kangaroo shooters.

Anyone interested?

(Laughter)

- I see. Well, I'll just...

- Right.

There's no way the Petpak cannery's

going to agree to an interview.

How about we do a walk-in tomorrow?

You're the boss. All they can do

is smash my camera like in Dubbo.

Think positive.

You can collect off my insurance.

Just remember you're not in New York,

surrounded by animal lovers.

- Let's get set up.

- Now?

- Now?

- Hurry!

Sir? Sir, my name is Beth Winters

and I'm from the World Animal League.

How do you respond

to claims by scientists

that the kangaroo is becoming extinct?

Wouldn't know. I hunt boars.

- Boars?

- Razorbacks.

Well, boars or kangaroos.

You're a professional hunter, right?

You make your living

by killing wildlife, correct?

- If you say so...

- Well...

Erm... Roughly how many razorbacks

would you kill in a season?

There isn't a season for razorbacks, girly.

- Then why kill them?

- Oh, I don't know...

Blasting the sh*t out of a razorback

brightens up my day.

But surely...

Cut.

Come on.

(# Australian Crawl: Reckless)

Hello?

No... New York.

United States. America?

Erm... Sorry. Over.

Erm... No, I want to telephone there.

I want you to connect me

with a landline. Over.

Winters. Carl Winters.

He's the party with whom I wish to speak.

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