Real Genius Page #9

CHRIS:

Relax, it's just the fuses at the sub station. They'll have it back on in a second. More importantly, did we get a charge?

Suddenly there is a loud "crack" and the laser sends out a beam across the room, bouncing off the mirror on the wall., out the door, where it hits another mirror and disappears from sight.

MITCH:

Wow!

EXT. THE CAMPUS-CONTINUOUS

The beam has formed a web of light across the darkened campus. The effect is quite spectacular. People look in awe. Chris and Mitch exit the physics building.

CHRIS:

Follow the yellow brick road.

MITCH:

Have you ever considered the fact that you are completely wasting your life?

CHRIS:

Constantly.

The lights on campus come back on as Chris and Mitch continue to follow the beam.

INT. WAVE TANK BUILDING

An open window above the door lets the beam of light enter. Chris and Mitch enter.

INT. HALLWAY-CONTINUOUS

Chris and Mitch walk down a stairway through an open door, following the beam.

INT. WAVE TANK ROOM-CONTINUOUS

The place has been turned into an indoor Waikiki. The beam has been directed into a hood-shaped device that has split it into enough rays to cook a bunch of hot dogs and hamburgers on an improvised barbeque, managed by ICK, who is dressed for the beach and wearing a welding mask.

Past him we can see that there about twenty girls and some guys present. Several of them are water-skiing on the mechanically produced waves inside the tank, towed by an elaborated pulleys system. Others are frolicking on the "beach" and cut out palms stand around, achieving the desired effect. Blankets have been laid out and girls sit on them eating hot dogs and talking. There are sun lamps set up in one area and some kids are smoothing sun tan oil and shagging a few rays. Rock music fills the room.

ICK:

(lifts his mask)

Aloha.

ANGLE ON THE DOORWAY

A lot of the guys we've seen around the dorm have started to arrive. They enter hesitantly at Chris's urging.

CHRIS:

Come on in, boys. Surf's up.

Awestruck, shy but excited, they approach.

CORNELL:

(a nerdy student)

I have a geochemistry test tomorrow and I do not feel adequately prepared.

CHRIS:

But the main thing is you look good.

CORNELL:

Thanks.

MILTON:

What if we end up having too much fun and end up failing?

CHRIS:

And would that be the end of the world. Milton?

MILTON:

Yes, it would.

CHRIS:

Yeah, you're right. Maybe you should go back to the library.

MILTON:

Well, maybe I could just look for a minute.

CORNELL:

(noticing)

Are those girls?

CHRIS:

I haven't had them all tested yet, Cornell, but so far so good.

MITCH:

Who are they?

MILTON:

They're not from here. I'd know.

CHRIS:

No, no they're not, they're from a nearby college though.

MITCH:

Which one?

CHRIS:

The Wanda Trossler School of beauty.

MITCH:

They're beauticians?

CHRIS:

Not yet.

CORNELL:

Gee, I don't know...

CHRIS:

They'll teach you. Let's get serious here, lads. There are 670 guys at pacific tech and 136 girls.

MILTON:

A ratio of 4.93 to 1

CHRIS:

Good, Milton. Of the 136 girls, most of them can find guys a lot better than you.

CORNELL:

Oh, easily.

CHRIS:

These girls are not used to geniuses. You might impress them.

CORNELL:

I don't see how.

CHRIS:

Let me put this another way. Given the type of people you are and the environment you're in, you guys have to admit the strong probability that this may be the only chance you'll ever get in your entire lives to have sex.

There is a pause while everyone considers the hypothesis.

CHRIS (CONT'D)

Think about it.

He turns and heads into the party. After a beat, everyone except Mitch follows Chris's lead.

ANGLES ON VARIOUS ACTIVITIES- A LITTLE LATER

Water-skiing, dancing, a volleyball game. Most of the guys are making an effort to socialize. Mitch watches quietly.

ANGLE ON MILTON TALKING TO A GIRL OVER BY THE SUN LAMPS.

VIVIAN:

So, what do you guys do? Just be smart all the time?

MILTON:

Well...

VIVIAN:

What's your major?

MILTON:

Astrophysics.

VIVIAN:

Is that like sports medicine?

MILTON:

Space.

VIVIAN:

(impressed)

Oh! Let me ask you something about that. If I was on the moon, Could I like tease hair much higher?

MILTON:

Theoretically.

VIVIAN:

This is fascinating.

ANGLE ON another guy named Fenton and a girl. They're necking.

CONNIE:

My friend Evelyn, tells me that brilliant men are the best lovers.

FENTON:

I'd say that's true.

CONNIE:

Up to now, what's been your ultimate sexual experience?

FENTON:

I once fell off a ladder and landed on my sister, Bernice.

ANGLE ON CONNELL, and a girl in the tank. they both bob up out of the water. Cornell still has his glasses on. He takes them off and can't see.

LOUISA:

Why do you wear those glasses?

CORNELL:

So I can see.

LOUISA:

But you look very sexy without them.

Reflexively he breaks his glasses in his hands.

ANGLE ON MILTON AND VIVIAN. He rubbing suntan oil on her back

MILTON:

I really should be studying.

VIVIAN:

Me too. I have a bleaching final tomorrow.

MILTON:

(sneezing)

Achew.

VIVIAN:

Bless you.

MILTON:

I'm allergic to suntan oil.

VIVIAN:

Maybe you should stop.

MILTON:

(aroused)

I don't think I can

ANGLE ON CORNELL AND LOUISA. They are sitting on the "beach" toweling off.

LOUISA:

(very sexy)

You know, I read in the Enquirer that woman paid twenty thousand dollars for the sperm of a genius.

CORNELL:

Really?

LOUISA:

(putting her arms around him)

I've GOT TWENTY BUCKS?

CORNELL:

Do you have a cup?

ANGLE ON MITCH:

The party is in full swing and most of the guys have become very comfortable. Some are making out. Mitch now seems like the only one left out. he sees a pretty GIRL just coming out of the water. She adjusts her top. Mitch wanders over to her.

MITCH:

(with great effort)

Hi.

TAMMY:

Hi.

MITCH:

I was watching you...swim.

TAMMY:

Yes?

MITCH:

I was thinking of maybe going for a swim myself.

TAMMY:

Yeah? Is this the kiddy pool?

She exits, leaving Mitch devastated. He goes and sits in a corner. Meanwhile, Chris is looking around proudly. It's obvious he didn't see what just happen to Mitch. He smiles at the fun everyone is having. A girl passes him eating a hamburger.

CHRIS:

Don't eat that!

KIMBERLY:

Huh?

CHRIS:

Don't you know eating that stuff can give you very large breasts?

(mock despair)

Oh. My god! I see I'm too late.

She laughs. He puts his arms around her and they walk off. As Chris and Kimberly EXIT, we catch a glimpse of a face in a window. We push in to see Kent, spying.

INT. CLASSROOM-SAME TIME (BUT APPEARS TO BE DAY)

OPEN TIGHT on Atherton's face. He looks odd, as there are Kleenex tissues sticking out from his shirt collar. A hand comes into frame, holding a pancake makeup puff, and starts applying it to his face.

ATHERTON:

Christ, Don. I'm doing the best I can. You act like I don't want my own invention to work. There are only so many hours in a day.

CAMERA PULLS BACK

CARMICHAEL:

I agree. And what's more important, massaging your ego on television explaining the digestive system of a rabbit to the great unwashed or "project crossbow"

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