Rebound

Okay, Roy McCormick fan or not, you gotta

admit, the guy is a Cinderella story.

He grows up without two nickels

to rub together, and look at him now.

He's led Ohio Polytech

to three championships.

He is one of the best coaches

in college basketball.

And he's also the best paid,

but let's be realistic.

Coach Roy has not won

in, what, forever.

In my opinion, he's more interested in

endorsements than winning basketball games.

It's that simple.

Hey! Hi.

I'm Coach Roy.

When I get hot under the collar...

I cool off with Cool Breeze.

See, Coach Roy is slippin',

because right now...

his best statistic on the season-

eight technical fouls in his last eight games.

That's hardly championship coaching.

You ate eight hamburgers at lunch.

Look, the fact is this.

Roy has lost touch with the fundamentals...

and he's also

lost touch with his team.

Y'all can take some pictures, but I'm not gonna

be able to sign any autographs right now.

As you can see,

I'm very busy.

Roy better get his stuff together,

because otherwise, he'll be coaching at DeVry.

And they don't even have a basketball team.

And that's the joke, see?

Okay, guys, real important game today.

I need you to be 100%.

Unfortunately, I can't be there. I'm doin'

a photo shoot for Details magazine.

It's gonna run late. I'll be there

at halftime, and you'd better not lose...

because losing makes me look bad.

Coach Roy cannot be happy right now, Jack.

His team has a lot of work to do,

and not much time to do it.

It is crunch time.

This is where we're gonna find out...

what these two teams

and their coaches are really made of.

What are you callin'?

What are you callin', Earl?

Earl, what is that? What is that?

Keep it up, Roy.

Just one more word.

Hey, Coach, this is my nest!

This is my nest!

You need to do an endorsement for Altoids.

Your breath is humming!

Hey, clown.

You keep runnin' your mouth, I'm gonna

come over there and rearrange your beak.

You talkin' smack?

You talkin' smack, huh? You talkin' smack?

Shut up.

- No basket.

- What?

Why don't we play jacks?

'Cause we're not playin' basketball.

Technical foul, Coach Roy.

I- I was way over there!

That's two.

You're out of here!

- Just because- Did I do this?

- Don't touch my whistle.

Did I do that?

Did I do that?

- That's why you give me a tech!

- Hit the showers.

No, you hit the showers, Earl!

You hit the showers!

I'm not hittin' no showers!

Yeah! Kick him out! Kick him out!

Y'all didn't even ask me what went on.

Y'all just snatched me.

You know what?

Victor?

Coach Roy killed Victor!

You're crazy!

Victor? Victor?

I feel bad.

I feel real bad.

You know...

out there havin' temper tantrums

and arguin' with the refs.

Man, I should know

better than that.

You represent everything

that's wrong with college sports today.

You don't care about the players.

You don't care about the game.

If things don't go your way,

you explode like a spoiled child.

Look, if you're gonna fine me,

fine me, man.

How much?

'Cause I ain't got all day.

It's time for me to bounce.

What's happenin'?

It is with such pleasure

that I say...

that you, Roy McCormick...

that you're officially banned from coaching

in the N.C.B.A. for the remainder of your life.

You bannin' me, huh?

Yeah. Okay.

I been here longer

than all y'all.

You forgot about the three championships

I won, didn't you, Mr. Vice President? Huh?

And now you wanna ban me?

No, I'm bannin' you. I'm bannin' you for life.

- Can he ban us?

- Of course not! Stand up straight.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

"Prior to a lifetime ban...

"offending coach must be granted

an opportunity to demonstrate compliance.

"If offending coach completes the remainder

of the season without any infractions-

"ejections, criminal

malfeasance, etcetera-

he must be readmitted

on a probationary basis. "

In short, you gotta give Roy

one last chance to prove himself.

Yes, but it doesn't say I have to

let him coach out the rest of the year...

in my league.

Watch your temper, Roy.

Good luck finding another team.

We should go.

And then,

I'm gonna smash the guitar.

Good, 'cause if you don't, I will.

Dad call?

He comin' to this game?

Keep practicin', okay?

Come on. We're late.

Hey, hold it.

Hold it.

Okay, look.

I would love to tell you...

that everybody you meet in this life

was gonna be great...

and you could always

count on those people.

That'd be a lie. Your dad's not

a part of our lives anymore, all right?

But I got your back,

and I'm gonna keep havin' your back.

So before you go

givin' up on this world...

you need to wait till you're about 18

like everybody else, all right?

Mom, if you're so smart, how'd you

end up with Dad in the first place?

Okay, you know what?

You're too smart for your own good.

- I'll see you at the tip-off.

- All right, Mom.

Because if I hadn't, I-

I wouldn't have had you.

Keith?

I wouldn't have had you.

I always think of the good mom stuff

after he's gone. Crazy.

It's game day

here at Mount Vernon.

Let's take a moment to review

the Smelters' starting lineup.

First off,

we have Keith Ellis.

Now, everyone knows Keith Ellis is

the best player on the team, including Keith.

At power forward is One Love.

Okay, now, the only thing One Love

loves more than playing basketball...

is his shoes, um...

his hair, his image,

and his shoes again.

At point guard,

we've got Ralph.

The kid has got

four older brothers, okay?

All of them

were all-star athletes.

I mean, the pressure

to succeed is tremendous.

Returning as small forward

is the player with the best attitude...

and the worst vision.

Last year, he held the record

for the most balls to the face.

- Luckily, this year, he has a solution.

- And a new nickname, Annie.

Everyone's

callin' the kid Goggles.

Rounding out

the starting five is Fuzzy.

Now, we have

high expectations for the kid.

I mean, word on the street

is that he's been bulking up...

specifically

for this season.

And, of course, the coach of

our intrepid team and home ec teacher...

Mr. Newirth.

While he's never coached before

or even played the game of basketball...

he proved to the administration he was

exactly what they were looking for.

Oh, yeah? How?

- He volunteered for the job.

- Okay.

Get a shoe contract yet,

One Love?

- Not yet.

- Bam!

Your deal.

Court's free.

You little guys wanna warm up?

What for?

Want a cookie?

- You spit on this?

- No.

- All right.

- Game nine, and the pressure is on.

But you couldn't tell by looking at the calm,

confident faces of the Smelters...

easily the best 0-8 team

in the league...

hungry to avenge

their nail-biting loss last week.

86 to zero.

In which the Smelters were subjected

to several hundred bad calls.

Break!

Okay.

One Love's cutting! One Love's open!

One Love is open!

One Love has the ball!

Here! Pass it!

Right here, Keith! Right here!

Keith!

- Man, what's he doing?

- I don't know.

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