Rebound Page #2

Man, if we had Coach Roy, we'd never lose.

- Touchdown!

- Oh, here's the-

Ow!

All right, our next guest...

is looking to get back

into the game he loves, and this time...

he promises not to ruffle

any more feathers.

- Aw!

- Please welcome the former

head coach at Ohio Polytech...

Roy McCormick!

- Hey!

- How are ya?

Roy, you're a man of your word. You said you'd

come on the show when you were available.

And, brother,

you are really available now.

Well, you know, I'm weighin' my options.

I'm a free agent, baby.

My fans!

Word on the street is you couldn't

get a job right now fielding sheep.

Whoa!

Look, I wanna go somewhere where-

where the desire to win is just great, you know.

'Cause y'all know I'm a winner, and I-

I kind of wanna go back to my roots.

- That's what I want.

- You're a winner!

He's a winner, folks!

- That's right.

- Come with me.

Come on. I got a plan.

Come on.

- Anything yet?

- It's ringing.

- There?

- Mm-hmm.

- I'll get it. Stay.

- Whatever.

Man, this is a junior high.

I won three N.C.B.A. championships.

I mean, what do I gotta do?

Roy, don't you see it?

It's perfect. It's your old school.

Look, we accept their offer.

You work with these kids for a week.

They get a huge thrill out of it.

Duh!

You look like a saint...

and we get free P.R., which,

no offense, Roy, we desperately need.

In the meantime, it'll give me a chance

to land us a solid job offer.

- What offers do we have now?

- Hmm?

Doreen, this is

the supplemental budget.

Could you get me

the full budget, please?

Hon, that is the full budget.

Tim Fink, principal partner,

the Fink Agency. "Fink fast!"

Yeah. Mary Walsh...

principal,

Mount Vernon Junior H-

Whoo! Whoa! Wow!

Okay, it's Coach Roy.

Coach Roy is in the house.

Coach Roy is here. It's my house.

All right. Well, then, gentlemen-

Uh-oh!

Community service?

Did you get arrested for something?

We get more great

sports guys that way.

We're here to accept

your offer.

Yea! No idea

what you're talking about.

Your offer.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, my.

Oh, my goodness.

I-

Just-

S- Spelling error.

So you're telling me

that Roy McCormick...

wants to coach here?

Am I gettin' Punk'd?

Roy's gonna work

with your team.

They're gonna be coached

by the best of the best...

for absolutely-

wait for it- no charge.

Yeah, I wanna give back to the community.

You know, here's where I found

my first true love, which is basketball.

Well, teamwork.

So I guess that's two loves.

- Two loves.

- Mm-hmm.

That was very inspiring, Coach.

Well, uh, gosh, gentlemen.

I guess-

Follow me.

People. Apparently...

some of you have tried

to circumvent school policy...

and hire a new head coach

on your own.

Well, I'm impressed.

Without further ado,

please welcome your new head coach.

Wow.

They're really short.

Yeah, they're 13.

All right, well,

good luck, kids.

And, uh,

behave yourself.

Oh, we will.

I was talking to him.

Coach Roy, I'm a big fan.

I've seen all your commercials.

A couple things

I should warn you about.

Ralph here, for instance,

when he gets nervous, he pukes.

- You my assistant head coach?

- Real honor working with you.

Yeah, I appreciate it. Well, uh, why don't

you run and fetch me a patty melt?

Maybe one with your arms

around the kids having fun?

Yeah, sure thing.

Huh? Got it?

That's right.

Y'all look

basketball style.

- We're never gonna lose again.

- Yeah.

One Love's definitely on the way

to getting a shoe contract now.

- Yeah!

- How you feeling, Ralph?

Oh!

Oh! Priceless.

Y'all run some drills.

All right?

I'm gonna try to get

this guck off my shoe.

Excuse me,

Mr. Photographer.

- We don't know any drills.

- Or have any skills.

We'll just have to make some up then.

Come on.

Okay, great drill.

Let's run our passing drill now.

Come on.

Let's step it up.

I got it. I got it.

Yeah!

- Ooh!

- Aah!

Mary, is it really a good idea?

You know, Jeanie,

you may find this hard to believe...

but I don't get a lot of gifts here

at Mount Vernon.

I got no money. I got no resources.

I got no nothin'.

Excuse me.

That's a double negative.

Bethanne, stick it

where the sun don't not shine.

So, when one of the best coaches in

basketball wants to coach my kids for free...

kids who, incidentally,

are on their way to another no-win season...

I'm not gonna say no.

Besides,

Coach Roy has never...

hit a player.

Oh, okay. Great, great.

So that's the criteria?

If he's never hit a kid, then

he can work at Mount Vernon.

Yeah, I know.

But check it out.

If he steps out of line

in any way...

all we have to do is call the N.C.B.A.,

and he's out of here.

So I think he's gonna be

on his best behavior.

Okay, how are you gonna run a school

and monitor a madman?

Well, Jeanie, I'm not.

Uh-uh! No, no, no, no, no!

I'm not either.

- Uh, uh, uh-

- Yes, yes, yes, yes.

You go to all the games anyway.

You could be my eyes and ears.

Yeah. The minute you say

he's out of line, he's gone.

Come on.

Girls, trust me.

Coach Roy is going to do wonders

for this school.

- Coach Roy has some issues-

- Uh!

- that he needs to work-

- Uh!

a little bit...

out.

Stop. Stop. Stop.

Dang!

You really bleed a lot. High blood pressure.

- Too much stress.

- What's that? CK-One?

- How much do they pay you

to put that on your hankie?

- Let me smell it.

Look, I don't care

how many titles he's won.

I don't care anything about that.

I know his reputation.

- Come on. Give him a chance.

- For what?

He's got some problems,

and if he touches my son-

Stay away from my son!

Mom, he didn't hit anybody.

Yet. He just got here.

Give him a chance.

We hit him

and barfed on him.

Plus, his Escalade

got tagged.

But he doesn't know that yet.

Look, I'm sorry.

My name is Jeanie,

and it's just my son means a lot to me.

Look, uh- Excuse me.

Miss Jeanie?

Now, look, I know

my reputation precedes me.

But it's just rep, you know?

It's not true.

Roy McCormick.

Very nice to meet you.

I know who you are.

My son idolizes you.

Well, your son,

he's-he's a good kid.

I think he's gonna do

big things in this game.

- He's gonna be all right.

- Well, that's good to know,

because that's not my son.

That's my son.

He's gonna be good too,

'cause they-they run drills together, so-

They kind of know

the same drills.

And, quite frankly, I don't like

the way you treat your players.

My son doesn't need

some hotshot egomaniac...

trying to tell him he's good,

because he is good.

Ma'am-

Miss Jeanie, look, I swear...

the only reason I'm here

is-is to help these kids.

I wouldn't do anything to hurt 'em. Now,

that temper tantrum thing is long gone.

Well, it was nice meeting you.

Very nice meetin' you.

If you don't mind, maybe I can call you

sometime or somethin'?

I don't think so.

Dude, Roy's checking out

your mom.

He ain't lyin'.

Coach Roy, what's it like coming back

to coach at your old school?

It's a'ight, you know,

and, you know-

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