Red State Page #2

I bet you boys wanna get up

to the devil's business, don't you?

Well, devil's right in here.

You look lovely.

How 'bout a beer, boys?

Hey, Pete. Can you believe it?

I got sideswiped tonight.

- You get 'em?

- No.

I was parked and they kept movin'.

Why were you parked?

Oh, I was makin' a reservation for Helen,

tomorrow night for our 19th.

I'm thinking about taking Darla

someplace special...

for our fifth next month.

Someplace overseas, you know?

Like maybe Italy.

Soon as I win enough off these doggies.

Well, win enough to do this damn body work

on my car, would ya?

Dumb-ass kids.

How you know they was kids?

I don't know.

They was in some kind of Mom-mobile.

Suppose that's mighty keen

detecting skills there, Sheriff.

Yeah, well...

I'm gonna need you

to go out there and find 'em.

You kiddin' me?

I'm off the clock 10 minutes now.

The only reason I'm still here

is 'cause you're so damn late.

Jesus Christ. Just go out

and find the damn car, will ya?

It's a blue Volvo station wagon.

Geez.

This is nice.

You boys finished your beers yet?

- I'm workin' on it.

- Almost. Almost.

Takes me a few beers

to work up to the sex.

So get drinkin',

'cause I ain't drinkin' alone.

And I don't let no man in me

unless he's got at least two beers in him.

Thank you, ma'am.

Makes sense.

This is nice.

Will you close your f***in' legs?

It's like a shag.

So how's about you head back

into the bedroom...

start strippin' down

so we can get this thing started.

Yes, ma'am.

Almost don't even fit in here.

Get them beers drunk.

This b*tch wants my dick, don't she?

She is a lot better looking.

Them tits ain't nothin'

to write home about.

Those tits are...

F***!

What the f***?

F***in' roofies.

Hello?

Guys?

Is that you, Travis? Billy-Ray?

On a hill far away

All right, guys, come on.

Seriously, let me outta here.

Can you just let me outta here, please?

The emblem of suffering...

Guys, this isn't f***in' funny, all right?

Will you let me outta here, please!

What the f*** is going on?

Let me the f*** outta here,

please, all right?

This isn't funny anymore.

This isn't f***in' funny anymore.

This isn't funny anymore, man.

Come on, let me the f*** out!

I swear to God,

I'm gonna f***in' kill you!

Let me out!

If you guys don't let me

the f*** outta here, I'm gonna kill you!

I will cherish

The old rugged cross

Will you find somebody to...

Can somebody please let me outta here?

Please?

- Lucas, sit down.

- F***in' b*tch.

Hey, you f***in' b*tch!

Let me the f*** outta here,

you f***in' b*tch!

The old rugged cross

F***!

And exchange it someday

For a crown

Well, how about that?

That was lovely.

Just lovely.

Y'all give that Mormon Tabernacle Choir

a run for their money.

You know what this is?

That's a printout of what we done today.

That's an article that appears

in tomorrow's Post.

You know what that's called?

National coverage.

- Sure was.

- Indeed, it was.

Abigail...

TiVo'd the segment on the 5:00 news.

Y'all can watch it later if you want to...

and see yourselves on the TV.

Yeah, tell you what

we gonna do next week.

We gonna paint the garage.

I know how you love that,

but we gonna paint.

Someone, please!

Come on, please!

I need big, strong volunteers.

How about you?

How about you? You big and strong?

RJ?

Show me how Popeye do.

Popeye!

Yeah, oh, wow! Don't hurt me, Popeye.

Oh, Popeye, don't hurt me.

Will somebody please

let me the f*** outta here!

Caleb, come on, now.

That's a bit much. Now, come on, come on.

No! F***! F***!

- Welcome, family.

- Good evenin'.

- Good evenin', Granddaddy.

- Good evenin', Grandpa.

Good evening.

But what's so good about it?

Psalms 117, verse 24.

"This is the day which the Lord hath made.

We will rejoice and be glad in it."

Glad in it.

"Oh, woe is me

if I preach not the gospels."

Corinthians 9:
16.

Amen, Grandpa.

Oh, well, I think

I'm gonna preach that holy word.

- Preach it, Daddy.

- Yes.

We read in Hebrews 11...

By faith... by faith...

Noah, being warned by God

of things not seen as yet...

prepared an ark...

for the savin' of his house...

by which he condemned all others.

For there was multitudes

upon multitudes of people...

and God drowned them

all except Noah and his flock.

Drowned them all.

All sinners gone to hell.

Praise his name.

I'm good at climbing.

I'm good at climbing.

You talk to some of them maudlin,

touchy-feely preachers out there...

peddlin' their soft faith...

they gonna tell you what you wanna hear.

They ain't gonna tell you

what you need to know.

They can't. Can't tell you the truth.

Why, it might be politically incorrect.

But they'll tell you...

this nation and the world

is goin' to hell.

They won't tell you why.

Can't tell you why.

They'll tell you...

"God loves you.

God loves everybody."

Does a God that drowned the entire world,

exception of Noah and his flock...

sound like a God that loves you?

No.

That sound like a God

that forgives your sins?

- No!

- No, sir.

Your carnal desires?

That's not God's love.

That's a God that abhors the wicked.

He abhors those

that ignore his righteous teaching...

and forsake his covenant...

and scoff at his acts.

God doesn't love you...

unless you fear him.

We talk about a fear we have

of certain snakes.

Well, that'd be a righteous fear.

We talkin' about a fear we have

of takin' a cookie...

Grandma's cookie jar...

'fraid of being caught?

I don't believe so.

Talkin' about the fear of God. I fear God.

You better believe I fear God.

But my fear is born out of respect...

- Oh, f***.

- Admiration...

devotion...

sacrifice...

adoration...

and knowledge of the scripture...

that I preach.

Give us some knowledge, Daddy.

Give us some knowledge.

But I preach knowledge,

and I preach to this...

and I preach, and I preach...

Oh, Lord, Lord, Lord.

I preach like my daddy before me,

and his daddy before him.

My grandaddy built this church

goin' on a hundred years ago.

He used to minister up there...

at the 12th St. Baptist

up there in the city...

till he couldn't stomach

what he called the deviltry anymore.

So he abandoned that modern-day Gomorrah

and settled Cooper's Dell...

June, 1917.

But if he thought people

were depraved back then...

I mean, his head'd nearly burst...

if he saw how wicked

this country's become.

I hate the wickedness of America...

and all the sin-worshippers

who populate it.

"Do I not hate them, O Lord,

that hate thee?"

Says in Psalms 138...

"Am I not grieved by those

that rise up against thee?

I hate them with a perfect hatred.

I count them mine enemies."

Twenty-one, 22.

And who's the greatest enemy

of God, Cheyenne?

- Satan.

- Satan.

- That's right, baby.

- Satan.

Yes, ma'am.

And who's Satan's instrument

on earth, Fiona May?

The homosexuals.

That's right, baby. The homosexuals.

The homosexuals have run amok

in this nation over 30 years now.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes