Red State Page #4

Make up for it, you know.

I mean, if you could.

I mean, there's only cosmetic damage,

you know. Nobody was hurt.

I guess that'd be fine.

I'll just phone it in to y'all in the morning.

I thank you so much for that.

I'm much obliged.

- Hey, you have a good night.

- You too.

Oh, f***!

Pastor, excuse me.

Sorry. I got one last thing.

I remember you went over to the Vatican

to protest that dead pope's funeral...

a few years back.

And I guess what I'm saying is...

is Italy nice?

Oh, my God.

- Italy?

- Yeah.

I was thinking about taking my wife

someplace exotic for our five-year...

and, well, Italy was at the top of the list.

Well, it's full of Italians.

There is that.

Full of Italians, huh?

Yeah, I suppose that stands to reason.

- All right, you have a good night.

- Thank you.

Oh, f***.

Let's f***in' do this!

Motherf***er.

Sheriff, I got shots fired

inside of Five Points. Repeat. I have...

Shots fired.

Repeat, shots fired inside of Five Points.

Wait a minute. In Cooper's church?

Immediate backup requested.

- Repeat, immediate backup requested.

- I got him, Daddy.

Jesus.

Pete!

Was that a gunshot, Pete?

Pete, you still there?

Pete!

Is this that obese queer,

likes to sodomize wetbacks out on Route 9?

Who is this? Where's my deputy?

Yeah, God sees all, Mr. Queer.

God takes pictures too...

unseemly photographs of men on men...

backwards, sweaty,

lust-filled carnal knowledge.

That fun for you, Mr. Queer...

have a man in your mouth not a mile

from my house of worship?

Now, there was some

unpleasantness out here tonight.

You just let us clean it up...

and I won't send

any pictures of you to the missus...

or the Courier...

those images of how you like

to use that mouth.

And I don't means stuffin' it

with Moon Pies and Coca-Cola.

I tell you what.

What about that picture of you

wiping the feces of that wetback...

off of your scrotum and genitalia?

I think the missus would like that one.

She'd put it on the mantel

at Christmastime...

right between them two stockings.

Yeah, you keep your queerhole shut,

Sheriff...

everything gonna be just fine.

What happened in there?

Them kids was cuttin'

themselves loose downstairs.

Caleb went to deal with it.

Shootin' 'em up while I'm out there

with this law dog.

You want me to move his car

on the property?

No.

Take him on across town.

Other side of the tracks,

dump him off there.

Them Feds get rather investigative

when it comes to killin' one of their own.

Hello?

This is Keenan.

I'm sorry. Who now?

Yes, sir.

That case is under

preliminary investigation.

Report was members of the church

were seeking semiautomatic firearms...

mid-2004, before AWB expired.

We have unconfirmed reports

they got a few.

Well, the intelligence suggests

that they were modifying the weapons.

At least that was the testimony

of the guy who sold 'em some shotguns.

He said they made inquiries

about modifications.

No, sir. Undercover infiltration

was unsuccessful.

Can you...

I'm sorry. Sir?

Can I call you back?

Yes, sir. Thank you.

It'll just be a few minutes.

Oh, sh*t.

If you loved me,

you'd make me some coffee.

Caleb?

Darlin'?

Oh, no!

No, Caleb!

Come on, baby doll. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

I know. I know, baby. I know.

Timothy 4, baby doll.

Timothy 4.

Timothy 4, baby. Timothy 4.

"I am now ready to be offered.

The time for my departure is at hand.

I have fought a good fight.

I have fought a good fight.

I have finished my course.

I have kept the faith."

He's on the lovin' breast ofJesus, baby.

He's gone toJesus.

I know, baby. I know. I know.

Come on.

Let me show you something, sweetie.

Let me show you something. Come on.

I want you to see something with me now.

- Lookee here.

- What?

Lookee here.

Caleb did not die in vain.

He sent them two devils to hell

before they killed him.

Probably saved us all

with his last dyin' breath.

You go rot in hell, you filthy, filthy...

Come on. Come on.

Come on, baby. Come on.

Come on. We got one upstairs.

Save it for him.

- Save it for him. Am I right?

- Oh, Daddy, you're always right.

There's a land

Beyond the river

That they call

The sweet forever

And you only reach that shore

By fate's decree

By and by we'll cross the portal

Where we'll dwell with thee, immortal

When they ring those golden bells

They're a pretty tight-knit group.

Approximately 20, 25 members...

all related by blood or marriage.

Makes it impossible

to get any coverts inside.

No, sir.

You're thinking of Fred Phelps

and his family up in Kansas.

"God hates fags."

They're irritating,

but they're not gun nuts like the Coopers.

They're suers, not doers.

Last April someone at Five Points...

reported an I ED setup

on church property.

No injuries sustained

and minimal damage done to a tree...

but in an interview

with the local media...

Cooper claimed that if a bomb had gone off

in a synagogue, a black church...

or a homo-friendly Unitarian coven...

there'd have been an uproar.

No suspects, no arrests.

Local law enforcement

chalked it up to townie kids...

having fun at the church's expense.

But it spooked the Coopers into tearing down

all the barns on their property...

turning 'em into barricade fences.

Locals call it "the great wall of bullshit."

Yes, sir, after the one in China.

What made 'em persons of interest...

was an interview Cooper gave

to the Patriot Times right about then.

He said that

"If the law won't protect us...

from the Philistines and sodomites...

we'll protect ourselves."

You couple that comment

with the allegations, and you can see why...

We've had 'em on surveillance off and on.

They're pretty easy to keep track of.

When they're not protesting gay bars

or chasing headlines...

they mostly stick to their compound...

hold their daily services.

I know I'm low man

on the totem pole...

but are you sure that's wise

at this juncture, sir?

Why? Because if you give us

a few more days...

I'm sure we can dig up something

more substantial than the sheriff's...

That's how you wanna play it.

No, sir, I'm not questioning

your call at all, sir.

I'm saying that our history with

situations like this hasn't been exactly...

Yes, sir. It's dawn here now...

but we can be fully mobilized

and on site in an hour.

I understand.

F***!

Tempted and tried

We're oft made to wonder

Why it should be

All the day long

While there are others

Living about us

Never molested

Doing wrong

When death has come

And taken our loved one

It makes our hearts

So weary and drear

Then do we wonder

Why others prosper

Living so wicked

Year after year

Farther along we'll know all about it

Farther along we'll understand why

Cheer up, my brother

Live in the sunshine

We'll understand it all by and by

Come, sweetie. Come. Come.

Farther along

We'll know all about it

Farther along

we'll understand why

All by and by

F***!

Fast little monkey!

Who fired? Who fired, goddamn it!

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