Red State Page #7

Truth?

- 'Cause f*** people like this.

- They're animals.

I mean, don't get me wrong. Jesus saves.

He ain't gonna save Abin Cooper

from a f***-load of prison rape.

Daily shtuppings by Coke-can c*cks.

Savor that irony, Joe.

Hey, what was it?

- The trumpet blast.

- Pardon?

The trumpet blast... What was it really?

Oh, that.

Some new neighbors...

these eco kids from the university

with a compost collective...

they got an acre off the ass end of

the Five Point property, other side of the hill.

Abin's been giving 'em a bunch of guff

because of the smell of the compost.

- Was it bad?

- Gets so you can taste it.

But Abin's been harassing these kids...

sending some of his bigger boys over...

to b*tch at first...

maybe break a window or two.

Then I guess they went old-school...

Lots of sugar in gas tanks,

burning bags of dog sh*t.

- College kids.

- No, that was Cooper and his church.

The eco kids never so much

as called the cops.

They...

They got creative instead.

They thought it'd be funny

to take a page out of Revelations...

and get Cooper and his family's hopes up

with the trumpets.

So they got this big-ass,

rusty old siren...

from a firehouse that just got a new one.

The fire chief said they could have

the damn thing as long as they carted it off.

It's big as a Mini Cooper.

So they truck this thing down

to their compost collective...

they put it in a barn,

they hook it up to an iPod of all things...

and they played these

single-note trumpet blasts...

that they pulled off the Internet.

And they had no idea

that you were even there.

It was just dumb luck.

Oh, those eco kids

with the compost collective?

Turns out it was a cover

for a marijuana grow-house.

They're being booked right now.

But considering how

they probably saved a bunch more lives...

Yeah, yeah. I'll write a letter.

Yeah.

Hey, Joe.

Really...

why did you shine the direct?

My grandma on my mother's side...

she had these two dogs,

pure bloodhounds...

both came up the same litter.

She kept them

and gave the rest away to the neighbors.

Both known each other

since they had sh*t in their eyes.

Neither one ever treated any better

than the other one.

Gentlest dogs you'd ever care to meet.

So anyway...

Thanksgiving of my ninth year,

these two old dogs are trailing me around...

'cause they know the score... I'm a

animal lover who never finishes his supper.

So right before I get up from the table...

I toss these two old-timers

a turkey leg...

attached to a hunk of cartilage.

And it was like they'd never met.

They went at each other so ferociously...

all tooth and claw and jugular...

They forgot anything

they ever had in common...

and scrapped like that discard

decided between their standing and dying.

People just do the strangest things

when they believe they're entitled.

But they do even stranger things

when they just plain believe.

I see the face ofJesus

On my way tonight

He says to me

Old sinner, come on in

I see the face ofJesus

In that great white light

And my savior

makes me whole again

In his shining eyes...

In his shining eyes...

I see the promise...

of all forgiveness that sets you free.

I see the face ofJesus...

on my way this night.

And my savior's light to comfort me

Shut the f*** up!

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