Red White & Blue

---

Sorry, miss.

What are you doing?

Look, I don't stay over,

I don't fall in love,

and I don't f***

the same guy twice, okay?

Okay, all right.

Well, I mean, we don't have

to do anything.

I just thought we could hang out,

you know, but I mean, whatever.

It doesn't matter.

Just thought it'd be nice.

Sweetie, I'm sorry,

but I can't let you have

that room for free anymore.

It's not free. I do all the cleaning.

I know you do, and you do a great job.

But like I always said,

this was just a temporary situation

till you get yourself sorted out

or till we get busy.

And you know what? We just got busy.

You need some help there, little man?

Okay.

You want to go higher?

Sure.

Hey, miss?

What the f*** do you want?

Well, you could address me

in a civil fashion for a start.

You got a light there?

Sure.

Mmm.

Uh, you-- you kind of smell.

Mind cleaning yourself up

a little bit first?

Oh, yeah, sure.

It's been a long day.

You got a condom, right?

- No.

- I don't either.

Not a problem. I hate those things.

It's a problem for me.

Be a real man, William.

Condoms are for homos.

I need to use a condom.

- You lied to me!

- Never lied to you, sweetie.

But that was my job.

That was my f***ing job.

It's my f***ing job,

and it's mine to give to whoever I want.

Hey, there.

Why are you being nice to me?

What, that's such a hard question?

No, but you're not gonna

like the answer.

Try me.

You ever pull half the legs

off a spider,

you know, to see if it

could still crawl around?

Or bury a dog up to its head

in the ground

to see if it'd eat the dirt

to get out of the hole?

Or pour paraffin over a parakeet

and see if it'd fly twice

as fast to put out the flames?

Of course not.

Well, I have.

All of 'em and a lot more besides.

The parakeet was my little sister's,

and my mama caught me

setting fire to it.

It was quite a family to-do.

Not surprisingly, I guess.

My daddy wanted to send me

to the shrink,

but my mama wouldn't let him.

Instead she bought me

a beautiful little kitten.

She made me totally responsible for it.

I had to feed it, worm it,

pay for its vet bills,

all that kind of stuff.

She figured it'd teach me

the value of life over death,

so I guess it kind of did.

Man, that little cat

meant the world to me,

and I looked after it

like it was my own little baby.

While I never hurt that cat,

it didn't stop me

messing with other animals.

Just made me better

at hiding it from my folks.

What the f***'s that

got to do with anything?

Hey, there.

Look, just 'cause I listened

to your retarded cat story

don't mean sh*t.

I ain't gonna f*** you,

and I don't do friends.

I appreciate what you done for me,

but that's as far as it goes.

So, please, just...

don't waste any more

of your breath on me, all right?

Hey.

Hi.

You're new here, right?

That's right.

Nice.

Hi.

Why you sayin' hi to me, Erica?

You don't want to f*** me,

and you don't do friends.

So why are you even

wasting your breath on me?

That was a real nice note you wrote me.

Thank you.

Well, I guess I should say, "thank you."

Apologies are never easy.

I mean, this red cedar is good.

It lasts a long time.

But for the price, this is fine.

I'd go for this, 'cause,

you know, it's good to go.

Hey, Nate.

Hello, Lee.

Would you excuse me a second?

Hey. Is everything okay?

Everything's okay with me.

Everything okay with you?

Everything's okay with me.

I just wanted to make sure

everything was okay with you.

Everything's okay with me, Nate.

Hey.

I'm Steve from Garden and Leisure.

Lee tells me you been doing

some pretty good work for him,

and, well, we could use

some help ourselves.

So as of this afternoon,

you're gonna be working for me.

Whatever.

First week's rent. Hey, that's my girl.

How's it feel

now you're a working woman?

It feels good, actually.

It feels really good.

Take your boyfriend out.

Have a drink on me.

He's not my boyfriend.

Not yet he ain't,

but I know how these things work.

I've seen the way he looks at you.

Man.

Thank you.

So what's the rest of your story?

What makes you think

there's a rest of my story?

Well, I reckon when

your little sister found out

about the parakeet

that she tried to kill you,

but actually, you killed her.

No, I didn't kill my little sister.

She's alive and kicking in Tallahassee

with two kids of her own.

Thank you very much.

Okay, glad to hear it.

Yeah.

So?

Well, I got an honorable

discharge from Iraq,

and now I'm here.

Pretty simple, really.

You got chucked out of the army?

No, I got an honorable discharge.

What for?

That's not important.

Now you're drifting around,

trying to make sense of your life?

Actually, I just been offered

a job by the CIA.

Trying to figure out

whether to take it or not.

Are you serious?

Why not?

What the f*** are you doing

working here then?

Well, if I ever wanted

to get a perspective on my life,

I used to go to my folks' home.

And for whatever reason,

takin' a bath in the guest bedroom,

well, it's what I used to like

to do when I was a kid,

and it would kind of take me

back to that mind-set.

My folks have moved on now,

so I can't do that anymore.

But I used to work in

a hardware depot after college--

not this one but a similar one,

So here I am trying to figure out

if I met myself when I was 21,

would I be proud of who I am now

and what I've achieved in this life?

Would I want to go into the CIA,

or would I want to put

all that sh*t behind me?

Hello, Mrs. Jack.

My name is Mal, short for maladjusted,

malcontent, and...

Malicious?

I got you something.

You don't have one already, do you?

Wow, cool. Thanks!

Ahh!

What happened?

Your door was open.

No, it wasn't.

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Erica, is this you, honey?

No!

Get the f*** off!

Don't.

No, man, no.

Far out, man.

- Hi.

- Hey, happy birthday.

Are you having fun?

Hi. Thank you for coming.

Ready, set, go.

Nice.

You got blue.

Whoa!

Put your soul into it a little, okay?

Good luck, Mary.

Stop by and see us

the next time you're in.

Thank you, but I'm never coming back.

Well, good night, Erica.

It was a lovely day, wasn't it?

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

I was just wondering--

I mean, I don't want to do

anything with you.

But... can we...

Can I...

Can I sleep next to you?

Last time I touched you,

you kind of freaked out.

Now, if you sleep next to me,

well, I'm probably gonna

put my arms around you,

consciously or not.

You gonna freak out again?

Hey, Erica.

What?

I've been thinking for a while now.

I got this real crazy question

I got to ask you.

Hey, Mom.

Hey, baby!

You should have told me you were coming.

I would have put my face on.

You look beautiful just the way you are.

I don't want you

to remember me like this.

Hey, what's up, man?

We sold another five CDs this morning.

- Wahoo!

- It all counts.

We're almost up to 1,000 now.

- F***ing rocks, man.

- F***ing A, it does.

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