Rent Page #9

MARK (carrying mock door)

Pan to the padlocked door. New Year's Rocking Eve. The

breaking-back-into-the-building party

(ROGER and MIMI try in vain to pry a padlock from the door. They

appear to be happy)

MIMI:

How long till next year?

ROGER:

Three and half minutes

MIMI:

I'm giving up my vices

I'm going back - back to school

Eviction or not

This week's been so hot

That long as I've got you

I know I'll be cool

I couldn't crack the love code, dear

'Til you made the lock on my heart explode

It's gonna be a happy new year

A happy new year

(MARK enters the scene)

MARK:

Coast is clear

You're supposed to be working

That's for midnight

Where are they?

There isn't much time

MIMI:

Maybe they're dressing

I mean what does one wear that's apropos

For a party that's also a crime

(MAUREEN enters wearing a skintight "cat burgualr" suit and carrying

a bag of potato chips)

MAUREEN:

Chips, anyone?

MARK:

You can take the girl out of Hicksville

But you can't take the Hicksville out of the girl

MAUREEN:

My riot got you on TV

I deserve a royalty

MIMI:

Be nice you two

Or no god awful champagne

(MAUREEN takes out a cellular phone and dials)

MAUREEN:

Don't mind if I do

No luck?

ROGER:

Bolted plywood, padlocked with a chain

A total dead end

MAUREEN:

Just like my ex-girlfriend

(on cellular phone)

Honey...?

I know you're there

Please pick up the phone

Are you okay?

It's not funny

It's not fair

How can I atone?

Are you okay?

I lose control

But I can learn to behave

Give me one more chance

Let me be your slave

I'll kiss your Doc Martens

Let me kiss your Doc Martens

Your every wish I will obey

(JOANNE enters)

JOANNE:

That might be okay

Down girl

Heel...stay

I did a bit of research

With my friends at legal aid

Technically, you're squatters

There's hope

But just in case

(JOANNE whips out)

MARK & JOANNE

Rope

MARK (pointing off)

We can hoist a line-

JOANNE:

To the fire escape

MARK:

And tie off at

MARK & JOANNE

That bench

MAUREEN:

I can't take them as chums

JOANNE:

Start hoisting...wench

(All three cross upstage and attempt to throw up the length of rope over

a plank. ROGER and MIMI are laughing and holding each other)

ROGER:

I think I should be laughing

Yet I forget

Forget how to begin

I'm feeling something inside

And yet I still can't decide

If I should hide

Or make a wide open grin

Last week I wanted just to disappear

My life was dust

But now it just may be a happy new year

A happy new year

(COLLINS enters with ANGEL. COLLINS, dressed in black and wearing

sunglasses, carries a bottle of champagne. ANGEL wears a plastic dress

and blonde wig:
a small blowtorch is slung over his shoulder)

COLLINS:

Bond - James Bond

ANGEL:

And P*ssy Galore - in person

MIMI:

P*ssy you came prepared

ANGEL:

I was a boy scout once

And a brownie

'Til some brat got scared

COLLINS (to MIMI)

Aha! Moneypenny -- my martini!

MIMI:

Will bad champagne do?

ROGER:

That's shaken - not stirred

COLLINS:

P*ssy - the bolts

(COLLINS takes a swig of champagne as ANGEL grabs the blowtorch)

ANGEL:

Just say the word!

(ANGEL turns on the blowtorch)

MIMI:

Two minutes left to execute our plan

COLLINS:

Where's everyone else?

ROGER:

Playing Spiderman

MARK:

Ironic close up:
tight

On the phone machine's red light

Once the Boho boys are gone

The power mysteriously comes on

VOICE MAIL #3

(Lights up on MRS. COHEN, who's standing on a chair and holding up a

phone)

MRS. COHEN

Mark, it's the wicked witch of the west your mother

Happy new year from Scarsdale

We're all impressed that the riot footage

Made the nightly news

Even your father says Mazeltov

Honey- call him

Love, Mom

(MRS. COHEN, stepping off the chair, passes the phone to ALEXI

DARLING)

ALEXI DARLING (on the chair)

Mark Cohen

Alexi Darling from Buzzline

MARK:

Oh, that show's so sleazy

ALEXI DARLING:

Your footage on the riots: A-one

Feature segment network dealtime

I'm sending you a contract

Ker-ching ker-ching

Marky give us a call 970-4301

Or at home try 863-6754

Or - my cell phone at 919-763-0090

Or - you can e-mail me

At Darling Alexi Newscom dot net

Or -- you can page me at-

(Beeeep!)

HAPPY NEW YEAR B

MAUREEN:

I think we need an agent

MARK:

We?

JOANNE:

That's selling out

MARK:

But it's nice to dream

MAUREEN:

Yeah it's network TV

And it's all thanks to me

MARK:

Somehow I think I smell

The whiff of a scheme

JOANNE:

Me too

MAUREEN:

We can plan another protest

JOANNE:

We?

MAUREEN:

This time you can shoot from the start (to MARK)

You'll direct (to JOANNE)

Starring me

(Lights shift back to downstairs)

ALL:

5, 4, 3... Open sesame!!

(The door falls away, revealing MARK, JOANNE, and MAUREEN)

Happy new year

Happy new year

Happy new...

BENNY (entering)

I see that you've beaten me to the punch

ROGER:

How did you know we'd be here?

BENNY:

I had a hunch

MARK:

You're not mad?

BENNY:

I'm here to end this war

It's a shame you went and destroyed the door

MIMI:

Why all the sudden the big about face

BENNY:

The credit is yours

You made a good case

ROGER:

What case?

BENNY:

Mimi came to see me

And she had much to say

MIMI:

That's not how you put it at all yesterday

BENNY:

I couldn't stop thinking about the whole mess

Mark you want to get this on film

MARK (picking up his camera)

I guess

BENNY:

I regret the unlucky circumstances

Of the past seven days

ROGER:

Circumstance? You padlocked our door

BENNY:

And it's with great pleasure

On behalf of CyberArts

That I hand you this key

(BENNY hands him the key)

ANGEL:

Golf claps

(They oblige)

MARK:

I have no juice in my battery

BENNY:

Reshoot

ROGER:

I see this is a photo opportunity

MAUREEN:

The benevolent god

Ushers the poor artists back to their flat

Were you planning on taking down the barbed wire

From the lot, too?

ROGER:

Anything but that

BENNY:

Clearing the lot was a safety concern

We break ground this month

But you can return

MAUREEN:

That's why you're here with people you hate

Instead of with Muffy at Muffy's estate

BENNY:

I'd honestly rather be with you tonight than in Westport

ROGER:

Spare us old sport, the soundbite

BENNY:

Mimi since your was are so seductive

MIMI:

You came on to me

BENNY:

Persuade him not to be so counterproductive

ROGER:

Liar

BENNY:

Why not tell them what you wore to my place?

MIMI:

I was on my way to work

BENNY:

Black leather and lace

My desk was a mess

I think I'm still sore

MIMI:

Cause I kicked him and told him I wasn't his whore

BENNY:

Does your boyfriend know

Who your last boyfriend was?

ROGER:

I'm not her boyfriend

I don't care what she does

ANGEL:

People! Is this any way to start a new year?

Have compassion

Benny just lost his cat

BENNY:

My dog- but I appreciate that

ANGEL:

My cat had a fall

And I went through hell

BENNY:

It's like losing a

How did you know that she fell?

COLLINS:

(Hands BENNY a glass of champagne)

Champagne?

BENNY:

Don't mind if I do

To dogs!

ALL BUT BENNY:

No, Benny- To you!

ANGEL:

Let's make a resolution

MIMI:

I'll drink to that

COLLINS:

Let's always stay friends

JOANNE:

Tho' we may have our disputes

MAUREEN:

This family tree's got deep roots

MARK:

Friendship is thicker than blood

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