Repoman Page #2

---

Anything to eat?

Now, my friends, occasionally

we get a letter from a viewer

that says.

"Now, the only reason

Reverend Larry comes

on your television set...

"is because he wants

your money. "

And you know what?

They're right.

I do want your money,

because God wants your money.

So, I want you to go out

and mortgage that home...

and sell that car,

and send me your money.

You don't need that car.

Put it on a plate, Son.

You'll enjoy it more.

Couldn't enjoy it any more, Mom.

This is swell.

Dad?

Hey, Dad?

What is it, Son?

Do you remember...

that you once told me,

a long time ago...

Well, not too long ago, but...

that you told me that you'd

give me $1,000 to go to

Europe if I finished school?

Well, you know something?

You were right...

about finishing school.

That's what I'd like to do.

But I wanna know

if I can have the money first.

Like now.

You know, I really love you,

Dad. I've always loved you.

You, too, Mom.

What do you say?

I don't have it anymore.

What?

(Mom) Your father gave

all our extra money

to the Reverend's telethon, Otto.

We're sending Bibles to El Salvador.

Well, what about me?

(Dad) You're on the honor roll

of the Chariots of Fire.

Same as us, Otto.

It was a gift from all of us, jointly.

So how much do I get paid,

$25 a car?

Paid?

You don't get paid.

You kidding? You work on commission.

That's better than being paid.

Most cars you rip

are worth $200 or $300.

$50,000 Porsche

might make you $5,000.

[Honking]

Come on, d*ckhead.

It helps if you dress

like a detective, too.

Detectives dress

kind of square.

People think

"this guy is a cop"...

they're gonna think

you're packing something.

They don't f*** with you

so much.

Are you?

Am I what?

Packing something.

Only an a**hole

gets killed for a car.

The guys that make it are the guys

that get in their cars at any time.

Get in at 3:
00 a.m.,

get up at 4:
00.

That's why there ain't a repo man

I know that don't take speed.

Speed, huh?

[Snorting]

[Sniffing]

Jesus Christ.

##[Car stereo playing]

I never broke into a car, I never

hot-wired a car, kid.

I never broke into a trunk.

I shall not cause harm to any vehicle

nor the personal contents thereof...

nor, through inaction, let that vehicle

or the personal contents thereof...

come to harm.

It's what I call

the repo code, kid.

[Sniffing] Don't forget it.

Etch it in your brain.

Not many people got a code

to live by anymore.

Hey, look. Look at that.

Look at those a**holes over there.

Ordinary f***ing people.

I hate them.

Me, too.

What do you know, kid?

See, an ordinary person spends his

life avoiding tense situations.

Repo man spends his life

getting into tense situations.

A**holes.

Let's go get a drink.

(Bud) Tense situations, kid.

Get into five or six of them a day,

don't mean sh*t anymore.

I mean, I've seen men stabbed,

didn't mean sh*t. I've seen guns, too.

They don't mean sh*t, but that's when

you gotta watch yourself.

Here, I'll handle it, pal.

Try to settle down.

Have a nice day.

Night.

Night, day,

doesn't mean sh*t.

[Bell tinkling]

Wasn't that Otto?

(woman) Otto who?

(Bud) There's gonna be

some bad sh*t...

coming down

one of these days, kid.

Oh, yeah?

Where are you gonna be?

On the moon?

Uh-uh.

I'm gonna be right here,

heading north at 110 per.

In this junker?

Cool car.

(Bud)

The Rodriguez brothers.

The motherf***er just flipped you off.

Roll the window down. Roll the window down.

[Both speaking Spanish]

Watch it, motherf***er.

Hey, f*** you, p*ssy. Punk!

(Otto)

Holy sh*t!

Want me to take them?

[Otto yelling]

[Otto and Bud chattering]

Goddamn dipshit,

Rodriguez!

Gypsy dildo punks!

I'll get your ass!

[Otto laughing]

Wow. That was intense!

Repo man's always intense.

Come on, let's go get a drink.

[Laughing]

Gee, Bud. You never told me

it was gonna be like this, man.

Cops and robbers.

Real live car chases.

[Whooping]

[Otto laughing]

[Man chattering on TV]

Sh*t, Debbi!

You say our names, we're gonna have

to kill all these people, Archie.

They all ran away. Come on,

you douche bags.

[Groans]

[Continues chattering]

[Buzzing]

Awful quiet in here.

Too quiet.

So, who are these

Rodriguez boys?

Rodriguez brothers.

Lagarto and Napoleon.

Two notorious delinquents,

currently responsible...

for at least 30 vehicles

in the field.

Scumbags.

They ain't scumbags.

They're car thieves,

just like us.

There's Ms. Magruder.

You wanna go for it?

Good gag.

You pull this one a lot?

Only on the women.

It never fails.

Excuse me.

Ms. Magruder?

I have something here for you.

How utterly charming.

[Screaming]

[Engine revving]

[Tires screeching]

Motherf***er!

Lite!

Lite, where are you, man?

Bruce I. Peason.

Brokerage consultant. F***ing millionaire.

Six payments behind.

I've never understood it.

What's that?

F***ing millionaires.

They never pay their bills.

See you at the yard.

Let me get this one.

No, I'll handle this one. Mr. Peason's

carrying a permit for a pistol.

Hey, give me that.

Don't underestimate me, Ace.

[Imitating gun firing]

(Peason)

And also, naturally...

I would like them to be

right next to each other.

In addition, I would

like them to be as close

to the window as possible...

so I can sit in my car

and watch them spin.

So all you have to do is take your

clothes out of here like this...

and put them into a machine

over there like that.

[Tires screeching]

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. Stop!

##[Car stereo playing]

Hey.

Hey, you need a ride?

Hey, baby, you need a ride?

[Crashing]

Pick it up.

Look at you.

You pick it up.

You know yourself

you were wrong.

What were they doing out

in the middle of the street?

They weren't in the middle of the street.

That's not the middle of the street.

That's the corner.

Go on, you pick it up.

What?

[Laughs]

You pick it up.

No way.

You still want a ride

or what?

No, I don't.

My name's Otto.

Leila.

Is this your car?

Yeah, it's one of them.

[Scoffing]

One of them.

Think you're pretty slick,

don't you?

I bet you're

a used-car salesman.

Am not.

You dress like one.

I'm a repo man.

What's that?

It's a repossessor.

I take back cars from d*ldos that

don't pay their bills. Cool, huh?

No.

##[Car stereo playing]

What are you doing?

Those men in the car next to us.

Don't look at them.

Don't look at them. If they see me,

they'll kill me.

Really, why?

[Screams]

What the hell are you doing?

What's going on?

Take a look at this.

[Otto chuckling]

It looks like sausage.

It isn't sausage, Otto.

That's a picture

of four dead aliens.

[Snickering]

Laugh away, fuckface.

That picture's gonna be on the cover of

every major newspaper in two days' time.

How do you know that?

Part of a secret network.

A scientist who's also

in our secret sect...

smuggled the corpses

off this Air Force base.

Now he's got them in the trunk of his car.

It's a Chevy Malibu.

We've got to find him.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes