Repoman Page #2
- Year:
- 2015
- 16 min
- 174 Views
Anything to eat?
Now, my friends, occasionally
we get a letter from a viewer
that says.
"Now, the only reason
Reverend Larry comes
on your television set...
"is because he wants
your money. "
And you know what?
They're right.
I do want your money,
because God wants your money.
So, I want you to go out
and mortgage that home...
and sell that car,
and send me your money.
You don't need that car.
Put it on a plate, Son.
You'll enjoy it more.
Couldn't enjoy it any more, Mom.
This is swell.
Dad?
Hey, Dad?
What is it, Son?
Do you remember...
that you once told me,
a long time ago...
Well, not too long ago, but...
that you told me that you'd
give me $1,000 to go to
Europe if I finished school?
Well, you know something?
You were right...
about finishing school.
That's what I'd like to do.
But I wanna know
if I can have the money first.
Like now.
You know, I really love you,
Dad. I've always loved you.
You, too, Mom.
What do you say?
I don't have it anymore.
What?
(Mom) Your father gave
all our extra money
to the Reverend's telethon, Otto.
We're sending Bibles to El Salvador.
Well, what about me?
(Dad) You're on the honor roll
of the Chariots of Fire.
Same as us, Otto.
It was a gift from all of us, jointly.
So how much do I get paid,
$25 a car?
Paid?
You don't get paid.
You kidding? You work on commission.
That's better than being paid.
Most cars you rip
are worth $200 or $300.
$50,000 Porsche
might make you $5,000.
[Honking]
Come on, d*ckhead.
It helps if you dress
like a detective, too.
Detectives dress
kind of square.
People think
"this guy is a cop"...
they're gonna think
you're packing something.
They don't f*** with you
so much.
Are you?
Am I what?
Packing something.
Only an a**hole
gets killed for a car.
The guys that make it are the guys
that get in their cars at any time.
Get in at 3:
00 a.m.,get up at 4:
00.That's why there ain't a repo man
I know that don't take speed.
Speed, huh?
[Snorting]
[Sniffing]
Jesus Christ.
##[Car stereo playing]
I never broke into a car, I never
hot-wired a car, kid.
I never broke into a trunk.
I shall not cause harm to any vehicle
nor the personal contents thereof...
nor, through inaction, let that vehicle
or the personal contents thereof...
come to harm.
It's what I call
the repo code, kid.
[Sniffing] Don't forget it.
Etch it in your brain.
Not many people got a code
to live by anymore.
Hey, look. Look at that.
Look at those a**holes over there.
Ordinary f***ing people.
I hate them.
Me, too.
What do you know, kid?
See, an ordinary person spends his
life avoiding tense situations.
Repo man spends his life
getting into tense situations.
A**holes.
Let's go get a drink.
(Bud) Tense situations, kid.
Get into five or six of them a day,
don't mean sh*t anymore.
I mean, I've seen men stabbed,
didn't mean sh*t. I've seen guns, too.
They don't mean sh*t, but that's when
you gotta watch yourself.
Here, I'll handle it, pal.
Try to settle down.
Have a nice day.
Night.
Night, day,
doesn't mean sh*t.
[Bell tinkling]
Wasn't that Otto?
(woman) Otto who?
(Bud) There's gonna be
some bad sh*t...
coming down
one of these days, kid.
Oh, yeah?
Where are you gonna be?
On the moon?
Uh-uh.
heading north at 110 per.
In this junker?
Cool car.
(Bud)
The Rodriguez brothers.
The motherf***er just flipped you off.
Roll the window down. Roll the window down.
[Both speaking Spanish]
Watch it, motherf***er.
Hey, f*** you, p*ssy. Punk!
(Otto)
Holy sh*t!
Want me to take them?
[Otto yelling]
[Otto and Bud chattering]
Goddamn dipshit,
Rodriguez!
Gypsy dildo punks!
I'll get your ass!
[Otto laughing]
Wow. That was intense!
Repo man's always intense.
Come on, let's go get a drink.
[Laughing]
Gee, Bud. You never told me
it was gonna be like this, man.
Cops and robbers.
Real live car chases.
[Whooping]
[Otto laughing]
[Man chattering on TV]
Sh*t, Debbi!
You say our names, we're gonna have
to kill all these people, Archie.
They all ran away. Come on,
you douche bags.
[Groans]
[Continues chattering]
[Buzzing]
Awful quiet in here.
Too quiet.
So, who are these
Rodriguez boys?
Rodriguez brothers.
Lagarto and Napoleon.
Two notorious delinquents,
currently responsible...
for at least 30 vehicles
in the field.
Scumbags.
They ain't scumbags.
They're car thieves,
just like us.
There's Ms. Magruder.
You wanna go for it?
Good gag.
You pull this one a lot?
Only on the women.
It never fails.
Excuse me.
Ms. Magruder?
I have something here for you.
How utterly charming.
[Screaming]
[Engine revving]
[Tires screeching]
Motherf***er!
Lite!
Lite, where are you, man?
Bruce I. Peason.
Brokerage consultant. F***ing millionaire.
Six payments behind.
I've never understood it.
What's that?
F***ing millionaires.
See you at the yard.
Let me get this one.
No, I'll handle this one. Mr. Peason's
carrying a permit for a pistol.
Hey, give me that.
Don't underestimate me, Ace.
[Imitating gun firing]
(Peason)
And also, naturally...
I would like them to be
right next to each other.
In addition, I would
like them to be as close
to the window as possible...
so I can sit in my car
and watch them spin.
So all you have to do is take your
clothes out of here like this...
and put them into a machine
over there like that.
[Tires screeching]
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God. Stop!
##[Car stereo playing]
Hey.
Hey, you need a ride?
Hey, baby, you need a ride?
[Crashing]
Pick it up.
Look at you.
You pick it up.
You know yourself
you were wrong.
What were they doing out
in the middle of the street?
They weren't in the middle of the street.
That's not the middle of the street.
That's the corner.
Go on, you pick it up.
What?
[Laughs]
You pick it up.
No way.
You still want a ride
or what?
No, I don't.
My name's Otto.
Leila.
Is this your car?
Yeah, it's one of them.
[Scoffing]
One of them.
Think you're pretty slick,
don't you?
I bet you're
a used-car salesman.
Am not.
You dress like one.
I'm a repo man.
What's that?
It's a repossessor.
I take back cars from d*ldos that
don't pay their bills. Cool, huh?
No.
##[Car stereo playing]
What are you doing?
Those men in the car next to us.
Don't look at them.
Don't look at them. If they see me,
they'll kill me.
Really, why?
[Screams]
What the hell are you doing?
What's going on?
Take a look at this.
[Otto chuckling]
It looks like sausage.
It isn't sausage, Otto.
That's a picture
of four dead aliens.
[Snickering]
Laugh away, fuckface.
That picture's gonna be on the cover of
every major newspaper in two days' time.
How do you know that?
Part of a secret network.
A scientist who's also
in our secret sect...
smuggled the corpses
off this Air Force base.
Now he's got them in the trunk of his car.
It's a Chevy Malibu.
We've got to find him.
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"Repoman" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/repoman_16790>.
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