Resolution Page #4

bedwettin' ACLU card carrying hearts,

allowed you two newly weds to

consummate your bond.

Then you guys move into this

place after some wheeling, dealing,

d*ckhead mortgage broker

sells you guys an Option ARM

with a NegAm balloon payment.

No kids, expendable

incomes turned out to be

a real financial

nightmare for you guys.

You guys just want

to feel right again.

No, okay, we're not...

Mike, I'm not here to decide who's

the cub and who's the bear.

What I am here to tell ya,

that cash out loan the bank's

tellin' ya isn't possible?

Right here in this briefcase.

That whole "We buy

houses for cash"

I'm that guy.

He's that guy, Mike.

Ted, tell him how much

we could probably get.

Hold your horses, sunshine.

The thing is, I'm gonna need

to see some loan paperwork,

maybe a deed, whatever

you guys have on hand,

and we could probably

work this thing out.

Mike, we have that right?

Why don't you just

give us a retainer now...

Wait, wait. So, you're

a mortgage broker?

Uh, Michael, let's just say what I

used to be able to do on the phones,

probably served better in this

economy going door to door.

So, you're not

a mortgage broker.

You guys are obviously

doing what you guys do.

I do what it is I do.

Nobody talks about maybe

what we can do together,

and, uh, if we do

this thing right,

we trust each other,

we could probably all

profit from this thing.

We're renting.

I'll be damned.

Of course you two are.

Chris, admittedly, I'm

a little bit embarrassed.

Sorry for wasting

your guys' time.

Oh, and, um, Michael,

I'd hate to have either

one of our businesses

disrupted by maybe some

business that didn't happen.

Did you read my

notes on the, uh,

on the squirrels?

You know, you really f***ed

us on that deal, Mike.

What?

Why didn't you follow my lead?

I mean, just follow my lead, man. I

would have split the money with you.

God, we have real trust issues.

You're eating a real meal.

This is amazing.

Yeah, well, I sleep all day,

and I mostly want to kill myself when I'm

awake, but sure I'm a little hungry.

Well, I'm really

happy about that.

If I had crystal meth in my

hand and a gun in the other,

I would have a hard

time choosing.

But you're hungry?

Yeah, fine, I'm hungry.

Hey, so I figured out where

all the equipment came from.

I'm really hungry.

It turns out it belonged

to a group of researchers.

I found their journal.

Really?

They just left all

that stuff up there?

Man, if I would've found that stuff,

I would've sold it and bought drugs.

Well see, that's the thing I don't get

is like why would they just leave

all that stuff, you know?

It's 'cause they

don't exist, I think,

and you just believe everything

people tell you.

What?

Take a look at it.

I really...

I'm really hungry.

Take a look at the journal

and I'll feed you.

Okay.

See what it says.

Um...

Nikola Tesla.

Fer...

Mike, this is in

a different language.

Do you notice anything else?

It says "telekinesis" a lot.

Look, man, there are a lot

of weird people out here.

Okay, are you sure you don't

know who shot that video?

No, I'm not sure, man.

I was high as f***.

Okay, take a look at

the clip one more time.

Mike, my blood sugar is low,

and I'm about to pass out.

Will you please give me beans?

You know, you really f***ed

us on that deal, Mike.

What?

Why didn't you follow my lead?

What the f***?

- Am I f***ing brain damaged?

- You're eating a real meal.

This is amazing.

Yeah, well I sleep

all day and...

Mike, if my f***ing

mind is mush,

don't make me go through this.

Dude, just calm down, okay?

I'm...

F***.

I'm seeing the same thing.

It's satellites.

What?

Yeah, man.

I don't know how

they work either

but that's satellites.

That is government satellites

and they have... They

watch everything.

Chris, why would the

government be watching you?

Why would the government

be watching you, Mike?

Look, I don't know

what you've done.

I came here to help you, okay?

That's it, that's all.

Bullshit.

You came here to help

yourself and you know it.

You're absolutely right.

I'm, I'm actually, I am,

I'm a government spy, yeah.

Or no, wait, maybe I'm,

I'm a mass murderer

child molester.

Oh, now you're just being a dick.

I'm trying to tell you, man,

someone's f***ing following us.

If someone's following us,

why don't you uncuff me so

we can get away from them?

Will you go into rehab?

Oh, here we go.

I don't know, Mike.

If you don't go in, you'll die.

You know that?

Will you go in?

Look, I don't know

and this is retarded.

Look, if five days got

you from no to maybe

then I'm willing to risk it.

If you're trying

to atone for all

those times we were kids and I saved

you from getting your ass just beaten,

this is a shitty way

of going about it.

You saved me?

You punched like a wind sock.

It's horrifying.

If your wife ever sees

you punch anybody,

you are in deep sh*t.

She's gonna leave you

for a stronger man.

You know, your lack

of belief in my

good intentions

here is disturbing.

Yeah, well, when your

friend holds you hostage,

you get a different

perspective.

It's like a little story.

Little story.

Little story.

Little story.

Made some coffee,

you want some?

I'm sleeping.

It's good coffee, man,

you should try it.

Does it have crack in it?

Kind of.

Here.

Hey, do you know about any,

uh, any caves nearby?

Yes.

Drive to the end of the road,

and then there's some stables,

and then a dirt trail.

Take that, and then you will find

the, uh, Mexican trafficking cave.

Trafficking cave?

Yeah.

No really, but Billy

and Micah thought

it was this Mexican

drug trafficking cave.

I was like, "Why

would anyone build

a tunnel fifty miles

from Mexico?"

But they're like,

"We're gonna get rich."

Tweakers.

Are you, uh, are you cool

if I go check it out?

I feel like I need a walk.

What about mountain lions?

What about them?

Since 1983, the mountain

lion population

of this town has increased

staggeringly and steadily.

Right now, there's like 13

mountain lions per person.

Yeah, I think, uh,

I think I'll be fine.

You should take my

mountain lion gun.

You have a mountain lion gun?

Mm-hm.

I'm just, I'm gonna

take my chances.

All right, man.

Yeah.

You know, on a side note, I'm

not feeling too bad today.

I feel pretty sweet.

Good.

If you got energy, I will

leave you my laptop here.

There's some, there's some games

on it if you wanna play.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I will.

Is this a camera?

Hey, girl, hey.

That was a warning, Danube!

I want my tish!

Look, I know this

is a dark moment

but it does get better.

You keep f***ing saying that,

man, but you don't get it.

This is the worst of it, okay?

Just make it to tomorrow.

Mike, I never enjoyed life

until I started doing drugs.

Okay, I know that's not true.

It is true.

Our childhood I was miserable.

Our adolescence f***ing sucked.

The only time I ever

felt happiness was

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