Return to Sender

1

Hey! How was it? How'd it go?

Dr. Cyper is amazing.

You'd think he was cutting the crusts

off his kid's sandwich.

So you really want to leave

all of this for that?

If I qualify for this transfer

I'll still... Is this yours?

- Oh, yeah, sorry.

- I will still be "all this" adjacent.

I don't know why you want

to be a surgical nurse.

You know, I can take my kids barfing on me,

I can take the patients whizzing on me,

but the minute you pull out

a scalpel... I'm like... gross!

Yeah, it can be awfully revolting.

Did Mrs. Disantos die?

Tony, I'm so sorry about your mother.

You were always so good

to come and stay with her.

I hope it's some comfort

that she didn't suffer much.

No.

No. There's no comfort at all.

I wish she had suffered good and long.

Yeah, I wish she had to lay

in that bed for 29 years

and listen to me tell her how...

ugly...

stupid...

and lazy she is.

Yeah, I'm not going to the store

to get your pills.

I'm not rubbing the cramps

out of your legs.

I'm not putting gas

in your f***ing car anymore.

Holy crap! I mean, for five months?

He reads her the newspaper,

he brushes her hair,

he brings her azaleas from her garden?

I thought he loved his mother,

didn't you?

- I thought he was 45!

- Shut up!

- He fooled us both. He's 29?

- Twenty-nine?

Hey, wait! I heard that you were

going out on some kind of blind date.

I mean, really,

you're keeping that from me?

It's nothing, really.

A decompressive craniectomy

is nothing, really.

Compared to this. It is big news!

And I feel a little left out.

Well, Nancy, the way big news

travels around here

I'm sure you'll hear all about it.

You sure have a lot of holes

in your face.

I have holes all over.

Nice. Any more down there?

Excuse me.

Would you mind?

Dammit.

You can use one of those.

No, that's okay.

I'll just wait 'til later.

Well...

You have to sign the receipt.

Okay.

Thank you.

Daddy?

Daddy?

Get off me, you stupid dog!

Benny, come here! Come!

- Did he get you?

- Yeah, he tore my dress. Stupid dog.

Well, he's not stupid,

he's just being protective, that's all.

- I'm your daughter.

- You're a stranger to him, is all.

Come on, Benny.

You know, Miranda, I've been thinking.

I really should go with you tomorrow.

Go down and look at that house.

Oh, yeah, look at it

or try to talk me out of it?

Come on. I know better

than to try to talk you out of it.

But these realtors are kind

of slick, you know.

They'd do anything to make a sale.

So you've got to check

the heating system.

And the foundations, and the roof.

- Yeah.

- And...

Oh, I'm sorry about Benny.

There's a trick to him. Bribery.

Get him some meat

and he'll be your friend forever.

Hello!

Miranda.

I want him to stop bothering me.

- It's so good to see you, Karen.

- Same here.

You owe me a dress, dog.

Miranda, somebody's choking.

Sorry.

No one can get their arms around him.

Okay. Okay, sir.

The Heimlich maneuver isn't working.

Just... I'm gonna help you.

I'm gonna help you.

I'm gonna help you breathe.

Someone give me a steak knife.

It's okay, sir.

I'm gonna help you breathe.

I need a straw. I need a straw.

It's gonna be okay.

Hold my hand squeeze tight.

Squeeze all you want. Okay.

Okay, there you go, there you go.

- Someone call 911?

- Yeah, we did.

Okay, they're on their way.

You're gonna be okay.

So, marble in the entryway,

sunken living room, and...

granite countertops.

Throughout.

Stainless steel appliances, and...

double ovens.

- I love double wall ovens.

- I love them too!

- Let's have a look at that water heater.

- Yes, let's.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- Miranda! What did you do?

- I said I'd bring the cake.

- It's so beautiful!

- You made this?

It's just something I do.

Oh, my God. It's so perfect,

I don't want to ruin it.

- Oh, come on. That's nonsense, Nancy.

- That's what it's for.

- All right. Here we go.

- No, no, Nancy, Nancy.

- What?

- It's got mustard on it.

- I brought this, use this.

- Okay.

Wait, wait, wait. There are no candles.

It's not a birthday cake

if there are no candles.

- Yes, it is.

- All right, I'll settle this. Watch this.

What a way to eat this.

It's the salt and the sweet.

- It's so good!

- Nancy is so drunk.

- So when's the big night?

- The big night?

- With Kevin.

- Kevin. The big night is...

- You didn't cancel.

- No, I didn't cancel.

Just promise me

that you won't stand him up.

- He works with my husband.

- I... why... why would I do that?

Well, it took me a good six months

to get you to say yes.

- I just really want it to go well.

- I don't know why you care so much.

If it goes great

then you can say that...

you found your soulmate

because of Darlene.

Kevin?

You didn't knock.

- I was...

- You're early.

That's why I didn't knock.

I'm sorry.

There are worse things,

I suppose, like... being late.

Yes, they're here!

Oh, let me get that for you.

Thank you.

Where do you want it?

- Over here?

- That's fine.

All right,

I'll just set that right there.

- Did you cut yourself?

- No.

Oh, no, that's nail polish.

I should put some clothes on.

Would you excuse me?

Okay. Sure.

Oh, I should've offered you

something to drink.

I have fresh squeezed lemonade.

Do I have to pay 50 cents

and drink it out of a little paper cup?

No, I closed the stand.

Bought a little bicycle

with the money I made.

- A little basket on the front?

- With tassels for the handlebars.

- So do you want the lemonade?

- No thank you, I'm good.

You moving?

What?

I was just asking, are you...

are you moving?

Yeah. As soon as I sell this place.

What, you don't like it here?

Liking one place doesn't mean

you can't move to another one, so...

I don't know, the question of whether

I like it here or not is really moot.

Sorry.

You look hot.

- Did you say something?

- I was just saying you look really nice.

Thank you, Kevin.

I ordered these a few days ago,

and I have been dying to get them.

Must be an awfully special pen?

Would you mind?

Thank you.

You know, I should finish getting ready.

- Could you come back?

- Come back?

- Well, you are early.

- What time was I supposed to be here?

You don't remember?

- It's just...

- Kevin.

Come on.

I really don't want to leave.

I think it's best that you do.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Why'd you do that?

Unlock my door.

Okay, you need to leave, like, right now,

or I'm calling the police.

You're not calling anybody. Okay?

- Don't you touch me.

- It's okay.

Hey, hey! Miranda,

I don't want to hurt you!

I won't hurt you!

Hey! Hey!

- Hey, come here.

- Stop it, you f***!

Hey, stop!

I want you.

I've always wanted you.

- Hey!

- Get the f*** off me!

Stop!

It's gonna be okay. I already said

I don't want to hurt you, okay?

I don't want to hurt you.

No!

That feel good?

Are you okay? You okay?

You okay?

Hello?

Miranda?

Anybody home?

Miranda?

Should I wait here?

Darlene said you might cancel.

I just... I showed up, and she was...

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