Revenge of the Nerds III: The Next Generation

[Rock]

Estimated A.A.O.C., one hour,

11 minutes and 33 seconds.

- What's A.A.O.C?

- Actual arrival on campus.

[Nerdy Laughing]

[Sighs]

College is gonna be so great.

Yeah, that's what you said

when we went to high school...

and we got the crap

knocked out of us every day.

There were a few incorrigible elements

in high school...

but it's completely

different at Adams.

Adams College was one of the first schools

in the country to treat nerds with respect.

It's the promised land,

kind of like a nerd Israel.

[Horn Honking]

Those guys are gonna

hurt somebody.

I haven't been back

to Adams College for 10 years.

The hardest part about movin' to New York

was havin' to quit the board of regents...

not being able to spend

more time on campus.

- It's a great school, Adam. You're gonna love it.

- I'm sure I will, sir.

The best years of my life

were spent at Adams.

It's where I learned

to compete, become a winner.

I credit Adams with molding me

into the man that I am today.

[Chuckles, Spits]

It'll do the same for you.

[Continues]

[Making Gun Noises]

[Continues]

- [Beeping]

- What's that?

Stealth technology.

It automatically detects radar...

and slows the car down

when police are near.

Ah, damn.

They're only going 45.

- Let's go get 'em.

- What for? They're not speeding.

- They're nerds.

- [Engine Starts, Revs]

[Continues]

[Ends]

Is there some problem,

Officer... Gab?

It's Gable.

Let me see your driver's license.

It's not a very good picture.

You got the proper

windshield wipers?

Certainly. What would you

like to see them do?

Just turn 'em on.

Well, the waste in your

ashtray looks flammable.

I'm afraid I'm gonna

have to cite you.

We're dead.

Air bags

on the back of cars...

would cut down on damage

from rear-end collisions by 72.3%.

[Rock]

I wish my son was a nerd.

See, Ira?

Nothin' to worry about.

This is gonna be a great year.

[Nerdy Laughing]

[Continues]

Boy, this is great.

I mean, it's beautiful.

Hasn't changed a bit.

[Chattering]

[Man] Why is that guard

dressed like such a jerk?

That's not a jerk, Dad.

It's worse. It's a nerd.

Protons, neutrons,

electrons merge!

We're the atom's power surge!

Go, Adams!

[Continues]

[Ends]

[Man]

What in the hell is a pocket protector?

We call 'em nerd packs.

It's what nerds wear to keep pens

from messing up their shirts.

Maybe I shouldn't go to Adams.

Oh, you're going here, Adam.

I named you after the damn school.

"E" equals...

"MC" squared!

"E" equals "MC" squared!

All right!

College women-

Look how much more developed

they are than high school girls.

Yeah, and they'll probably treat us worse

than they did in high school too.

Ira, not if we meet

the challenge head-on.

Look. In this love bag...

I've got everything

we'll ever need at college-

an illustrated edition

of the Kamma Sutra-

- Oh! Ha!

- Huh?

- Oh.

- A fur love glove.

Wow!

Oh, hey, look

what else I got.

- Mints!

- No. Condoms.

But we're virgins.

Not for long.

[Laughs]

Well, this is it, my boy.

This is where

we used to play ball.

This is where we beat Saint John's

the year they went to the final four.

[Chuckles]

What a game that was.

This is the

computer science center?

What the hell's going on here?

Isn't this great? They turned the gymnasium

into the computer science center.

We'll never have

to take P.E. Again.

[Nerdy Laughing]

Oh, boy. This college is even greater

than I imagined.

And to think that my uncle is chairman

of the computer science department.

Hey, are you sure it's okay for me to go

over to his house with you?

- I hate to impose.

- No "problemo."

My uncle is the greatest

guy in the world.

I'm sure he's dying to see us.

[Tires Screeching]

Oh, my gosh.

- [Gasps] Oh, honey!

- Hi.

Hi, darling.

How was your day?

It was wonderful. I think we got federal

funding for the solar computer project.

- That's great.

- Big bucks

for the computer science department.

It almost assures the dynamic systems

and I.L.G. Accounts.

Honey, you are so fantastic.

You just keep racking up these computer

consultant jobs for Adams.

Well, babe,

what can I tell you?

When you're hot... you're hot.

[Nerdy Laugh, Coughs]

- It's okay to laugh.

- No, it isn't.

- It isn't hip.

- It turns me on, darling.

Oh, Betty.

So how was your day?

It was great.

I lectured on the difference

between Chagall and Mir.

Oh, Mir's been appreciating

far more rapidly over the past 10 years.

Darling, I'm concerned with their technique,

not their selling price.

The heck with the technique.

Give me the green.

- Hungry?

- Starved.

Great, because we're

having Tuscan monkfish...

and grilled

babyJapanese eggplant.

- Mmm.

- Don't ruin your appetite.

I hope we have enough

for your nephew and his friend.

- Are they coming over?

- Yes. They're on their way.

- Oh.

- Aren't you excited to see Harold?

Of course I am, Betty.

I love Harold.

He's a wonderful kid.

It's just... the way he dresses.

He's such a... nerd.

What's wrong with that?

You were when you were his age.

That's why I fell

in love with you.

I may have been perceived

as that in the past, Betty...

but I'm certainly not

thought of that way anymore.

- [Alarm Blaring]

- [Man's Voice] Attention!

This is a smoke alert!

[Alarm Continues Blaring]

- Uncle Lewis.

- Harold.

- Hey.

- Hey, Harold.

Uh, it's not Lewis anymore.

People call me Lew now.

- Oh, sure, Uncle Lew.

- Okay.

- Hi, Harold.

- Aunt Betty.

- How are you doing?

- Is it still Aunt Betty,

or are you now Elizabeth?

- Oh, it's just, um, plain old Aunt Betty.

- Oh.

Hey, Harold, who's your friend?

Oh, Uncle Lewis- Lew-

and Aunt Betty...

this is my best friend

in the whole world, Ira Poppus.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi, Ira.

- Oh, what happened to your hand, Mr. Skolnick?

Ah, it's just a little lab accident.

Wow.

So, where are you boys living?

Oh, we're over at the freshman dorm

till we pledge a fraternity.

Which one?

We hope to go

Lambda Lambda Lambda.

Mm. Well, I hope you fellas are planning

on rushing other fraternities as well.

No. Why should we?

You were a Tri-Lamb.

Well, that's true. But one thing I've learned

in life is that appearances are everything.

What are you putting

in their minds, Lew?

Harold, I never told you this, but I always

wanted to be an Alpha Beta.

Alpha Beta?

That's a jock house, isn't it?

That's right.

And I didn't get in.

It's something I've had

to live with my entire life.

[Clears Throat] I, uh, loved the barbecued

purple things, Uncle Lew.

Those are the baby

Japanese eggplant.

- Finished, Ira?

- Uh-huh.

L-I loved the Tuscan fish,

Mr. Skolnick.

It's the first time

I've had fish not in stick form.

[Nerdy Laughing]

Boys, don't laugh like that.

Don't laugh like that!

Why not?

Laugh any way

you want, boys.

Sometimes your uncle

is embarrassed that he's a nerd.

- Am not.

- Are too.

- Am not! Am not!

- Are too! Are too!

Would you like to go with us to

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