Richard Pryor Live on the Sunset Strip

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Ladies and gentlemen,

live on the Sunset Strip, Richard Pryor!

We are gathered here today...

to make sure...

everyone eats.

If not each other...

food.

I was gonna talk about something

that's very serious...

and I hope no one gets offended.

I wanna talk about f***ing.

And sometimes I talk about it.

And a lot of people in the audience...

don't know what I mean.

So would you raise your hand

it you don't know what f***ing is...

so we can watch your ass

when you leave here?

Because not enough f***in'...

goin' on in America.

Americans. Reagan get in,

you stop f***in'.

We f***ed when Carter was in.

We f***ed all the time.

There wasn't nothin' else to do.

"Hey. Let's f***."

President makin' a speech.

"Let's f***."

Reagan in. Now.

Everybody listen to this motherf***er.

"We can't f*** now."

I say get them

last few fucks in now.

See. I know one of the advantages.

When you're in show business,

the little extra treat you get...

is that you get p*ssy.

And, you know...

the great p*ssy drought

of the '50s?

I was caught up in that motherf***er.

I'm talkin' about...

I discovered masturbating by accident.

I'm not lying. I was about ten.

I was in the tub.

And that's when you used to

have to hold your dick with two fingers.

You remember when you

was little like that?

Right? I was in the tub.

I said. "Hey.

I'm on to something here.

I bet Dad don't know about this."

And then when you was young,

remember. Men...

We didn't come or nothin'.

You just made that tunny feelin'.

You know. You...

First time I came, ejaculated.

Scared the f*** out of me. Man.

I thought somethin' was wrong. Right?

I was with this woman. I said.

"Look what the f*** you done did!"

About an hour later though.

I was back goin'. "Can you do it again?"

Women are so cool about sex.

They like it as much as we do.

But they can be cooler.

You say, "Do you wanna f***?"

"No."

And they go home and have

all that electrical equipment.

I can't get off

behind that long sh*t.

Nothin'.

I remember one time

I got some Playboy bunny p*ssy.

I thought I was in the big time.

Goin' home with a Playboy bunny!

You dig?

We was gonna have

a nice little midnight snack.

I went to her apartment.

Her apartment was bad!

It was one of those apartments that

if I don't get the p*ssy...

I can f*** this couch.

We started talkin'.

She had seen my act.

She said, "I really like the way

you do those little kids in your act.

Them's great.

Can you talk like a little kid?"

I said. "What? Now?"

"Yeah. Just do a little."

"I feel funny. I mean... okay.

You mean. Like, when I do this?

Like that?"

She said, "Yeah."

I say. "You like that. Huh?"

And she started taking off clothes.

And the more clothes she took oft.

The younger I got.

When she got to her panties.

I was on the floor talking about...

She gave birth to me about 9:30.

Can I get some water?

There was supposed to be

a stool and some water.

Is it April Fools'?

Oh. This is the one.

I have to walk way the f***

over there to get some water.

Thank you. Brother. Don't trip.

You're nervouser than me.

Sh*t. Thank you.

I wish I had had

a pitcher of that sh*t.

Thank you.

- What's in it?

- Huh? Water.

As far as I know.

I hope I don't start tripping.

Did that...

Was that here all the time?

That motherf***er been there

all the time?

Wait a minute.

We don't know nothin'...

but the photographic memory.

This motherf***er was not here.

See. We may not be literate.

But we visual than a motherf***er.

Just needed a little water...

to relax...

calm down.

'Cause I feel the tension

from you all.

You all want me to do so well.

I want to do so well for you.

But let's relax and enjoy...

whatever the f*** happens.

'Cause I got my check.

I'm gonna tell you something.

I got so f***in' nervous...

myself. Today.

I forgot what the f*** I did.

I was at home. I said,

"I know I do somethin'...

'cause there's too many white folks

paying attention to me...

for me not to be in jail and sh*t."

I used to think

when I first started. I said...

"Maybe I ain't tunny

no more. You know.

Maybe I ain't angry at nothin'

tor real in my heart, you know."

I'd just say.

"I'm just not mad about it.

I don't get it. Motherfuckers wanna

kill yourselves. That's your business.

Just don't do it on my porch."

And it really takes a lot

to start workin' again on stage...

because then your mind ain't there

and your spirit...

and you're tryin' to go for it.

And greed is a b*tch.

Greed says, "Go ahead and do it.

They offer you so much money...

and you're greedy."

And then your manager

is larger than anything, right?

He says. "But you're not like that.

You don't want to rip people oft.

You try and do the best...

and you go out there

and you make an ass of yourself...

embarrass your friends.

Hold your dick."

My greed does not exceed

my self-respect.

My greed is good. Though.

Greed is runnin'

a close motherfuckin' second.

When I'm asleep. Greed is workin'

on the self-respect somewhere.

"Say. Why don't you just do it

tor a little more?"

But I do a lot of sh*t now that

I never did when I didn't have money.

I didn't have the problems I have now,

like watchin' motherfuckers count it.

I must drive my accountant crazy.

I wake up at 3:
00 in the morning going,

"Hey. Man, what the f***?

How much is it?

Well. Prove it.

Bring it over."

"But it's three in the morning."

"F*** that. I want to see it now."

And I got lawyers and sh*t. Lawyers

are some expensive motherfuckers.

And I got lawyers and sh*t. Lawyers

are some expensive motherfuckers.

I got a lawyer.

First week. The motherf***er...

brought me a bill for $40,000.

I said,

"Motherf***er. I just met you!"

And lawyers,

they don't get upset. Right?

"Goddamn it! Why is this..."

"Don't worry.

Everything will be all right."

"No, but I wanna know why you..."

"Take it easy."

And you leave there

feelin' like an a**hole.

You be goin',

"What the f*** am I yellin' about?

They calm.

I'm just facing 47 years."

Them motherfuckers will keep you

out of the penitentiary...

and out of a lot of courts.

But it's gonna cost a lot!

Some people must say.

"F*** it. I'll go to the penitentiary.

You motherfuckers cost too much.

I can do ten years in the penitentiary

and get off better...

than these 30

you're gonna put on me."

I met some lawyers, right?

I had a guy I'm suing.

A black attorney who was my brother.

Right on.

He was. It was beautiful.

My brother.

The motherf***er took me

hook, line and sinker...

on dry land.

I don't know.

I just know that this is wonderful.

Especially this suit...

that I have on.

I thought if I have a monkey,

me and this suit will be hot.

'Cause I can't wear

this kind of sh*t real comfortable.

You have to be cool. Billy Dee Williams

could hang in this motherf***er.

Me, when I wear sh*t like this.

I'm always afraid...

that one motherf***er somewhere

will say...

"What you doin' in that red suit.

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