Ricki and the Flash Page #3

Lots of times. Heh, heh.

Mo's great.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, she's...

Emily and I have been together

for almost two years.

- She's met the whole family.

- Yup.

Yeah. Em, why aren't

you wearing your ring?

Your engagement ring.

You two are engaged?

Yes.

Yup. Yeah.

Josh got Emily

this conflict-free diamond.

He proposed at the lake.

We were all there.

It was beyond gay.

- It was lovely. It was lovely.

- I'm happy for you.

So happy for you, honey.

Thank you.

Why didn't you tell me?

Well, we, uh, wanted to keep

things quiet for a while

so we could enjoy the

news privately. Oh.

But Julie said everybody

was at the proposal.

Did this just happen?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- No. No, it was...

- No. It was July 4th.

- Yeah.

So that was months.

Months ago.

We all know you're going through

something, but you're cray-cray.

We were planning on

telling you tonight in person.

Because I hadn't met you and...

Why don't you be honest,

and tell mom

that you don't want her

at the wedding?

Would you be interested in hearing our

appetizer specials? That is not true.

Yes. No.

We're practically eloping, mom.

Yeah, it's gonna be

very small, very green.

Not gonna be a big, formal

wedding like the one Julie had.

Thanks for referencing that.

Yeah, well, thanks for this.

I'm still having Ambien shits

from my suicide attempt.

You wanna talk about my wedding?

It's okay. Go ahead.

You know,

it won't hurt my feelings

if you decide to elope.

Your dad and I eloped.

It was great. Yes, it was.

Yeah. So, anyway, this is

wonderful, wonderful news.

- Thank you.

- Wonderful.

Hey, Adam, when are you gonna

settle down and get married?

Who wants some appetizers?

Mom, I'm gay, as you know.

You used to love the carpaccio.

And unfortunately,

many of my fellow gay men

still can't get married.

Well, I didn't mean

to a man necessarily.

Who would I marry, then? Well,

I thought you were bisexual?

That was my cover story

in college, like, 10 years ago.

I'm really sorry that you didn't

stay updated on my sexuality

but then again,

you didn't stay updated

on much of anything. Am I right?

Okay. Okay.

Now that I know that you decided

to say you're completely gay,

"decided"? You are such a homophobe.

I won't ask about it again.

This is what she does. She costumes

herself as this edgy rocker

who's cooler

than the other pta moms,

when in fact, she voted

for George w. Bush twice.

I support our troops.

And I'm the one

with the questionable lifestyle.

Huh? Meanwhile, she's running

around calling herself ricki.

Well, that's a name,

not a lifestyle.

I was born gay.

I was born ricki.

Touch.

This sh*t-show is making my day.

Is this whole thing a plea

for attention as per usual

or are you actually

a psychotic b*tch?

Hey, don't you dare call

your sister psychotic!

Oh, my god, she's parenting.

Someone get a camera.

Just cool it. This...

Let's... look.

It's a very rare occasion

that we all

get together like this.

Your mother's here, right?

I mean, I know...

I know we've always had

some, you know, issues

and personality conflicts,

but what family hasn't? Yeah.

But we are a family, still.

You know, let's... we can put all

that crap behind us, can't we?

And just appreciate

the proximity.

I mean, at this moment,

the brummel family

and family-to-be

is proximal.

That's special

in itself, isn't it?

Thank you.

I would get a bottle of

champagne for the whole table.

No, but that's... but I

just filed for bankruptcy.

Describe to me how

it makes you...

Well, doc...

And thank you for asking.

It's not that I feel unbreakable

or even impenetrable.

It's just...

What is it? Come on, Angelo.

This is

a major breakthrough here.

There is a wonderful, old

Italian joke about a poor man.

You're still here?

Hey.

What are we gonna do today?

I have therapy at noon,

so I gotta go wash my dick

or I'll get another lecture

in personal care.

Why don't you skip therapy?

Just today.

Call in sick.

I am sick.

That's why I'm in therapy.

I mean, how often

am I here? Heh.

Never?

Honestly.

It's just a shampoo and trim.

You have really good hair.

You should, like, brush it.

She has my hair.

Ow! Unh!

Not more than half an inch.

I can feel

how much you're cutting.

Why are we

so attached to our hair?

Someday you're

gonna find a gray hair,

and I don't mean on your head.

No one wants to hear

about your steel wool, mom.

I look like nosferatu.

Oh, don't worry,

they file them down.

That's 190 on the card

and you can add whatever tip.

Let's leave a nice,

big one, shall we?

Hey.

Hey.

You look very nice.

Well... how?

I just made

a suggestion, you know?

She listens to me. Huh.

I was a bit of a jerk yesterday.

I'm sorry about that.

The market had... the...

Things have been really

stressful at the company.

Yeah, well, you work very hard.

I admire that.

You do? Yeah.

You used to call me

an uptight workaholic.

Yeah, honey.

I used to call you a lot of things.

Heh, heh.

But I changed, Pete.

I have.

I see that.

I mean, I've been

trying to get her

to change her clothes for days.

Well, sometimes a girl

just needs her mother.

I guess so.

- Here we go. Taste it.

- They changed it a little.

No, no, it's the same taste.

Why would they change it?

No. I don't know why.

Holy sh*t.

It's a recipe that has...

Oh, my god.

What? Nicole from traffic.

This is her car.

But you can't be sure.

No, I know.

She's got these stupid

stick figure thing...

Oh, baby.

Oh, she added Max. Oh, my god.

Let's not vandalize the car.

Come on.

Hey, hey! Let's just go home,

all right?

Let's go home.

No, no, no, Julie.

Please, Julie. Julie, wait.

Why did you walk out

on my daughter that way?

I made a mistake.

We got married young.

If you're too young

to be married

what makes you think

that you're ready

to raise Kenzie and krash?

It's Kash, and how do you

know my kids' names?

Everybody on highway 70

knows your kids' names.

Lady, you weren't even

at our wedding.

Julie hates you.

That may be. I have

to live with that every day.

You have to live

with the pain you caused.

You're the reason she's crazy.

Julie's not crazy.

Julie is grieving

over a very short marriage

to a man who turns out...

That's enough.

You two need to back off.

You. You know, it's one thing

to fall in love with somebody.

It's quite another to encourage

him to abandon his new wife

and then slapping

a sticker of him

on the back of your car

next to the dog.

Hey, I love my dog, okay?

Yeah? Now you have two.

Oh.

Whoo!

My heart is dead and rotten.

Don't say that.

No, a heart isn't something

that's like a steak,

you know, that spoils.

A heart is like a big Mac.

It just sits and sits and sits.

It gets older, yeah,

but it doesn't change.

What? You're saying that

a big Mac never goes bad?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Interesting. It lives forever.

I saw it on 60 minutes.

That's disgusting.

Huh. Well, hm, hm, hm...

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