Ridicule Page #2

---

as Samson killed Philistines.

We all adore red currants.

If Samson had--

If Samson hadn't--

- Where are your estates?

- The Dombes.

A land of swamps and disease.

That's why I'm here.

What an unsavory topic!

Give some champagne

to Mr. Ponceludon.

Baron, how did you find the English?

Droll. They have a way of speaking

they call ''hew-mah.''

It makes them laugh enormously.

Is it like wit?

Not really, no.

What is it in French?

It's untranslatable.

Don't tease. Tell us!

Any talk that causes laughter

must be a form of wit.

It's not exactly ''wit.''

We've no word for it.

Then give us an example.

I asked Twickenham

how many mistresses he had.

He answered impassively:

''How many constitute several?''

It's the only example

that comes to mind.

Comes to mouth!

How did Samson kill the Philistines?

Samson! The Philistines!

With the jawbone of an ass.

The jawbone of an ass!

''I could eat as many

as Samson slew Philistines.''

''With the same jawbone, Abbot?''

The jawbone of an ass!

I'd have been the talk of the court.

Two hours too late.

Age is the enemy, Ponceludon.

A few years ago, I'd have had him.

Wit eludes us all sometimes.

Not everyone.

Bravo, anyway.

You scored a point

with ''Comes to mouth.''

A pity you laughed.

A tortoise.

An inkwell.

An amethyst.

A porcelain wagon.

A starfish.

A book.

Think.

A snuffbox.

Wrong.

An apple!

How could I forget?

You have odd pastimes.

Children's brains are moist and fluid.

As we get older...

the brain dries up...

and memory declines.

I file every witty remark in here.

Double entendres, repartees, quips...

wordplays, retorts, paradoxes.

Your ''Comes to mouth'' is a repartee.

I had a strange dream.

My head was on the block.

The axman said--

''One quip and you can live.''

Everyone at court has that dream.

Don't laugh with your mouth open.

It's too coarse.

Is Mr. de Montalieri dissatisfied?

Your letter alarmed me.

It's a good post, Mathilde.

Being a governess

will aid your ambitions.

Monsieur is pleased with my work.

But...

it'd be indecent to remain

in his wife's home.

''Monsieur de Montalieri...

shall have access

to his wife's bed twice a month.

Her refusal

will invalidate this contract.

Any breach of this contract...

will terminate the income of 2,000...

which Mr. de Montalieri

bestows on his future wife.''

For the last time, are you sure?

There's no mention

of the workshop I need...

for my research.

It's stipulated in the appendix.

My future bride...

defends her interests.

I approve of that...

but I wish to set one more condition.

My bride shall not...

before or after our wedding...

for any reason...

appear at court.

If she does,

I shall be freed of my commitments.

Mademoiselle de Bellegarde,

do you agree to this?

My daughter detests

the corruption of the court.

Don't you, Mathilde?

I won't put any wedding date...

as Madame de Montalieri

is still... with us.

How is she?

She didn't recognize me yesterday.

Help me.

It's not watertight.

Do you know the water pressure

at 1 00 feet?

3 ounces per square inch.

I've studied Pascal.

Nature put crabs under water

and girls at home.

Nature gave your peasants fever.

- What grease do you use?

- Otter fat? Why?

Seal the seams with tar.

Then observe...

how well it reacts to movement.

Turn around.

Do you love Montalieri?

Love?

I don't believe in it.

Why get married?

It's either that...

stay poor, or be a nun.

My father can't pay for my research.

You'll take a lover,

like all noblewomen.

You can look.

Don't watch your feet!

Now spin.

Spin!

Had only the tyranny of wit

done away with genealogists!

I'm trying to see the king...

to plead that my family

be restored its historic title.

The Bishop of Caen is helping me.

I expect to be heard soon.

I'm glad.

It's important.

I'm in line for a post

at the Academy.

A lucrative post!

Meanwhile, I'm a little short.

I'm sorry.

But I'd give you an I.O.U.!

I'm hard up myself. I'm sorry.

May I ask what you seek at Versailles?

A grant to drain

some fever-infested swamps.

Do you have sponsors?

Do you have wit?

I know how to speak my mind.

Your best hope is to see the king...

but first you must prove

your lineage back to... 1 399.

We belong to the House of Savoy.

I see...

but you have no proof

of your family title.

We've always had it.

Perhaps...

but I need to see

the birth certificate...

of Marquis Sigismond de Malavoy...

deceased in 1 507.

Our castle burned in 1 680.

Papers--

Castles have a habit of burning.

Write to his native parish.

They may have baptism records.

Watch this. Galvani was right.

Electricity affects animals' wits.

I have a theory.

Electricity and wit

are one and the same.

Such smooth skin.

Like the legs of--

You admire my greatest success.

That diving suit is madness.

Mathilde was born

in the age of Rousseau.

I forbade her nothing.

Is this marriage her idea?

Her will is her own.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Excellent news!

Dinner with the Duke de Guines!

I told you wit opened doors!

Thank you, Paul.

Excuse me. Is that boy a deaf-mute?

Yes, and a half-wit.

I can help him.

I run a home for such children.

We have a language--

He's perfectly happy with us.

Charles Michel de l'Epe.

I'm delighted.

Excuse me!

Age and rank first.

My heritage is clear.

We're cousins.

One of my aunts is a Ballencourt.

Ballencourt de Merignac?

Ballencourt du Tilleul.

It's the same family.

Look at our grandfather.

See the resemblance?

Our grandfather?

His is the one with four legs!

Reply, Monsieur...

with the wit that befits

Academy membership.

It never befat

one worthier than I!

''Befat''?

Droll language

for a would-be Academician!

Don't be surprised.

Every harem has its eunuch.

That guard is watching us.

No wonder.

This is a lovers' walk.

We look out of place.

Play the lover, then.

Why waste your best years...

on a lecherous old man?

He's interested in science.

Discussing the facts of life

may bring children!

I have better things to do.

Don't you?

I'm trying to save lives.

You're misguided.

Versailles doesn't save lives.

Rotten trees bear no fruit.

Is your harvest in?

Almost.

You think me heartless.

You're young.

You think you don't need anyone.

I have enough. Let's go.

Hurry up!

The bee has its pollen!

Pollinate these.

You disapprove of my reasons

for marrying.

What is this variety?

You didn't answer.

You judge me.

Your vital instincts draw you to me.

Nothing else.

The portrait session!

That's enough for today.

You must compose a rhyming epigram.

A dull epigram will count against you.

Quips depend on luck.

Epigrams need work.

Work kills inspiration.

Be bold but circumspect.

Beware of the abbot. He's a snake.

He watches in silence.

When he speaks, it's too late.

''Eyes, wise.''

''Missed, Eucharist.''

Verse form?

Iambic couplets.

The one joy here that I have missed

Has been to see our king so wise

LikeJesus at the Eucharist

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes