Riding the Bullet Page #3

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you know.

Okay.

You sure, now? A bird in the hand....

I'll be okay. Thank you.

Any time, son.

My wife Allie....

What's that?

What's the matter with you?

It was just a sad old man

with leaky plumbing in a sad old car.

There was nobody in there with him.

It was just a reflection or something.

What the hell were you so afraid of?

You were afraid you might

catch what he's got.

Sometimes it's right to be afraid.

I'm not afraid of death.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

You're the f***ing Prince of Darkness.

Here we go.

Get a job, f*ggot!

Hey, f*** you!

Oh, sh*t!

There he is!

P*ssy.

Go on! Go home!

Go on, go! Get! Go!

Jesus.

Don't you wanna see me before I die?

Of course I do, Mom.

Then why do you keep turning down rides?

Fun is fun and done is done.

Don't you love me?

Freezing.

-Look how high we are.

-Why did we do this?

-Mom, let's go.

-What?

I just want to go.

Al, you've been bugging me all weekend

to ride the Bullet.

I know. I just wanna go.

If you're gonna make me wait

in the freezing cold...

-you're going to go on the goddamned ride!

-I changed my mind. I can't.

That's it. That's the last time, buddy boy!

I've had it with your nonsense!

"George Staub."

Jesus, he died two years ago today.

Yeah, but he was born on your birthday.

-"Fun is fun."

-And done is done.

Oh, sh*t.

Mom's dead.

We're saving a place for you!

That didn't happen.

You're in a graveyard, on your way

to see your mom in the hospital.

You're riding with every maniac on the road.

You think you're in a horror movie,

but you're not.

You're just trying to get home to see Mom.

If you just walk out of here now

without looking back...

you can go on believing that

for the rest of your life.

F*** that.

You know that's not what it said.

I just read it wrong.

Bullshit.

It said, "Fun is fun and done is done."

-Mom's dead.

-No.

-Thanks for the ride.

-Not a problem.

-Headed up to the city?

-Sure am.

Cool. Me, too.

Maybe we should have taken another car.

-What are you doing up in the city?

-Don't tell him.

There's something's wrong here.

Don't tell him.

My brother's getting married.

I'm gonna be his best man.

Rehearsal's tomorrow,

plus a stag party after.

Yeah?

Your brother's getting married. That's good.

-What's your name?

-Lie!

Hector. Hector Passmore.

There's something really wrong here.

You're never gonna make it to Lewiston.

Mom's dead.

You're never gonna make it home.

And what's that awful smell?

Bet you got a lot of sh*t for that,

back in school?

What?

Name like that. Hector Passmore.

Yeah, I guess so.

Sh*t, man. I'd have changed it.

Nice to meet you, Hector.

Name's George.

George Staub.

Formaldehyde! That's the smell!

The son of a b*tch is dead!

The dead travel fast.

I can't let him know I know.

I dig this song, man. I really dig this song.

Why didn't I go with the old guy

in the truss? What was I so afraid of?

The dead travel fast.

That old fart never moved more than 45.

So, there's nothing like a wedding.

Yeah. Everyone should do it at least twice.

Easy! You can't let him know you know!

At least twice!

Yeah, sounds like my whole f***ing family!

Yeah, mine, too.

-There's really nothing like a funeral, right?

-Wedding.

-What?

-Sh*t. You said "funeral"!

He knows!

God, what's under that hat?

Wedding.

You said "funeral."

Wedding.

Wedding is what I meant to say.

We always say what we mean to say, Hector.

That's what I think.

Me and Sigmund Freud.

He's f***ing with you, man.

He knows you saw his grave.

He knows you know he's dead.

Feel all right?

Yeah.

-You sure?

-I'm just a little carsick, I guess.

I think you should let me out.

Maybe if I get a little fresh air,

my stomach will settle down.

Someone else will come along.

Oh, no, I can't let you out here.

In the middle of nowhere? All alone?

Could be hours

before someone came along...

and even if they did,

they might not pick you up.

No way I'm letting you out here.

Crack your window a little.

I know it doesn't smell so great in here.

Hung up one of those air fresheners,

but those things don't work worth a sh*t.

Of course...

some smells are harder to get rid of

than others.

Reminds me of that story...

about that kid that buys

a brand-new Cadillac for $750.

You heard that story?

I think everybody's heard that story.

Kid wants to buy a car.

Sees a brand-new Caddy sitting out

in front of this guy's house.

"For sale by owner. "

Kid knows he can't afford no Cadillac car.

Can't get within a shout of a Caddy...

but he's curious, you know?

How much does something like this go for?

Kid, this is your lucky day.

$750 and you can drive it away.

Yeah, right. That's about as funny

as a screen door in a submarine.

No joke, kid.

Pony up the cash and she's yours.

Hell, I'll even take a check.

You've got an honest face.

I heard it was a Thunderbird.

T-Bird, Caddy, same sh*t.

It's a story.

I may only be 17, but I'm no idiot.

Nobody sells a car like this for $750.

I don't want her anymore, son.

She smells.

You can't get a smell like that out.

I've tried everything you can think of,

and some you can't.

You see....

I was on a business trip.

Gone a couple, three weeks.

God!

She must have been dead

practically the whole time he'd been gone.

I don't know if it was a suicide

or a heart attack or what.

She's all bloated up...

and the car, it's filled with that smell...

and all he wanted to do was sell it.

That's some story.

Why wouldn't he just call home?

What?

He's gone for weeks on a business trip...

he doesn't call home

to see how his wife's doing?

That's sort of beside the point, ain't it?

I mean, what a bargain! That's the point.

Who wouldn't be tempted?

Probably drive the f***ing car

with the windows down, right?

It's a story. Fiction.

I thought of it

because of the smell in this car.

Which is a fact.

Check out this button. Thrill Village.

That's where I was today.

My girlfriend was gonna go,

but called and said she was sick.

You see, she gets these bad cramps

when she's O.T.R.

It's too bad...

but what's the alternative?

No rag at all? Then we'd both be in trouble.

So I went alone.

You ever been to Thrill Village?

Once.

When I was 12.

You didn't go alone, did you?

Not if you were 12, you didn't.

You didn't tell him that!

Not out loud! He's f***ing with you.

You gotta just open the door,

tuck your head under your arms and jump!

He'd only reach over and grab me

and pull me right back in with him.

Yeah, my dad took me.

Your dad?

Did you ride the Bullet?

I rode that f***er four times!

Did you ride the Bullet, Alan?

You told him your name was Hector!

Don't let him know you know.

-Yeah, I rode the Bullet.

-No.

You didn't ride the Bullet.

I mean, you got in line and everything...

but you were with your mom,

not your dad. Remember?

The line was long...

your mom didn't wanna wait

out there in the cold.

But you kept hassling her all day.

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