Rites of Passage (Part 1)

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( eerie orchestral music )

MAN:
B*tch was going

the wrong way on the 101.

MAN:
She's going the

wrong way on the 101.

She blew a 2.3!

Walked away without a scratch!

I'm gonna kill

that Chumash b*tch.

( rock music plays )

Whoo!

( laughs )

Yeah!

( student chatter )

GIRL:
Here come the

Delta Gamma Whore-pedoes.

Look at that skirt.

GUY:
They're so beautiful.

GIRL:
Seriously.

You brought your books today.

All right,

let's settle down, people.

We got a lot to go over

before the mid-term.

Okay, this is a Chumash

Indian shaman.

He believed he was

a shape shifter.

He would drink Jimsonweed tea,

which was made from

the root of this flower.

That sh*t's f***ed up.

Oh, it'll get you f***ed up.

Then they would

hallucinate.

The shaman believed he would

shape shift into a were-bear,

which is the great

California Grizzly.

( growls )

- Shh.

- All right, Dani?

What's going on?

You got a problem back there?

We're talking about

your heritage.

I'm only half Chumash.

My mom's British.

Look, what happened to your

people was tragic, okay?

It was criminal.

Those the Spanish didn't kill

would torture and disease.

They finished off

with guns and bigotry.

( soft moaning )

( unzips )

Mmm, Doug. Doug.

Doug, I gotta go.

- I have to.

- You sure?

No.

No-- no, I gotta go.

I have class.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, I have class.

Hey, my family is coming

in on Sunday.

I'm driving down.

We're gonna have lunch on State

Street, wanna come with us?

We'll have mimosas,

we'll get carded.

Uh, your parents?

Yeah, is that weird?

It's a little serious, Doug.

( loud knock )

Well, I'll call you later

and we'll figure it out.

Okay.

All right, go. Bye.

Hey, Nathan.

Come on in, man.

That was a great

paper you wrote.

Oh, you wanted to see me

about your assignment.

What's going on?

Yeah, um, well, my father,

see, he owns this property,

it's just south of campus.

Um--

Well, get to the point.

What's up?

It's a Chumash burial site.

The Anderson Rose Ranch?

- Yeah.

- That's your family?

- Mmm-hmm.

- Jesus.

They never let anyone

dig up there.

Yeah, well, um, so I was

thinking of recreating

a brush hut ceremony

this weekend.

You know, for the assignment?

I'd enjoy

participating in that.

Consider that approved.

( gulls calling )

( tribal chanting )

( loud creaking )

Grandmother Momoy,

I've come to beg

for your roots.

I promise to do you no harm.

I need to borrow your

magic for tonight.

( lighter clicks, closes )

Cooking up your funny

tea there, Benny?

I would appreciate it if you

would confine yourself

to the greenhouse I gave you.

And stay out of my business.

The quicksand effect

of depression.

A strategy for

a true freedom.

To hell with this

self help crap

and Amazon.com for taking my

money when I was confused.

( echoes )

Confused.

I'm the shaman.

I am the bear.

May Grandmother Momoy take me

to the far away place.

( party chatter )

( echoing voices chanting )

( laughter )

( echoing voices )

( bear howls )

( overlapping voices )

( tires screech )

Stop it!

Get away! Ugh!

Hello! Don't you see me here?

( echoing voices chanting )

Everything all right?

This guy is just

riding my ass.

What are you looking at?

- Do you even know that guy?

- No.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.

( pop music blaring )

Crazy how fast this

coverage came in, huh?

Yeah, it was gorgeous earlier.

You never told me what

it's like getting shot.

Knocks the wind out of you.

But hey, it got me discharged.

Otherwise I'd still

be over there.

All throughout history,

most cultures have

what they call

a rite of passage ceremony.

Turning boys into men.

I mean, you fought a war.

I guess mine is

shot gunning beers,

trying to get laid

and failing miserably at it.

Sometimes I just feel like

I'm always gonna be stuck,

you know?

Never knowing

what I'm made of.

Nathan what

I think you want...

It's not all it's

cracked up to be.

You want the gak or not?

You little, f***ing tease.

Are you f***ing for real?

You're f***ing trying to

set me up, you little--

Relax. Back the f***

away from the gate.

Where you going, Benny?

To see my fianc.

Fianc. You?

( buzzes )

Where is my Ritalin?

Mojo?

You're always in my purse.

Where's my Ritalin?

- What?

- Ritalin?

What're you on about?

I took two.

You must've taken the rest.

Really?

Come on, those things

aren't f***ing candy.

Try to just chill out, okay?

I have engineering mid-terms.

Big deal.

Discuss the elegy

in its various forms,

and the poet's place in society,

through a comparison

of Kahlil Gibran, Percy Shelley

or John Milton? You f***!

F***! F***! F***! F***!

Oh, f***. ( gasps )

I can't catch my breath.

( horns honking )

I can't-- No, I can't.

I can't breathe.

She's having a panic attack.

I'm suffocating!

Now let me go!

( horns honking )

I can't--

What do we do?

What do we do?

Get her Xanax.

Nathan, grab her Xanax.

Call an ambulance.

Can an--

I got it. I got it.

Please--

Breathe. It's okay.

It's okay.

Here, here, here.

- Has this happened before?

- Just relax.

There's nothing to see here!

You don't have to be

embarrassed, Dani.

It happens to a lot of people.

Listen, I've only be living with

you guys for a few weeks,

and you all treat me like

family, so.

Awww, you're welcome, baby.

( laughs )

Hey, Dani, about before.

Giving you a bit of space,

I had to do it.

Why don't I spark you up

a little smokey smoke?

Shut up, come on.

Let's get Dani wasted!

Let's race!

( voices echo )

( loud music, chatter )

( all cheering )

Whoa! Yeah!

Rock the vacuum cleaner!

( overlapping dialogue )

- Go, go, go, go!

- Take that sh*t!

Make that bong

your b*tch, boy!

Now, son!

Get it! Get it!

You wanna do this!

You wanna take it to the face!

- F***ing bomb of the gods!

- Hold it!

( all cheering )

( all cheer, music blaring )

It's not gonna hurt.

Watch. Watch this.

It's not gonna hurt, all right?

It's liked muted.

Ready for all my love, Moose?

Always and forever.

Hold up! Wait!

Nah, go ahead.

( laughter )

Penelope.

I've always wanted

to f*** a Penelope.

Oh, really?

We're getting naked, right?

A deal's a deal, right?

- Yeah.

- ( puking )

ALL:
Ooooh!

Buddy, god. Does anyone know how

to maintain their alcohol here?

I would rather see

my kids die today.

Some believing in god

than have grow up

under communism.

You're drooling, bro.

No, it's crazy to think

that a girl like that

would ever wanna miss

out on all this here.

Whoa, whoa. Don't discredit

these guns, man.

Come on.

Knock that sh*t off.

You gotta visualize it.

You gotta see it like

it's already happening.

( voice echoes )

( overlapping dialogue )

That was weak, though.

That was weak.

( laughter )

Somebody wants attention.

Dani's a hot mess.

( voices echo, bear growls )

Who the f*** is this creeper?

( both laugh )

Looks like Superman

discovering heat vision.

Dude! Well, turn your crazy

ass stare on somebody else.

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