Road to Bali

The Commonwealth of Austrailia.

Land of many frontiers.

Lone stepping stone across the

vast Pacific, to the mysterious

brooding islands of the of the Malasia.

Last outpost of the art and culture

of the western world.

Our story takes us to

Meldbourne.....

Melbourne. The birthplace of Nelly

Malmer, the famous soprano....

Austrailia's gift to the American

opera.

Appearing here, as a token of

appreciation, for Melbourne's

glorious gifts are...

...two distinguished concert artists,

steeped in the traditions of

American's classical music.

You ready for this?

There he goes. One of our best

pupils.

He had a tough time getting the

lead out of his feet, but there he

goes. I'll never forget. We were down in......

Don't bend the wardrobe.

Is this the bloke that popped the

question?

Both of them did.

- Eunice.

- Harold.....oh darling, this is the

happiest day of my life.

Then why spoil it with a wedding?

But darling, I want to marry you, or

Joe.

- Oh fine, I'll be best man. See ya!

-What!?

- Boy, have I got something cooked up for you.

- Yeah? Put it int he deep freeze.'

Did a similiar situation occur in

Allentown in 47?

- Thanks for the memory.

- Let's get out of here fast.

This'll drive them crazy, when it

doesn't come back.

Yeah, come on.

You come back here.

Poor man may not have his teeth in

today.

Gentlem, I told you. There are no

two actors travelling together on this train.

There's one of them.

Pilot to belly gunner, bailing out."

Wouldn't listen to me, would you?

Let's stow away on a boat to Frisco,

I said. No, no you said. Let's hop a rattler.

- You take the uppiest and I'll take the lower.

-You had a sub-lower. Besides,

look at the money I saved you on tip boy.

- Get plenty of fresh air you said.

- Not me, I said.

- Hide underneath you said.

-They'll never find you. I said.

- You're going to ride inside, keep

an eye out. - I said.

- You know what kills me?

You never listen to me. That's

what kills me. And where are we

now? We're lost!

- Come on, we've got some

travelling to do.

- On your feet elbow nose. Drop that beak.

The day I met you, there were

vultures in the sky. I should have

taken that for an omen.

They were blue birds. Now stop

worrying. I'll get you out of this.

Now look. Don't get me out of

things, stop getting me into things.

Will you?

Look Harold........

- I'll be darned.....French Poodles.

- No, they are sheep. We're saved.

I don't trust you, or the sheep.

Don't you see Harold? Wherever

there are sheep, there is a farm and

where there is a farm, there is a farmer and...

.....wherever there is a farmer , there

is a farmer's daughter.

- Now you're getting me into trouble again.

- Come on....

Walk, don't run.

You know? For a couple of guys on

the lamb, we're in pretty good company.

We're poor little lambs, who've lost

our way....

-That was helpful, wasn't it?

- Fred Murray must have played through here.

- Boy am I tired of that whiff and bluff song.

- Yeah, one more whif f and bluff....

We may be dirty, but we're healthy.

Everytime they dipped the sheep,

they dipped us.

Say....why don't we stick with them

when they get sheared too?

- I'm beginning to like it.

- What have we here?

Those are for argyle socks.

- Oh, let's get out of here.

- Here we go.

Ah, here we are.

Mighty attractive openings for fellas

who like work.

- This is for me.

- You can't cook.

- I can learn while you wash the dishes.

- No, no, no.....

I'll cook and you wash the dishes

and you can stack them behind

your ears to dry.

- Excuse me mates.

- You just come right in.

Scratch and scratch.

There goes the daily double.

What a pity. Just when I was going

to let you have your way.

Say, I haven't looked for work since

I was night watchman at Basser.

- Yeah, that was before we grew these.

- Yes, these electric razors.

There's nothing like them.

- Take a mowing machine to get

these hedges knocked off.

- Remember, we on the lamb, hiding.

-How long can you hold your breath?

- My breath? Well I.....you....

Prince Ken Irak.....back again eh?

You must help me. I need sea divers.

Not a flaming chance, and you

know it.

Four divers shipped out to your

island already and they've never

came back.

Fine men too, but they met with

accidents.

Accidents my eye. We all know

about Bogaten.

Bogaten is a legend.

Then why don't you get your own

people to dive?

If Bogaten is only a blooming

legend.

The people of Batu are

superstitious and still believe in witchcraft.

There ain't no witchcraft down there

mate.

Look here Prince. You couldn't get

any diver in Austrailia to take on your job.

Not for all the beer in Darwin.

Well Buster, looks like the deep sea

for us.

Hop along upstairs now to complete

the necessary arrangements.

Why me? Why don't you go up?

No elevator. Remember you are a

much younger man than I am.

Who isn't. Run along now.

- Excuse me sir?

- Yes?

- But are you a deep sea diver?

- Well, I'm just a graduate of UCUW.

That's Unversity of California Under

Water.

Ooooooh......an American. Then

perhaps you would be interested in

a job that would bring you rich rewards.

Yes, of course......

.........candidly rich rewards do remove a

good deal of dullness from mere work,

I guess that true. What's the pitch?

Sunken treasure.

Treasure. Well, I'll have it up for you

in a jiffy. I must tell you one thing though.

I don't do the actual diving myself.

I have a boy for that. I remain on

deck and I operate the pump.

- Oh, but excellent.

- Your hand.

Yes sir, I'll have that treasure up in

two shakes of a lamb's tail. Believe

me, I know how to shake a lamb's tail.

Oh, there is one little thing I must explain.

You see, I'm not actually the diver. I'm the

top man. I have a friend who does the diving.

Is your friend experienced?

He's been underwater half of his

life. He used to be a lifeguard in a carwash.

Where is this island of yours

Prince?

A few days journey, across the sea

on the road to Bali. You will love that too.

- It is an island paradise.

- Girls, huh?

- Could it be a paradise without girls?

- Welcome to the club.

Oh, I must cable mother to send my

other lips.

- Boy did I make a terrific deal.

-I knew you would. You little genius you.

- Congratulations.

- It's a deal boys.

Well, these threads are a little deep

for shoving off to paradise. We

ought to slip into our lines huh?

John will take care of your needs.

We will sail at sundown.

Sundown. Ah, that's perfect. I

freckle you know. Girls, paradise,

money......what a jackpot.

- And you did it all with your own

little....... - my own little head.

- Take our luggage will you?

- Here you are.

Now don't get these mixed up.

Mine is blue for boy.

Hey Sam. Is that the way all the

natives dress on your island?

Really?

- George, do you suppose?

- Not a chance.

Stick around folks....he could be

wrong you know!

- Cast off.

- Who?

Isn't it beautiful?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes