Road to Rio Page #7

$10,000 to leave Brazil.

Ten grand?

That's a big deal. We'll have to

have some time to think this over.

You'll have to give us time.

Well, time's up. Where's the money?

Oh, really. I don't have it with me now.

Come along. We'll arrange

the details at my home.

Let's talk this over.

Let's get the money and talk

and count at the same time.

Happy thoughts.

Jolly.

We usually charge 15,000 to leave

countries. You're getting quite a bargain.

Straight to the vault, James.

Psst!

You can skip

the java, Mrs. Vail.

Never mind the coffee,

just pour the sugar, huh?

You're very

suspicious young men.

It's not that.

It's just that we're grown up.

This might be a plot to get rid of

us. The coffee might be poisoned.

Yeah, who knows,

this could...

Have you got any tea?

Very well. I'll put

your minds at ease.

Which would you

rather have?

Ten thousand in cash? Or

this piece of jewelry?

Personally, I look better

in the green stuff.

Just a minute.

My turn.

I'm afraid you've made

a very poor choice, gentlemen.

You see, this locket happens

to be worth $50,000.

Fifty...

The stone is one of the largest

and purest of star sapphires.

It was mined in Rangipour Province

of India many generations ago.

Way down there?

If you look closely,

you can see the iridescent

star of the true sapphire.

Look closely.

Closely.

Yeah. Yeah, I can see it.

Can you see it, Mr. Sweeney?

Look deep into the stone.

Now, do you see the star?

Yeah, I can see it.

Good.

Keep looking into the star.

You won't be

needing this?

Many years ago,

two men killed each other

in a struggle for the

possession of this stone.

One of them was

the Duke Duchampere.

A good-looking young man, who bore

a resemblance to you, Mr. Sweeney.

In fact, you are

the Duke Duchampere.

I am the Duke Duchampere.

The other man was

a certain Count Venescue.

I am the count.

Generation after generation,

gentlemen,

your two families have

hated each other.

I hate your family.

I hate yours.

This hatred has descended to you,

the last decadent offspring

of these noble ancestors.

Swine.

Pig.

That's the same as swine.

All right. Ham!

You both desire this stone.

You would kill to get it.

There's only one way: a duel.

A duel.

A duel.

A duel to the death.

A duel.

A duel.

To the death.

To the death.

A duel.

To the death.

Come, gentlemen.

Your pistols,

gentlemen.

Loaded, I trust?

It's easy to find out.

Not yet!

Not sporting, huh?

My man is ready, Baron.

Good.

You gentlemen

know the rules.

When I say go, take 10

paces, turn and fire.

Take 10 paces, turn and fire.

Take 10 paces, turn and fire.

Let's get out of here.

Go!

Well, dog,

why do you wait?

Haven't we

forgotten something?

Ah, yes.

The final insult.

Ten paces, turn and fire.

Ten paces, turn and...

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

What is this?

A gun!

Oh, I remember.

That dame,

she hypnotized us.

Aha!

You've got a gun too! She

wanted us to kill each other.

Boy, what a narrow

escape, huh, pal?

Ten paces, turn and fire.

Oh, now, duke. Duke!

Scat! I mean...

Scat, snap out of it!

Wake up!

You don't want to kill me.

I'm your buddy, your friend!

It's no use,

Count Venescue.

But I'm not a count.

I'm not a count!

I'm just Hot Lips Barton,

a plain ordinary schmo!

I must avenge

the family honor.

What family? You haven't

even got a family!

You were left on a doorstep with

a bottle of milk, homogenized!

Ten paces, turn and fire.

Stop saying that, Scat!

You got to listen to me.

We're friends, we're

practically brothers!

Blood is thicker than water,

and this is no time to prove it!

Besides, I want to live.

I'm too young to die.

Too young, do you hear me?

Too young!

Let go, you swine.

That's the same as pig!

Eight...

No!

Nine...

No!

Ten paces!

No, no!

Walk some more!

You took short ones.

Turn...

Don't do it, pal!

Don't shoot!

You haven't got a license!

Besides, I'm out of season! Please, don't!

Hot Lips!

Hot Lips!

Oh, my pal.

My buddy!

And I killed him.

Oh, when I think of all the gay,

carefree, happy times we've had together...

Now he's gone. I wonder where

he kept his life insurance.

Oh, I'll remember you like this,

partner.

Lying there in that beautiful

double-breasted, brown pinstripe.

Hardly even been worn!

Well, you've got me to thank for this.

I've lied to you, I've

double-crossed you, I've conned you,

ever since the day we first met.

Remember that gal in St. Louis?

The one that broke a

date with you because she

had to go to the movies

with her grandmother?

Well... I was Granny.

We didn't see much

of the picture.

You remember the 20 bucks

that disappeared in Cincinnati?

You thought your money belt

had sprung a leak.

I stole that 20 bucks

and bought myself a duck press.

Hot Lips!

You're alive!

Say something.

Give me that 20 bucks.

Let me help you.

Don't help me anymore, Granny.

You've helped me enough!

How do you like that?

Not even my size!

You want to take it easy...

Lay off me,

you fat Benedict Arnold, you!

And another thing,

this deal about Lucia...

Wait a minute.

Lucia.

Yeah, what about her?

Don't you see?

The same thing that happened

to us happened to her.

That swinging

locket routine.

Deep, deep.

Stop it!

It makes me seasick.

That's the gimmick. That's how Mrs.

Vail gets her to do anything she wants.

That's why she's

marrying Mallory.

Poor kid.

Are we going to stand by

and let her throw her life away?

Are we going to take

the easy way out?

Yes, we are.

You're admitting

you're a dirty coward?

No, a clean one!

I've seen everything.

I've seen it all.

But never, never in a

lifetime of tears and laughter,

have I seen a guy walk out

on a gal who's nuts about him.

Well, you're seeing one

right now.

l...

You mean Lucia?

You mean she's nuts

about me?

She's dying to kiss

a trumpet player.

Oh, well, that figures.

It's nothing new to me. I've had

dolls blow their lid about me before.

Well, don't stand there. You

want to be best man, don't you? Come!

Always was.

Howdy.

We would like to speak to Senhorita

de Andrade. We're friends of hers.

Ah, for that, you will

have to go to Campinas.

She's being married this

afternoon to Senhor Mallory.

This afternoon?

A big wedding.

The whole countryside

will be there.

How about people?

Everybody will attend.

Good day, senhores.

Everybody will be there but us.

How far is Campinas?

About 300 miles.

Walk faster.

Brother, we're stymied.

Not if we can hire a plane.

Hire a plane? We haven't got

enough to get an airmail stamp!

We'll get dough.

Sure, there's nothing to it.

A guy's going to step out

from behind a tree and say,

" Here, boys. Here's

some dough. Hire a plane."

Psst! Gentlemen!

I wonder if this ever

happens in real life.

Mr. Sweeney,

Mr. Barton.

l...

Oops!

That's Eenie, Meenie and Mo.

My name is Rodrigues.

The fella in the radiogram.

I understand Lucia is

very fond of one of you.

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