Robinson Crusoe On Mars Page #2

- [Mona Screeching]

[Screeching]

[Air Hissing]

[Hissing Stops]

[Air Hissing]

[Hissing Stops]

[Air Hissing]

[Sighs]

Hi, baby.

Oh, yeah.

What have you got there? Huh?

Come here.

[Blowing]

That's it. Are you thirsty?

There you go.

There you go.

What's the matter?

You wouldn't drink last night either.

[Instrument Beeping]

[Beeping Continues]

## [Tone]

## [Tones Alternating]

[Beeping]

[Beeping Continues]

[Wind Howling]

Program "A." Descend.

Veer left!

Veer right!

[Beeping Continues]

[Wind Howling]

[Mona Squeaking]

[Draper On Recording] Mona the monkey

spends most of her days off somewhere.

Where she goes I have no idea.

Thank God she doesn't seem

to need or want water.

I've offered it to her every day.

I'm on strict rationing myself, and even then

I'll be out of water in a few days.

Well, I've now been

on Mars for two weeks.

I've tried on several occasions to talk down

the wreck of our space vehicle, the Elinor M.

I can't break it out of Mars's gravity grip.

It answers electronically,

but the jets don't fire.

No fuel left.

So there it is.

- ## [Whistling:
"Yankee Doodle Dandy"]

- A supermarket that flies through my sky...

and it might as well be

in East Overshoe.

You can say that again, brother.

## [Whistling Continues]

[Beeping]

[Wind Howling]

[Beeping Speeds Up]

[Spaceship Passes Overhead]

[Beeping Slows]

- [Mona Grumbles]

- What's your pleasure?

[Whining]

I think we'll make the early show.

Just keep your elbows off the table.

There you are.

Have some of that.

Are you hungry?

Good? You like that?

That's right.

[Laughing]

That's right.

All right. Once more.

Huh?

Don't eat too much. You know

we're on iron rations. Want some?

- Ouch!

- [Chirps]

You're almost human at that.

Bitin' the hand that feeds you.

[Man]

Instructional videotape number six.

Good old Woodward.

You used to be about as interesting

as a common brick.

Now, Professor,

I'm glad to have you aboard.

This second phase of survival,

finding water...

will deal with locating

water on another planet.

Since no one has landed

on another planet yet -

- Oh, is that so?

- We will have to proceed...

with hypothetical knowledge

from our studies here on Earth.

- I can give you a tip from here on Mars.

- Water is where you find it.

Like gold.

The thing is to know where to find it.

And you must make sure it's potable.

- Don't drink seawater.

- No seas here.

Seawater's too salty.

So's urine.

- [Squawks]

- Rain and snow...

become groundwater

and sink in under the ground.

- No rain. No snow.

- On some dry, desert planets...

it may be possible to crush rocks...

and extract latent water from them.

Good night, Professor.

Thanks for the heart-to-heart.

[Wind Whistling]

[Chattering]

No.

- [Chatters]

- No!

Mona, get away from that water can.

[Sipping]

[Sucking]

Mmm.

Ahhh.

[Squeaks Softly]

Well, I've found out one thing.

You're not like a camel.

You get thirsty too. Huh?

How about a nice, salty biscuit?

Would you like that?

No, that's - No. Too blah. Too blah.

Let's put a little turkey paste on it.

That's right.

Oh, and some salt. Yeah.

Some salt. There.

I'm not trying to be cruel,

you understand...

but you know something

very important to our survival.

Mona.

Mona.

Mona.

Aaah!

[Water Trickling]

Thank you, Mona.

[Splash]

[Chirps]

What are you eating?

Not bad.

Mmm.

Could use a little paprika.

Mmm. Not bad at all.

[Sand Pouring]

If you just had four words -

just four that you understood.

"Yes." "No."

"Come." "Go."

That's all.

Then we could talk to each other.

[Mona Chirps]

[Whimpering]

Four months and three days.

Not bad, eh, Mona?

Baby, this is manna from heaven.

You can eat it,

you weave it and you wear it.

Man's best friend, except for his monkey.

Let's spend a day at the beach.

[Water Trickling]

[Chittering]

Ahhh.

Ahhh. You know what

we're gonna do, baby?

We're gonna explore

this new world of ours.

Scientists tell us

there are canals up here.

Like to see those, huh?

And those green areas they spotted

from Earth. How about that?

Then there's the polar ice cap.

What's the matter?

No scientific curiosity?

[Sighs]

# How about a little music #

?? [Bagpipe]

## [Hums Tone]

- ## ["I Wish I Was In Dixie"]

- [Squawks]

## [Continues]

Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

How about that?

[Echoes]

How about that?

- Hey, Mona!

- [Echoes] Hey, Monal

Okay. Talk to me.

[Echoes]

Okay. Talk to me.

- Say something!

- [Echoes] Say something!

I mean say something back!

[Echoes]

I mean say something back!

[Mona Chattering Softly]

Mr. Echo, go to hell!

[Echoing]

Mr. Echo, go to hell!

Let's go all out tonight, Mona.

Poi sausage cooked for a change.

Maybe it'll taste better than it looks.

[Mona Chirps]

Mmm.

Ahhh.

- [Squawks]

- Tonight we eat.

Baby, you never ate

like this in the jungle.

Mmm. Get some of those

good sausages in there.

[Chatters]

[Mona Chirping]

Mona, I hope I haven't

given myself ptomaine.

It's eight months

to the nearest hospital.

- [Chatters]

- [Metal Clangs]

[Sand Pouring]

[Footsteps Approaching]

[Banging]

Who's there?

[Banging]

Who is it? Who's there?

Mac!

You've come to see me!

Well, come on in.

Oh, this is great!

Really great!

Oh, boy, have I got

a lot to tell you.

Listen, Mac, I have just been

aching for someone to talk to.

Buddy, you're gonna be

pretty proud of me.

Listen, Mac, I found

how to breathe here.

With rocks, Mac! Heated rocks!

Would you believe it?

Wait till the guys in Survival

hear that one, huh?

And I've got water and a place to live!

And heat to keep warm with, Mac.

Oh, and I've got food.

Martian food, Mac!

I'll bet I've almost done

as well as you have, you old pro.

Well, come on, Mac.

What about it?

Listen, aren't you even gonna talk to me?

Mac, what's bugging you?

For God's sake, say hello to me.

What are you sore about?

Oh, Mac, you can't act this way.

Mac, I haven't heard a human voice

in four months. Four, Mac.

I haven't heard your voice.

Mac, say anything to me, please!

For God's sake, talk to me! Say anything!

Oh, God, please!

Talk to me! Say anything!

- [Alarm Clanging]

- Please! God, say anything, Mac!

- By God -

- [Clanging Continues]

- [Mona Squawking]

- Mac?

- [Clanging Continues]

- [Mona Continues Squawking]

[Clanging Stops]

[Chittering]

All right, here's another note

for you boys in Survival...

for you geniuses in Human Factors.

A guy can lick the problems of heat,

water, shelter, food. I know. I've done it.

And here's the hairiest problem of all -

isolation, being alone.

Boy, here's where he'll crack.

Here's where he'll go under.

I know, I know. I had great training,

including two months in the isolation chamber.

But when I was in that chamber,

I knew I was coming out.

I knew I'd be with people again.

But up here on Mars...

you've gotta face the reality

of being alone forever.

?? ["I Wish I Was In Dixie"]

## [Continues]

[Mona Chittering]

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