Robot Chicken: Star Wars Page #2

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lightsaber has fewer calories.

I don't get it.

It's light.

Like it's light.

Like, light means that there's

not a lot of calories

and it's good... For your body.

That's how stupid

your mother is.

Yo mama is so stupid,

she went to Bangkok

to get a tie fighter.

And Luke wins!

What are you doing?

What are you doing?!

Put me down!

Come on.

What are they doing up

there all the time?

What's happened up there?

We had a slight

weapons malfunction,

but everything's perfectly

all right now.

We're all fine here now.

Thank you. How are you?

We're sending a squad up.

Negative.

We had a reactor leak here now.

Give us a minute.

Large leak, very dangerous.

There's no reactor

on that floor.

Yes, well... I talked

to Dave Johnson

in stormtrooper engineering,

and he said there

is a reactor here.

Dave Johnson?

Hang on one second.

Okay, I have Dave Johnson

on the line.

Dave, did you tell someone

there's a reactor in

prisoner control room?

No, there's no

reactor there.

I don't know what to tell you,

but I'm staring straight

at a reactor.

Maybe vader had it

installed yesterday.

Hang on a second.

What do you want?

Lord vader, did you install

a reactor in the prisoner

control room?

Um... Not that I know of.

Hang on one second.

Sheila, can you get me the plans

to the death star?

Okeydokey, the plans here --

Let me have a look.

Reactor, reactor, reactor.

No reactor that I can see, but

might as well put one in.

There's always room

for another reactor.

We'll send a team up to build

the new reactor.

No, not necessary.

We've got it under control.

Boring conversation anyway.

Okay, let's build this reactor.

Inform the emperor

that the jedi temple

has been sealed.

Yes, my lord.

Ani?

Ani! Little ani!

Jar jar, I am no

longer Anakin Skywalker.

These are some nice duds.

Look, jar jar, it is

very important...

That you never speak

to me again.

What'sa happen to you?

Yousa burn your face --

Aaaah!

Ani-Bo-bani!

What'sa happen to you?

Jar jar, homey, my

main man, quickly,

before the separatists attack,

get into the escape pod.

Hey, if this is

escape, then where the pod?

Yousa forgot the pod!

Whoo!

Ani, look!

Yousa not gonna believe it!

Meesa all sparkly glowy.

Now weesa gonna have all the

time to spend together.

I love you, ani!

Ani, yeah!

And toshi station is proud to

present the power converters!

Yeah!

Hey, Mr. solo.

Solo on the rocks.

You can't beat me,

I'm boba fett!

I'm the greatest

bounty hunter ever.

Yeah.

What's that, solo?

Blasters aren't fair?

Okay, dig it -- no blasters.

Didn't see that one coming,

did you?

So slow.

You thought I was over there,

but guess what.

Over here.

Yeah.

A little rope-a-dope?

Left-right-left-right!

Down goes solo.

What's that?

You want a face-to-face?

Let me just take

this bad boy off.

He's even better looking

without the helmet.

Surprise ending.

You want me to come closer?

You don't want

to fight anymore?

Your hands are up there

almost like you're begging --

Begging for a little

piece of boba.

Yeah, you like that, don't you?

You like it 'cause you're bad.

Yeah.

You dirty little smuggler.

Turn to the dark side

and join me.

I'll never join you!

You killed my father!

No, Luke,

I am your father.

That's not true.

That's impossible!

And princess Leia

is your sister.

That's not true!

That's... Improbable.

And the empire will be

defeated by ewoks.

That's...

Very unlikely.

And as a child,

I built c-3po.

And the force?

Well, that's just microscopic

bacteria in your bloodstream

called midi-chlorians.

Look, if you're not

gonna take this seriously,

I'm out.

As you can see,

my young apprentice,

your friends have --

Your friends have failed.

Now --

Now witness the firepower of --

Fully armed and operational --

Come on!

Hey, fellas!

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Hey, the force is strong

with this one?

What do you got there, a latte?

You ever have

the hazelnut macchiato?

Change your life.

Anywho... Tony, right?

Ray.

Ray, sorry.

I get mixed up.

Who's Tony?

Anyway, I hate to interrupt.

I know you're very busy.

Is there any way you could

finish this area, you know,

later?

I'm kind of in

the middle of something.

Look, Mr. saltine,

I don't tell you how to...

Threaten your blond kid,

so why don't you

go back over there to your

sit-and-spin

and let me do my job?

Okay, copy that.

Good talk.

They'll just be a little longer.

I'd tell them to stop, but,

you know...

No speak-o minimum wage-o.

So, where was I?

Right, right.

Now witness the firepower...

jabba the hutt's hottest

singer was blown to smithereens,

but his rock 'n' roll

will never die.

Presenting Max rebo's

greatest hits,

including "why do I look like an

elephant?"...

"Ooh, I have an average

memory"...

And his grammy award-winning

single,

"I already told you I'm not an

elephant"...

And his famous duet with

nsync's Joey fatone.

Neither of us is

an elephant

Max rebo's greatest hits,

the guy who looks like

a blue elephant.

Order now.

Ya ya ya!

Okay, everybody.

Welcome back to the show.

We have a surprise guest

tonight.

I really wasn't expecting this.

Emperor palpatine is here.

Silence!

Fear me!

So, tell me,

your highness,

how do you plan on putting down

this rebellion?

By shooting it

with lightning!

That's how I solve all my

problems.

And then afterwards,

I shall eat pudding.

Okay.

But seriously,

the rebels have already caused

major disruptions.

I'll show you a

major disruption...

A major disruption in

my adult undergarments.

Okay.

Can we get out of here?

Seriously, Francis, it's time

for my soap operas.

It's zuckuss.

Peace out,

fly-face!

Fear me!

Okay, that was fun.

Let's bring out our next guest,

the lord of the sith,

darth vader!

Hey, easy.

You could hurt somebody

with that.

Easy, boy. Easy, boy.

Okay, well,

that's our show tonight.

Stay tuned for

"late-night talk" with Sinbad.

That was so wrong.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to empire on ice!

The empire is chasing us

they simply will not cease

man, my nuts

are freezing, kid

I'm up out this b*tch

Peace!

I'm the wampa

I'm the snowman

and I don't take

any lip from no man

but --

I know you want me

bad, princess

you know you're

such a flirter

shut up,

you scruffy nerf-herder

Luke, he hasn't

checked in yet

it might be that he is done

his chances of

surviving here

are 10,000,005-to-1

You're so dumb

the empire's been alerted,

and here they come

empire on ice

empire on ice

here we are

the empire on ice

all those rebels will pay a

big price

vader's not nice

and the tauntaun gets sliced

and Chewbacca has lice

the empire on ice

empire on ice

empire on I-i-ice

Ani, yeah!

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