RocknRolla

People ask a question.

What's a RocknRolla?

And I tell them it's not about drums,

drugs and hospital drips.

Oh, no.

There's more there than that,

my friend.

We all like a bit of the good life.

Some, the money.

Some, the drugs.

Others the sex game,

the glamour or the fame.

But a RocknRolla,

oh, he's different.

Why?

Because a real RocknRolla

wants the f***ing lot.

My name's Archy,

formerly known as Archibald.

I work for a man called Lenny Cole.

And Lenny Cole has the keys

to the back door of this booming city.

Let me give you an example

of how Lenny works his magic.

Two years ago,

this property cost 1 million pounds.

Today, it costs 5 million.

How did this happen?

Attractive tax opportunities

for foreign investment...

...restrictive building consent

and massive hedge-fund bonuses.

London, my good man...

...is fast becoming the financial

and cultural capital of the world.

London is on the rise.

Property value has gone one way: up.

And this has left the natives struggling

to keep a foothold in the property ladder.

I can't teach you how to skin a cat...

...but I can tell you a lot

about the money in bricks and mortar.

Like he said, it's going one way.

You need to see a lawyer.

We do need to see a lawyer.

Well, it looks like a great deal.

These are the plans.

It'll cost 10,

and it'll be worth 20 with planning.

But, first, you gotta give

the Councillor a drink.

Same deal as before.

I'll tell them they've got the planning.

Thank you, Councillor.

You'll get the planning.

Take care of the Councillor,

and it'll move like sh*t through a goose.

We need help.

Lenny Cole.

Dog number one.

Bet he moves fast

and likes bricks and mortar.

I do move fast,

and I love bricks and mortar.

Property's always a safe bet...

...but you gotta know what you're doing,

this ain't soft money.

Because of these boys'

criminal records...

...the bank won't lend them

the money they need.

Enter Mr. Lenny Cole...

...London's money-loaning

and fast-moving property magician.

Don't let me down, boys.

Come on, give me your hand.

And this is where he waves

his black magic wand.

Can't talk now,

but there's been a problem.

I can't get you the planning.

Sorry, boys, can't get the planning.

Oh, isn't that an unpleasant surprise.

Because they don't wanna owe Lenny.

He can't get the planning.

That's right, sweetheart.

Can't get the planning?

You've been f***ed.

What do you mean

you can't get the f***ing planning?

You owe me.

Right, I get the building,

you lose your share...

...and I'm still out of pocket

two large ones.

Find it.

They know they'll have to pay Lenny

before the month is out.

Because Mr. Cole has ways of making life

very, very uncomfortable.

We better find it.

What they don't know

is that Lenny controls the councilors...

...the judges and the lawyers.

No planning permission will be given

until Lenny wants it.

And now that he owns the building,

he wants the permission.

Hello, Councillor?

Yeah.

Yeah, I hear you got that car

you wanted.

You're very generous, Len.

Right, now, sort that planning out,

will you?

- Sorted, Lenny.

- Good.

What's wrong with you, Archy?

Was that not a bit strong, Len?

They come from the same place as you.

You're gonna clean them out.

The same place as me?

Do I look like a f***ing immigrant?

No one gave me a leg up.

They need a little bit of fear,

otherwise, they'll come up against me.

They need a little lesson, don't they?

And that is an example

of how Lenny works.

Now, today is Lenny's big day.

He's hit the big time...

...because a new Russian billionaire

desires Lenny's property contacts.

He wants planning permission

where the law won't allow.

Lenny Cole is here.

Lenny will come through...

...but he will rape that Russian

for every ruble he can get.

Nice to see you, Uri.

Good. Come and take a seat.

Excuse me if I am hasty,

but I have a busy day.

- Oh, that's all right.

- Sit.

I can see we are very much alike,

you and I, Lenny.

We like to get things done.

What's it going to cost me?

First, let me make it clear exactly

how we can help you benefit from this deal.

Without me,

you'd be waiting five to 10 years...

...before you got permission

to erect your arena.

Secondly, with British law

as it so stands...

Lenny, how much?

Seven million euros.

I expect the guarantee that I have consent

within six months and no red tape.

Oh, you got it.

Consider it done.

- Drink?

- Yeah.

That's a nice painting, Uri.

It's got depth, you know.

That picture has brought me nothing

but luck, Lenny.

It's my lucky picture.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

You like?

Yeah.

Take it for a while.

Maybe it will give you luck.

Oh, no, Uri, I... You know, I couldn't.

We are partners now, I insist.

I will get it sent around to your house.

You can give it back to me

when our deal's finalized.

Hm?

Well, I thought you lot drank vodka.

Whiskey is the new vodka.

You're not joining me?

I don't drink.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

- You all right, Len?

- Yeah.

Because you're looking a bit pink.

Get us some water

and a wet wipe live-o, will you, Turbo?

Right away, Len.

He tried to poison me, the dirty Cossack.

Look, stop messing about,

just give me the bottle.

Sorry, Len.

How is the billionaires club?

Well, I tell you what, this Communism

didn't slow him down, did it?

I'll tell you what, Arch.

We've hit the big time here.

Well, what's wrong?

Where's the famous Archy smile?

You gotta watch yourself with this lot.

I mean, times are changing.

- They ain't no respecters of the old school.

- Oh, bollocks.

There's no school like the old school,

and I'm the f***ing headmaster.

That's why he come to me.

Got it?

Yeah, got it.

You think you should have lent him

your lucky picture?

It makes the peasant feel royal.

Don't spoil it,

we need him at the moment.

I want that consent.

Call the accountant

and get her to clear the money.

If Uri's gonna turn over seven large ones

to grease Lenny's contacts...

...he's gonna need it in cash.

And for that,

he needs his personal accountant.

Meet the very gifted

and the financially creative Stella.

You know why you get deals?

Because those sad, fat, old men like it

when you swear at them.

They shake like cocktails

and sweat like Semtex...

...when you raise that posh, little voice.

You, my love, are a rare commodity.

Now, come on, give your Bertie a smile.

I don't feel like smiling.

I'm a 30-year-old accountant

married to a homosexual lawyer.

I'm a beard without kids, Bertie.

For a marriage of convenience,

this can be quite inconvenient.

Stella, we need to talk.

Yes, she's right here.

It's Omovich.

You sure he isn't gay?

But what the Russian doesn't know...

...is that his accountant

has got bored of the safe life...

...and is looking for excitement

in all the wrong places.

Welcome to the Speeler.

This hot little house of crime is home

to a particularly nefarious group...

...of individuals known locally

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