RocknRolla Page #2

as the Wild Bunch.

There's no way you're gonna get a five,

understand, Bob?

- They've got nothing on you, son.

- What are you talking about?

Fred, they've got a grass.

They've got an informer.

Got a rat with a roach smoking a canary.

Got more information than the Internet.

All right, ladies.

Cookie, how you doing, son?

Cookie, do you want in?

I did promise the twins

I'd take them fishing, but f*** it.

- Throw us in for a quick spin.

- Hey, Mumbles, can I have a word?

No.

Mumbles, I'll make it worth your while.

Coming, dear.

But in the world of crime,

there's always coincidence.

And the very men she needs

to fuel her thrills...

...are the very men

that owe Lenny two large ones.

What's happening?

You know that lady, the posh pup?

The one that likes a bit of the rough life?

The little dangerous accountant.

You haven't heard from her in a little while.

- I know.

- Well?

Well, she's offered us

a bit of work, right?

But, I mean, like, proper work.

Now, normally, I would just turn her down,

but considering our current situation...

Let's have a meet.

I've got one just like that at home,

but with a little boy fishing.

Is that what they call humor

where you come from?

Is that what they call art

where you come from?

You are quite the entertainer,

Mr. One Two.

And you're also late.

Please, don't be late.

I've got some work,

thought you might be interested.

Go on.

There are two accountants taking out

And it won't be protected.

Twenty percent for me, as normal.

The details are in here.

Anything else?

Yeah.

I don't want this coming back to me,

so you could give them a black eye.

It might help.

Just a black eye, nothing more.

Very well, Mrs. Baxter.

A black eye it is, then.

Nice shoes, by the way.

Thank you.

You'll be able to afford a pair of your own

in a couple of days.

"Troubled rock star, Johnny Quid,

is missing, presumed dead yesterday...

...when he fell from the side of a yacht

thought to be owned...

...by a prominent high-street

fashion magnate. "

Sorry, I don't know what to say.

Yeah, well, I bet he took a few people

with him in his hot little crack pipe.

We will never mention this again,

all right, Arch?

Look, tell the Councillor

to stop f***ing about...

...with his little bat and balls

and send him inside.

Oh, that is sensational, Councillor.

Did you have lessons as a boy?

Fancy a cool down?

Bit of a chat with Lenny?

- You know Jackie?

- No.

No, Archy, please, don't say anything.

Don't you worry about her.

She's a very good friend of mine.

And a member.

Oi, Jackie.

You fancy a runaround

with the Councillor?

Only if he's wicked.

What does she mean by that?

What would you like her to mean by that,

Councillor?

Come on.

There we are, plans and papers.

When you're in bed with Len,

he likes to sweeten a cash deal.

Would you like a cigar?

I don't mind if I do.

He wants you sitting in the front row

with a new car sitting in your driveway.

Len's skill lies in his ability

to know where your back needs scratching.

That's a nice lighter.

Eight grand they wanted for it,

the greedy toads.

And I paid it.

You know why?

Tell me, Lenny.

It's all about the details.

Is our little deal in there too?

Look at Lenny.

F***ing playing with himself,

he's so proud.

He only paid a hundred pounds

for that lighter...

...he's making the Councillor sweat

like he stole it himself.

I wouldn't forget about that.

The important things first.

You got to hand it to Len,

because he ain't half a naughty bastard.

I'll leave that with you.

Now, the Councillor just needs a few hours

with a right rotten tart...

Can't stay here chewing the fat all day.

Man's got a living to make.

I'll phone you in tomorrow.

and he'll be in there like swimwear.

Take care of him, Jackie.

Lenny, you forgot your lighter.

No, it can't be mine.

It's got your name on it.

All right.

Nothing's gonna stop Lenny

from his big Russian deal.

Yeah, I knew he'd like the lighter.

It was a nice touch, wasn't it?

Yeah, she's a good girl, Jackie.

You give her another drink.

Yeah, you're right.

He wouldn't give me

his favorite painting, would he...

...if he didn't mean business?

Yeah, I've took it off the easel,

and I've put it on the wall.

Yeah, it looks mag...

Archy, I've been... F***.

Oh, f***.

Archy?

Archy, I've been robbed.

What?

Hello?

I said, I've been robbed.

Yeah... I don't know when.

It's the painting.

Yeah, it's the one that Uri gave me.

All right, loaned, for f***'s sake.

Archy, this is not good.

That's his favorite painting.

His lucky painting.

Yeah, all right.

Come around here and bring the troops.

Yeah.

Oh, f*** it,

this isn't what I want to hear.

When Lenny's wheels come off,

he's no good to anyone.

Now, he's gonna stick it

straight on my lap.

And Archy is gonna have to go to work.

Where was it, Len?

Well, let's just take a wild stab in the dark,

shall we, Bandy?

Archy, slap him, send him to school

because I can't take no more of this.

Now, you sort this out.

Get that painting back, bring me a body,

because I'm going to back to bed.

Bandy, you ever ask a stupid question

like that again, you see Danny there?

He's gonna slap you.

I'm sorry, Arch.

I was just trying to use initiative.

Danny, slap him.

With the right, Danny, properly.

No, no, no, come on, do it properly

with the back of the right hand.

- What is this, a tennis match, Arch?

Slap him.

Oh, for f***...

Like this.

Now, if you can master a slap like that...

...there's no need for your clients

to hold back.

They will open up

like a fountain full of words.

No need for strong violence, no, no.

They're transported

back to their childhood.

Putty in your hands.

Ask Bandy.

Look, thinks he's back at school.

But he never went to school, Arch.

You want a slap as well, Daniel, eh?

Now, if the slap don't work,

you cut them or you pay them...

...but keep your receipts

because this ain't the Mafia.

Now, get out there, look for the painting.

- Hello.

- Hi.

Bye.

If you just put the bags in the car,

close the door, walk away.

Ahem. Now, now, boys, do as you're told.

Put the bags in the car,

walk away and keep smiling.

Sorry, is this a robbery?

Yes, it is a robbery. Now, f*** off.

Thank you.

- Very good, Mr. One Two.

- Thank you very much, Mr. Mumbles.

Yeah, give me the keys.

Thanks.

Yeah, very funny.

Oi.

Where's reverse?

You have to lift up the knob

under the...

- Gear stick.

- Ah.

Oh, yeah. Now, f*** off.

I know an electrician

that could copy one of those for you.

Might take him

a couple of minutes, mind.

Welcome to the nouveau riche,

Mr. One Two.

Here's one for you too, Mrs. Baxter.

Mm, trs chic.

It's a little bit heavier

than it looks on a calculator, isn't it?

I see you didn't think

much of the black eye.

I would like to have obliged.

But from a professional point of view,

just didn't seem natural.

- Mm.

- Until the next time?

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