RocknRolla Page #6

- Do you f***ing mind?

- Of course I f***ing mind, Bob.

What happened last night, okay,

between you and I...

...that's our little secret, all right?

It happened because you're

supposed to be going to prison today.

If you tell anybody

about what happened last night, anybody...

- Oh, good evening, gentlemen.

Hi.

- F***...

- Help yourselves to drinks.

Okay, definitely, yeah.

- Go that way.

- She's nice.

Go that way.

Then I'm like, "Bertie, take a Quaalude,"

you know what I mean?

All right.

Drink?

- Dance?

- You're a dancer?

Am I a dancer?

Shall we set the record straight?

See, my dad was a dancer,

and his dad before him.

So finally, it percolated

through the old DNA.

You're not joining me?

Sure.

I like to dance.

No.

I'm Bertie. It's my party.

So you're part of the Wild Bunch?

Stella says you're dangerous.

I am dangerous.

Is your friend part of the Wild Bunch?

No.

He is the Wild Bunch.

- I know all about your type.

- Oh, yeah?

- How's that, then?

- I'm a criminal lawyer.

And I know a secret

about your part of town.

What's that, then, Bertie?

You have an informer

in your neck of the woods.

What's his name?

You have to pay for secrets.

Now, now, that's not very nice, is it?

What's your price?

And remember, I am dangerous.

I want to meet the Wild Bunch.

See that man sitting on the sofa?

Oh, the queen who's screwing me out.

- Yeah.

- It's a bit hard to miss him.

- Do me a favor.

- Go and chat him up, will you?

- F*** off, who do you think I am?

No, no, he's a bigtime lawyer

who reckons he knows about an informer...

...in our part of town.

Now, you were facing a five-stretch.

And I figured

you might be interested, ain't it?

Mm-hm.

- Hey.

- How you doing?

All right.

- So we got another job on again.

- Yeah?

Same one as before.

Cor, it's all going down in here.

It's the den of iniquity, I tell you.

I hear you have a secret.

And by the looks of you,

you have more than one.

I don't want to talk about work.

If you tell me who this informer is,

then we can talk about anything you want.

I gotta get myself a breath of fresh air.

Catch you...

Oi, One Two, I owe you one.

This lot are doing more bugle

than a brass section.

- I'm happy for you, Cookie.

- Yeah.

If he's an informer,

you'll have his depositions, poems.

My, my, not just a pretty face.

How'd you know

about those sort of things?

Give me your mobile.

- What?

- You heard me.

Do as you're told.

Ooh.

That's nice.

Here, we'll go for a drink next week,

and I'll tell you all about it.

All I need is some paperwork.

Wait up, sing-along.

Where's the rush?

All right.

- What's wrong?

- Get that Archy on the phone.

- I think we got a problem.

- What?

How much is it gonna cost

if we shut down tonight?

- Eleven thousand, three hundred...

- All right.

Go out there

and see what's going down.

You, what do you think

you're doing?

What do you think?

We're trying to get in.

Go home, wasters.

- It costs money to get in here.

- Yes, I'm aware of that, my good man.

Mr. Archy.

No, you can't shut us down.

We got an act on.

- And I'm interested?

- We got a band on-stage right now.

- Find him.

- I understand.

Listen, but I have to keep the club open.

You hear that sh*t?

Run along, junkies.

Oi, lookie but no touchy.

Get off of him, you slag.

He is absolute class.

I gotta keep the club open.

We got 400 people in here.

Leave it, John. I'm happy.

I'm all right down here, mate.

Let's call it a night, eh?

- I'll f***ing show him happy.

- Oh, no.

Fancy some more talent, boy?

I'd like to make a complaint.

What's your name?

Jog on, boy,

before I grind your bones to make my bread.

Night, night.

- F***ing mutt.

Look at this, man.

- It's a damn revolution going on outside.

- No sh*t.

If we wanna keep our license

and the lights on, we gotta go find Cookie.

We'll put rock salt in the shells,

stick them in the revolver.

If they get large, we'll bang a couple

into them, should slow them down.

And they won't know the difference.

And then Bob's our driver, and...

- I don't wanna use Bob.

- What?

- I don't want to use Bob.

- He's our driver.

The Wild Bunch is not complete

without the driver.

No.

What's happened

between you and Bob, then?

Mumbles, there is something about Bob

that I don't think you know.

What's that, then? That he's a poof?

- How the f*** did you know that?

- Come on, everyone knows he's a flamer.

You're the only one that doesn't.

No. He likes the boys.

It's sausage and beans

all day long, mate.

What the f*** are you talking about?

- Did he make a pass at you?

- Yes, he f***ing did.

So, what's the problem?

It was supposed to be his last night.

You took care of him.

That's what friends do for one another.

Well done.

And I won't tell the chaps.

What the f*** do you mean?

You won't tell the chaps what?

So, what did you do? Did you suck his...?

Hey, hey, that's enough, all right?

What the f*** is going on here?

What? Did you suck his...?

- You must have touched him.

- No.

Hold on.

I'm not gay, all right, Mumbles?

He just asked

if I wanted a dance, that's all.

Was it a slow dance?

What has he done to me?

Mr. One Two, I think there is something

you should know about our Bob.

Who do you think looked after your mom

before she died...

...when you was doing a two-stretch?

Because it wasn't me,

and I'm your best f***ing pal.

No, it was Bob.

Bob was around there six times a week

making sure she was looked after.

You tore your mom's heart out when you

went away. Bob did his best to put it back.

I tell you something, Mr. One Two.

If I could be half the human that Bob is

at the price of being a poof...

...I'd think about it.

Not for too long,

but I'd have to pause, you know?

And the kid looks up and goes,

"Well, what do you f***ing think?"

That joke was a lot funnier

when I told it to you last week.

Can I have a word with you, Cookie?

Treacles, would you mind?

On your toes. Five minutes.

Hey.

We need to know where Johnny Quid is.

You should probably be the first

to know, but isn't he...?

I know. Come on, you know

and I know that nothing killed Johnny.

Come on, Cookie, you've been f***ing

his life up for the past five years.

Come on, show our boy a little love.

You ever bought a ticket

to the junkies' boneyard, Roman?

It's an unpleasant place

called curl up and die.

Might sound like a hair salon...

...but it don't f***ing look like one,

I can tell you.

It's a terrible sight,

and a horrible sound listening to a man...

...sucking his soul

through the hole in the pipe.

And even worse

when he tries to tear it back.

I've been there, and I've done that.

He has been here, and he has done that.

And then I nailed that demon

in a smoke-proof coffin.

And I did it all with Johnny.

I love that man.

He's what you call class.

If you had any brains, Roman,

you'd love him too.

You know, his music sales have gone up

a thousand percent in two weeks.

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