Rogue Page #2

Tourists, occasionally.

That was in poor taste.

I'll bet.

Don't worry, ma'am.

We're perfectly safe on this boat.

They won't attack anything

bigger than they are.

- How big is this boat?

- Yeah.

- Big enough.

- Sure. Whatever.

Lighten up a little, will you?

Right. The bigger the better,

if you ask me.

Aren't you beautiful, hey?

Do you love me?

Do you love me?

Gimme a kiss. Gimme a kiss.

- Got a Wet One?

- Oh, yeah.

Jesus. Anyone complain

about the flies yet?

That was your one shot.

That wasn't a complaint.

That was a question.

- How long are you out here, anyway?

- Oh, just a few days.

Alice Springs after this, then home.

Where's that?

Chicago.

I'm a travel writer for a magazine.

Sounds like the life.

How about you? You travel a lot?

Never left the Territory.

You're kidding, right?

Why would I wanna leave all this?

It's amazing watching people's faces

the first time they come out here.

You might wanna...take your seat.

Gets a bit hairy around this bend.

Aye, aye, captain.

Sher, did you know this is

the oldest landscape in the world?

Absolutely ancient.

Dad, you can be so boring sometimes.

MAN AND One, two...

I got you.

Did you see that?!

No.

Yee-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

Oh, my gosh. They're stopping.

Oooh!

Keep your shirt on, c*nt-face.

- Katie.

- G'day, Neil.

Oi.

Bloody charming. There's ladies present.

Sorry, ladies.

Sorry about that, folks.

This shouldn't take a minute.

- Oooh!

- Mate, I'm at work.

Katie, we're just saying g'day

to the tourists, yeah?

- G'day, tourists.

- Tourists.

Yeah, you can take the photo, darlin'.

Oooh, please. Pop it out.

Hope you brought

your microscope!

Alright, you've acquainted yourself

with the tourists.

Now would you acquaint yourself

with the other end of the river?

Come on, mate. Let's just f*** off, eh?

No, hang on.

I just wanna know why

Miss Captain Katie Coo here

is acting so high and mighty these days.

What is it, Katie?

Why won't you have a bar of me, sweet?

Excuse me, son, the young lady

asked you politely to remove yourself.

We'd like to get on with our tour.

F*** me, it's John f***in' Wayne.

This is the tour, John.

Me and Col, we're the wildlife.

Hello.

- We're ducks!

- I'm gonna keep this simple for you.

I'm gonna count to three

and ask you to leave.

What the f*** are you gawking at,

four-eyes?

- One.

- I don't know.

I got the brochure but it didn't

say anything about a**holes.

- He's a poofter, mate.

- Two.

I'm not kidding, mate.

Bullshit, Katie.

F***!

- Oooh!

- Whoa!

Jeez...

Get out!

You right there, mate?

- Sorry about that, folks.

- Unbelievable.

As you can see, human pollution

is one of the greatest threats

to the environment out here.

Collin! Collin, you bloody idiot!

- Sorry, mate. I...

- What are you f***in' doing?!

Forget it, mate. It's over.

About 1 0 days. Yeah,

we got four weeks all up, so...

Nice. I'm seeing things

I don't think my friends would believe.

We got some on you inadvertently before.

Alright, we'll be heading home now.

Should take us about an hour or so.

I'll have you back in time to grab an

ice-cream on your way back to town.

- Oh, swell.

- Thank you all for a wonderful day.

Finishes now?

Um, special thanks

to John Wayne and to 'Four-Eyes'.

Top work, Four-Eyes.

I think they deserve a round of applause.

- Thanks, guys.

- Well done. Well done.

Up in this part of the world,

we call you 'top blokes'.

Don't know where I'd have been

without youse.

Please don't film me.

Honey, please don't.

Did you see that?

- No. What?

- I think I saw something.

Flare, I think. Up there. There.

Should we say something?

- Excuse me, miss.

- My husband just saw something.

I think it was a flare.

- Where'd you see it?

- Up there.

A flare?

Did anyone else see it? No?

- No. No.

- No.

- Wait. I got the tape.

- Yeah. Rewind it a little bit.

Yeah. It's right here.

Oh, Jesus! I saw it.

- Yeah!

- There's one. There's one!

- Did you see that flare?

- I saw it..

Base, this is 'The Suzanne'.

Are you there, Bill? Over.

Base, this is 'The Suzanne'.

Do you read me? Over.

I can't understand you.

I'm in Kingston Gorge and I'm getting

severe interference. Do you read me?

I think I just saw a flare.

So I'm gonna head upriver

and check it out.

'Suzanne', out.

Alright, we've just seen

what looks like a distress flare,

so we're gonna take a quick run upriver

and see if anyone's in trouble.

I realise this is a bit of an inconvenience,

but we do have to respond.

I got a bus to catch at 6:30.

Yeah, so do we. We're meeting family.

Who do you think it is?

Could be poachers.

They sometimes go into Arnhem Land.

It could be anyone.

It could be anyone,

and if it was you up there,

you'd want me to respond in exactly

the same way, so keep your seat, sir.

I'm sorry, but my wife and l,

we really...

- Allen, please. I'm fine.

- I'm not having you here all day.

How long do you think it'll take?

Can't be more

than a couple of miles upriver.

OK, you're alright. You're alright.

Listen, she's fine.

Are you OK?

Not really supposed to go through here.

This is sacred land.

Shouldn't really matter

if someone's in trouble, right?

She'll be right.

I reckon it came from

deeper in the swamp somewhere.

What do you think?

I think we've gone as far as we can.

Besides, there's nobody here.

It's gonna get dark soon.

We should probably go.

Probably right.

What?

Well, I suppose that's where

the flares came from.

This has really gone too far.

We must get back.

I can't have you out here any longer.

OK, we should...

What was that?

- Oh, sh*t, we're sinking.

- Oh, my God! We're sinking!

- There's a hole!

- What's happened?

Are we moving? Move it!

There! There!

Hold on! Hold on to your seats!

Just hold on to your seats.

We're almost there. Just hold on.

Let's get off. Get off, now!

Get off the boat. Hurry.

Get off the boat.

Alright, there's a radio

in one of these bags.

Should be in here somewhere.

Right.

Can you find it in there?

No, it's not in there.

It's underwater.

- Oh, sh*t!

- Is it working?

- What about the boat radio?

- It's wet but it should work.

Stay off the boat.

It's not working, mate.

It's underwater.

Can you take that up on the hill

and see if you can dry it out?

Just keep

switching channels, mate.

No bloody radio!

You've got us stuck on this

tiny little island with no bloody radio!

Great!

Kate?

Emergency. Hello.

Can anyone hear me? Over.

What's going on here?

We're gonna miss the bus.

We're late already.

- Are you alright?

- Yeah. I'm just...

- So we have no radio?

- I don't want to be here.

Take a deep breath.

- You'll be alright, OK? You know?

- Yeah.

Miss, we have no radio,

so what the hell happens now?

Well, how will anyone know

where we are?

I thought you said

crocs wouldn't attack a boat.

Alright, they're territorial animals, so...

..if we've stumbled into one's territory

it's possible it might've

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