Rumor Has It...

I was just off the 16th green in two,

and he was buried in the bunker.

Ginny's been working so hard

on the Junior League Charity Ball.

- How marvelous.

- You've got to help with the committee.

- Of course I will.

- You gonna be at the Goldwater rally?

You bet. I wouldn't miss it.

We went to Spain last summer, and

it's like an entirely different country.

You see what Jackie Kennedy

was wearing?

- Yes, I did.

- Wasn't it beautiful?

Okay, everyone,

Grab that special someone you love.

It all started on

New Year's Eve, 1962...

...in my hometown

of Pasadena, California...

...when this man and this woman

slept together.

He was 21, she was 42.

Six months later,

the affair ended...

...when the man

slept with someone else.

Not just anY someone else,

the woman's onlY daughter.

As if things needed

to get more complicated...

...three daYs later, the daughter

married a different guY.

No one was aware

of the bride's little fling.

No one, that is, except her mother.

That could have been the end

of the storY, but it wasn't.

The following spring,

a book was published.

The author was a classmate

of the Young man.

Not the groom, the other one.

You know, the one who slept

with mother and the daughter?

Names were changed...

...but that didn't stop all of Pasadena

from doing what it does best: Gossip.

And with the Lindus boy too.

Her best friend's son.

No, l... I heard it was Mary Beth...

...with that Bianchi boy.

But Mary Beth

doesn't have a daughter.

No, but she has a homosexual son.

Without any prime suspects, however,

interest in the scandal quickly faded.

Guess who showed up

stewed last week at the Hunt Club.

I don't feel the conservative

cause has been hurt. Twenty-five...

It was, after all, onlY a book.

Once again, this could have

been the end of the story.

But then, in 1967,

the movie came out.

For God's sake, Mrs. Robinson...

...here we are, You got me into

Your house, give me a drink...

...You put on music, now You start

opening up Your life to me...

...tell me Your husband

won't be home.

- So?

- Mrs. Robinson...

...You're trYing to seduce me.

Aren't You?

Well, no, I hadn't thought of it.

I feel very flattered...

And that's how the deepest, darkest

secret of one Pasadena family...

...became immortalized.

Ever since, people in town

have wondered...

...who is the real Benjamin Braddock

and who is the real Mrs. Robinson.

All this happened over 30 Years ago.

So, what does this

have to do with me?

To answer that,

You'd have to know who I was.

Which, in the winter of 1997...

...is something I myself

was struggling with.

Truth be known, I'd been struggling

with that mY whole life.

Sarah?

- Yoo-hoo, Sarah.

- Yeah?

- You okay?

- Yeah. I'm fine.

- You don't seem fine.

- Oh, no. I'm fine. I am.

Okay, fine.

- What was that?

- Turbulence.

That wasn't turbulence.

That felt mechanical.

- That was textbook turbulence.

- L... Okay.

You are not a pilot.

You do not know that.

Since when did you

become afraid of flying?

I'm not afraid of flying.

I love to fly.

It's crashing that I hate.

I hate crashing.

Baby, where...?

Where is your engagement ring?

That's... It's in my...

It's in my purse.

What's it doing in there?

Well, you know...

...how on planes your...

Your fingers get all swollen.

Oh, really? I never heard that.

Really? Yeah, they do.

They get swollen.

And fat.

But don't they sort of unswell

when you land?

Yes. They do.

- But I wasn't finished.

- Okay.

I was also thinking...

...this is Annie's wedding weekend,

you know?

I don't think we should announce our

engagement and steal her thunder.

- Why does it keep doing that?

- Because we're in an airplane.

- Oh, God.

- You really need to calm down, honey.

Wanna have sex in the bathroom?

I was thinking

more like a hot cup of tea.

- I'm serious.

- Baby, it's so cramped in there.

- They got harsh lighting...

- Come on. It's gonna be good.

Okay, just wait. Wait a little bit.

Come, knock three times.

This is gonna be great.

- Sarah.

- This is gonna be fun.

I said, knock three times.

- Want me to go out and do it again?

- No. No.

Hi.

Wait.

- I'm sorry, you're squishing my arm.

- Sorry.

- Sh*t.

- Let me just move over here, hold on.

My arm... Damn it.

- What? What?

- My shoe fell off. It's okay.

- I'll get it later.

- Okay.

You all right? Okay, let's...

Let's try again.

Wait, now your knee's in my...

Why don't you just turn.

Turn a little bit.

- Sorry.

- No.

Oh, no. No, no.

Is that better?

- Faucet.

- Okay.

Is that better?

- What?

- You're not into this.

- What? I'm into it.

- You are so not into this.

I'm into it.

- Okay.

- Okay.

God!

Whoa, Jesus.

- What, are you...?

- Okay, no, no, no. I'm being sucked.

- And not in a good way.

- God. Sorry.

Oh, God. I'm sorry.

It's not that bad. I just...

Did I get any of that blue water on me?

I've never even met the guy.

- What? What guy?

- Annie's fianc.

What kind of a maid of honor am I?

What kind of a big sister am I?

It's not like we have a mother who

helped her pick out her wedding dress.

And got her something old and

something new and something...

That blue thing.

I don't think Annie is expecting you

to take the place of your mother.

I don't know. I don't know.

Listen, I hate to say this...

...but you always get like this just before

you're going home to see your family.

I do?

I do.

Because I don't fit in with them.

I don't fit with anybody.

You fit with me.

Come here.

Come on.

You okay?

I can go tell the pilot

to turn the plane around.

So are we...?

Are we through here?

- Yeah.

- Okay, I got a plan.

- Okay.

- You leave...

...I'll wait here a few seconds,

maybe tidy up a little bit...

...then I'll slip out very discreetly...

...and pretend like I'm looking

for some more almonds.

- Okay.

- Okay?

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- You got it?

- Yes.

- Okay. All right.

- Hey, how you doing?

- I'm okay.

- I was just... You know.

- Yeah.

- Probably should go now.

- Yeah.

- I tell you about the tunnels?

- The tunnels?

There are tunnels

near Dodger Stadium.

Ever since we were little, we'd hold

our breath as we drove through them.

Now, my dad still thinks

that this is tremendous fun...

...and he will unquestionably

try to involve you in it.

- Yes.

- You don't have to...

...certainly not for me.

You know, I urge you not to, because

my dad drives like such an old lady...

...getting through the tunnel,

you'll pass out.

- Got it.

- Okay, now, tennis...

...always a safe subject, always safe.

Wine, good. You know,

any travel anecdotes...

...especially Europe, really good.

Don't bring up guns

or the death penalty...

...and whatever you do,

do not bring up Vietnam.

Why would I bring up Vietnam?

On the other hand, he loves

talking about the Civil War...

...Antietam and Shiloh.

Relax, it's gonna be fine.

I know. I'm saying,

in case you get stuck.

I'm not gonna get stuck.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes