Ruthless People Page #3

And pull those abdominals in. | Pull 'em in, suck 'em up.

If you're still on that couch | eating that doughnut,

put it down | and get up!

Three, four, | standing nice and tall.

Heels down and front. | Come on, reach.

Shh, shh, shh.

Come on, get those | pepperoni thighs nice and high.

And reach! | Do it a little higher. | Squeeze those buns.

Remember, if you don't, | no one else will.

[ Panting ]

- And don't forget to breathe. | - [ Gasping, Panting ]

What if he | doesn't show?

Oh, well then | you get to keep her.

Everything's | gonna work.

I'll call you.

Sandy, | he's gonna show!

It's his wife.

Phone Ringing

Where are you, Sam?

[ Ringing ]

You son of a b*tch!

I'm gonna turn | your transmitter on.

- He can't see the microphone? | - No, it looks fine.

Mr. Stone, | telephone.

- Hello? | - [ Kenny ] Mr. Stone, we had a meeting.

Hang on, will ya, Harry? | I have some friends here.

Call me on my office line, | 555-7583. Right?

Business associate.

555-7583. | 555-7583.

[ Ringing ]

Hello?

Mr. Stone, why have you | failed to appear at the | designated destination?

Ahem. I just | couldn't make it.

The cops are there, | aren't they?

That's right, the cops | are here, reporters too.

All right, Mr. Stone. | I'm a reasonable man.

I'm gonna give you | one more chance.

We will reschedule | our rendezvous for Wednesday.

- Do you understand? | - You're rescheduling?

Yes, I am.

- So, she's still alive? | - She's in perfect health.

Uh, in our | previous discussion,

you mentioned that | you would, uh...

kill my wife if procedure | wasn't followed accurately.

- That's correct. | - And that still goes?

-Definitely! | -Uh, what method would you use?

How would | you kill her?

A bullet through the head | at close range.

That would do it, | no question.

Um, well, | you've got me convinced.

- Until Wednesday. | - Until Wednesday, then.

Muffy,

you've taken your | last piss on my rug.

Tell Mr. Stone it's time | to leave for the ransom drop.

- I hope he's not-- | - Gunshots

- Oh, my God! | - Gunshots

[ Yelping ]

It just-- | It just went off.

"""Dance Champion"" Performed | By Kool And The Gang"

Honking

Coast to coast | via satellite

The greatest show | in town

Tonight we crown | the champion,yeah

So spread | the word around

Who's the best | passed the test

Who's got that look | in their eyes

Better give him | a call.

[ Phone Ringing ]

- Hello? | - This is Bender.

It's been over an hour | and he hasn't shown up.

If they haven't come by now, | I don't think they're gonna show.

Why don't you go on home? | We'll send an unmarked car | to follow you.

All right. | All right.

Give me all your money, Jack! | Come on, before I kill you.

Come on! | Come on!

- Here you go. | - Give me your wallet.

Come on, before I stick this | right through your back.

- All right, here you go. My wallet. | - Give me all your jewelry,

-your watch, rings, everything. | -Jewelry, watch.

You want my underwear too, | you piece of sh*t? Here.

You know, this town has got | some Neighborhood Watch!

I brought you | some more magazines.

More magazines? | How long do you plan on | keeping me down here?

Well, as soon as | Mr. Stone pays the ransom.

- It should be Monday. | - Good. I'd hate to miss | my doctor's appointment.

Doctor's appointment? | Why, do you need medication?

I get a | urine injection.

You get | urine injected?

- Why? | - It promotes weight loss.

- Does it work? | - Yeah, it works!

Lancome throat and | firming massage cream. | Sperm whale oil.

"Royal queen bee jelly."" | I can't get you these things. | We can't afford it."

That's not my problem, | it's yours.

Supply these things | and I will tell the jury | you acted humanely.

It might make the difference | between life...

and the chair!

[ Groaning ]

Or the gas chamber. | Ssss.

Gasping, | Choking

Sometimes, | if it's a firing squad,

they miss all | the major arteries.

Bang! | And you don't die right away.

You kinda just... | hang on, bleeding.

Bleeding.

[ Gasping ] | Bleeding...

[ Screaming ]

- Endlessly. | - Screaming, Crashing

Now, I want you to mail this | from across town.

I don't want him seeing | a postmark from my neighborhood.

Right. You're | good at this.

- We can't be too careful with Sam. | He's a very suspicious man. | - Yeah.

- I've got to see him one more time. | - You do?

If I don't see him | on his birthday, he'll be | very, very suspicious.

He'll be expecting | his usual present.

Sandy | It's been horrible.

No matter what I do | or as nice as I can be,

she just | tears into me.

- She hates me. | - Sandy, you're her kidnapper.

She's supposed | to hate you.

I'll take it.

- Okay. | -Just ignore her.

Heyaah!

- No dinner for you, then. | - Ah, gee whiz!

That really hurts. | I'm a real aficionado | of death-camp cuisine.

Look,

as long as you're here, | why don't you just pretend...

to be a guest.

[ Wolf Whistle ] | Nice butt.

- That's what they'll say. | - I beg your pardon?

Nice butt. That's what | they'll say on your first day...

in the men's club.

- Men's club? | - Mmm.

The San Quentin | country club.

With a cute little rear end | like that, you'll be | the belle of the ball.

Your dance card'll | be filled every day.

You'll be so popular,

making all kinds of | new, close friends.

Big, ugly | hairy friends!

Not that you'll ever see | what they look like,

'cause you'll be facing | the other way.

You're very good | at this.

You should write | children's books.

Yelping

- [ Growling ] | - Get outta here, you crotch wet.

Go on, get! | Goddamn you, dog!

Yes, your attack dogs,

do they just attack people, or can | you get them to attack little dogs?

Oh. Well, what if | you starve them for awhile?

Oh. All right, | thank you.

- [ Beeping ] | - Yeah?

- [ Secretary ] | Miss Farnsworth to see you. | - Send her in.

Happy birthday, Sam.

I brought you | your present.

Oh yeah? | Where is it?

Here it is, Sam. | Does it meet with your satisfaction?

- Mmm. | - Is there anything else you desire?

How 'bout | a big dog?

- Can you get one? | - A big dog?

Yeah, like a Great Dane or a mastiff. | How big does a shepherd get?

Sam, as sexually provocative | as I like to think I am--

I'm not askin' you | to screw the dog, Carol.

It's for me.

Rock

See, that's what I've got, | the Dominator X-1.

- It's the best speaker they carry. | - It's really pretty.

- Can I help you? | - Yeah, uh--

- Hi. | - Hi.

Candy's here to get a stereo, | and I'm here to see she | doesn't get ripped off.

Don't worry, | I'm not like the others.

How much did you | want to spend?

- $800. | - $500.

Okay, I think I have an idea | what to show you.

- Let's start with speakers. | - Okay.

Over here, we have a great speaker, | Sentry EV-1.

Consumer Stereo has | just rated this a best buy.

- I have a pair myself. | - Yeah, uh, what do you | think of this one?

The Dominator X-1?

The Dominator's a good | marketing idea,

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