S.O.S. Titanic Page #2

Where do you come from?

Comber, County Down,

but I live in Belfast now.

- So do I.

- Do you? Where?

Kerslan Road, Strandtown.

Yes. My wife and I used to stroll

in Victoria Park when we were courting.

- Do you have any children?

- One. A little girl, Elizabeth.

She cried when we said goodbye.

If you ever want to talk about home,

just come along to the linen room.

We could give you a cup of tea.

Thank you, I'd like that.

- Good evening.

- Good evening.

She dines late.

Well, she's a countess.

When you're a countess

you dine when you like.

I'm sorry, darling.

- Countess of what, Maggie?

- Rothes.

Thank you, Cyril.

Don't call me Maggie.

I find her fascinating. She looks

just the way I've always wanted to.

Worldly and mysterious.

I wouldn't change you for any countess.

Talk about mysterious...

take a squint down there in the corner.

What is that gay dog Ben Guggenheim

doing at a table all by himself for two?

Well, the story...

The story is he finally broke it off

with her nibs, the Marquise de Cerruti,

and now he's on his way home

to his kids

for the first time

in seven or eight months.

- What's wrong?

- Oh, nothing.

He's such an attractive man.

He can leave his patent leathers

outside my door any night.

- Maggie!

- Molly, darn it, Emma!

Scandalous.

This conversation's a little spicy

for me, ladies, if you'll excuse me.

I'm going to the smoke room

to have a very, very mild cigar.

Well, now we can

let our hair down.

Did I really bother JJ

with my nonsense?

No, you're good for him.

You make him laugh.

- He's suffered so much on my account.

- Oh, no.

No, it's true.

That's why I frowned

when you mentioned Mr Guggenheim.

John still hasn't got over the insults

after his divorce.

And worse after we were married.

Because he loved me he thought

his friends would accept me.

His friends do.

As for the others, to hell with them.

He can't say that.

It's desperately important to him.

- It's his life.

- Cheer up.

Everything will look much better

after the baby's born.

You've got so much happiness

in store for you.

Jimmy! Jimmy!

- Thanks very much.

- Your health, Jimmy.

- Slainte.

- Up the Irish.

This is fierce. No different

to what it was back home.

I know, girls on one side, boys on the

other and never the twain shall meet.

We're all the time having dances

and we don't know how to dance.

I don't and I'm jiggered

if I'll apologise for it.

Damn silly business in my view.

I can dance.

Can you, Martin?

I can so,

only I haven't seen the girl yet.

- What girl is that?

- The girl I'll be after dancing with.

Good luck, old son.

It looks a pretty narrow field

from here.

Sit down, you eejit.

Hold that, will you?

Don't be doing that.

Stop it, do you hear?

Hello?

Hello?

We will be closing in five minutes'

time, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you.

Turn off your light, Mr Moon Man

Go and hide your face behind a cloud

Can't you see that couples

want to spoon, man?

Two is company and three's a crowd

I'll take my lady to a shady place

where I can hug my lady

And we'll say to you, moonlight...

Oh-oh!

Oh, Emma, to be 17 again!

Or even 39.

I don't think there's a worse place

to be on your own

than a big romantic ship like this,

unless it's Niagara Falls.

You just know

there's so much love going on.

You lie there in the dark

and watch the shadows moving past that

crack of light under your cabin door.

Footsteps coming close,

footsteps going away.

A soft knock on a door

and a soft voice answers.

A door closes.

You wonder if you're the only one

sleeping one to a bed tonight.

- Maggie, you shock me.

- I'll brain you if you don't stop.

- Sit up straight.

- Was I slouching?

- No, you're blocking my view.

- View of what?

There's a bozo sitting behind...

Don't look now, he's glancing this way.

Like he's getting up courage to ask me

if my programme's full up

for the evening.

Not exactly love's young dream,

but he wouldn't turn your stomach.

- Maggie.

- Molly!

Molly... you surely wouldn't dance

with a perfect stranger.

Certainly not. Emma Bucknell,

what in the world are you thinking of?

Ol!

"Saw another ice field and two icebergs

latitude 45' 20", longitude 49'."

Jack?

Jack, are you awake?

This has got to go

straight up to the bridge.

What do you find to read

in that rather primitive library?

I beg your pardon?

They only have what the library steward

calls "light ship-board reading".

"Stover At Yale", "Hopalong Cassidy".

I wondered

how you found anything so engrossing.

I'm just catching up

with Fischer's work on proteins.

- Rather dull stuff, I'm afraid.

- You're a scientist?

Nothing so colourful. I teach.

I'm a science master at Dulwich College.

Not college in the American sense.

It's a boys' school.

What a coincidence.

I'm a teacher too.

At a girls' school in the States.

That is a coincidence.

Yes.

I'm rather bored with this.

Would you care for a stroll?

That would be nice.

I'm on my way...

Please go on...

You first.

I was going to say I'm on my way

to the States for my first visit.

Leave of absence.

I made a tour of India with teachers

from all over the world.

Now I'm on my way home.

I'm on leave too.

Another coincidence.

This is a funny place to be, isn't it?

- We're the middle.

- The middle?

The middle class.

Haven't you noticed?

This ship is a microcosm

of the British social system.

A maze of barriers erected

to keep them from getting here

and to keep us from getting there.

But it's not social,

it's purely economic.

Any rich upstart can get

his pick of accommodation up there

and any nobleman short of funds might

find himself travelling down there.

So in a sense the thing is constructed

on the American principle

of equal opportunity

based on the ability to pay.

I don't see any dukes or earls

milling about. Do you?

- Well, not wearing a coronet.

Look at that chap there.

- I've evolved a theory about him.

- Go on.

Well, he's been a failure

in one way or other at home

and his family has packed him off

with the proverbial shilling

and a one-way-ticket to America.

- How romantic you are.

- Am I?

I think so.

Making up stories about people.

You could ask a deck steward.

They know everybody's business.

I couldn't do that.

Anyway, it helps pass the time.

One has to do something.

- I believe I'm parboiled.

- Ten minutes more, dear. Be brave.

Mrs Brown, your time is up, lovey.

- Maude, you got an aspirin out there?

- We'll see. Now, come along.

Agh! I'm gonna take

another half-hour, hon.

- Whatever for?

- For my sins.

Every time we've been in here,

those four have been in the same place.

I believe this ship could tip over

or run aground

and not one of them would look up.

Play cards.

Cognac, please.

- Can I buy you a drink, Guggenheim?

- Why not?

Two .

Here.

Try one of these.

Something special from Havana.

What a relief.

I seldom know these days exactly who

is still speaking to me and who isn't.

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