Sabotage Page #2

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in the middle of it all.

Later when I challenged him,

he said he hadn't been out at all.

- His wife confirmed it.

- Naturally.

She would if she's in it.

You better find some way of talking to her.

Now, listen, Spencer,

the Home Office have been on

and they're scared something worse

than tonight's job may happen.

What's the idea, sir?

What's the point of all this wrecking?

Making trouble at home to

take our minds off what's going on abroad.

Same as in a crowd.

One man treads on your toe.

While you're arguing with him

his pal picks your pocket.

- Who's behind it?

- They're the people

that you and I'll never catch.

It's the men they employ that we're after.

Don't you know that's very dangerous?

- What?

- Leaving stuff like that lying about.

Supposing you or me were to

break our leg on that

you'd be pleased with yourself, I suppose.

That would depend

whether it was your leg or mine.

Can't tempt you, I suppose? Oranges,

very nice today. Good for the feet.

Hello, guv, going to the pictures?

As a matter of fact,

I'm off to a trade show.

Well, pick us a good one then,

you know, with plenty of murders.

This love stuff makes me sick.

The women like it, though.

He's just going.

Then tell him not to come back too late

'cause we're going out.

Don't come back too late

'cause you're both going out.

I'll be back as soon as I can.

(WHISTLING)

Penny each, pineapples.

Pineapples, penny each.

Penny each, pineapples.

Pineapples, penny each.

Penny each, pineapples.

Pineapples, penny each.

What's them bubbles, Dad?

Has the fish got hiccups?

You'd have hiccups

if you had to live on ants' eggs.

MAN:
They're funny-Iooking things.

MR. VERLOC:
Yes.

They're funny-Iooking things.

MAN:
It'll take three like that to make soup

for the Lord Mayor's banquet

next Saturday.

MR. VERLOC:
Think of that.

They say it's digestible.

Hmm.

There's a thing with a mustache.

MR. VERLOC:
I hope you're satisfied

with last night's show.

Wasn't as easy as it looked.

I had to spend money, too.

MAN:
No doubt.

MR. VERLOC:
A neat job, though.

The sort of thing to make people sit up.

I think you'll agree I've earned my money.

I hope you didn't mind my asking for it

in pound notes.

MAN:
You made London laugh.

When one sets out

to put the fear of death into people,

it's not helpful to make them laugh.

We're not comedians.

It's not my fault if they're such fools.

Londoners are not fools.

They laughed because they realized

what happened last night was laughable.

They did right to laugh. This time.

What do you mean?

Mr. Verloc, you will be paid your money

when you've earned it.

I don't follow.

My dear Verloc,

I once read a sign in Piccadilly Circus

calling it the center of the world.

I think you'd better pay a visit there

in a couple of days' time,

and leave a small parcel in the cloakroom

at the underground station.

What sort of a parcel?

I don't know.

MAN:
Let's say a parcel of fireworks.

MR. VERLOC:
I couldn't do it.

I'm not going to be connected

with anything that means loss of life.

You'll have to get somebody else.

I won't touch it.

MAN:
Very well then, Mr. Verloc.

- Lf you think you're so well-off that...

- MR. VERLOC:
You know I'm not.

You know my position.

MAN:
All right, then.

You'll be paid your money when...

In any case, if you're so fussy

about doing it yourself,

surely you have some kind friends

who'd help you?

Now don't be so silly.

Go and see this man.

He's a very nice old gentleman

and he makes lovely fireworks.

I'll try and see him.

And don't forget the date.

Saturday next. Lord Mayor's show day.

Lots of people.

You want me to come and report?

Thanks, no.

If your report itself is loud enough,

it won't be necessary.

Which is the way out, please?

Thank you.

This bivalve's rate of fertility

is extremely high.

After laying a million eggs,

the female oyster changes her sex.

I don't blame her.

- Excuse me, can I help you?

- Oh, thank you.

Its feet are cold.

Isn't it fat?

You'd be fat, too, if you were fed

corn and bits of bread all day long.

- Why, if it isn't Stevie and Mrs. Verloc.

- It's Ted, look. Ted.

Yes, it always is.

Fat, isn't it? Ought to eat more fruit.

You and your fruit. That's our lunch today.

Is that all? How about a nice juicy steak

with me? What about it?

- I'm all for it.

- Stevie!

- Good. Where shall we go?

- I'd like to go to Simpsons.

A boy I know,

his uncle took him there once.

Don't be silly, Stevie, we're going

to the corner house to a teashop.

Don't be too hard, Mrs. V,

let's make it Simpsons.

Come on.

- Have you ever been here before?

- No, never.

Stevie, look what you're doing.

You're pulling the tablecloth.

I saw a picture once where a chap

snatched the tablecloth off the table

and left everything standing on it.

- You ought to try that at home one day.

- He did.

All this is very expensive, isn't it?

Yes, it looks like it, doesn't it?

I've got a pound note if you want it.

It's all right.

Now, Steve, setting aside the steak

for a moment, we have here before us

oysters, caviar, smoked salmon,

- fried, grilled or boiled sole.

- I'll have a...

Roast saddle of mutton, Kentish

Chicken Pudding, boiled silverside,

roast sirloin, chopped steaks,

grilled kidneys or roast duck.

MRS. VERLOC:
I think Stevie'd like

a nice poached egg on toast

and I'll have a mixed salad.

Here, drink this.

Poached egg here at Simpsons?

Why, that's enough to make the roast beef

turn in its gravy.

Three bullocks roasted whole,

and a cup of coffee.

WAITER:
Sirloin at Number 8.

When did you come over from America?

About a year ago.

Business wasn't too good over there.

That's funny.

People used to go to the States because

business wasn't too good over here.

- How are things here now, not too good?

- Not terribly.

I hadn't noticed you turning people away.

It's hard to make a one-man business

pay these days,

unless you run a sideline.

Has Mr. Verloc a sideline?

No, but we're quite satisfied

with things as they are.

Just one happy little family.

Just one happy little family.

Mr. Verloc's very kind to Stevie.

And that means a lot to Stevie's sister.

It means everything.

- Now here we are.

- Good morning, sir.

No fat for you, as usual?

You see, I don't forget.

I haven't seen you for a long time.

Do I look as though I don't like fat?

- What's the big idea?

- What idea?

First, pretending

never to have been here before.

Second, affording to come here

on your salary.

That's what everyone would like to know.

There's a mystery about me.

Come to think of it,

there's a mystery about most people.

- Haven't you got some terrible secret?

- Never mind about that.

What goes on after hours

in that cinema of yours?

Deeds of darkness.

Does your husband

go on mysterious journeys?

He does, wearing false whiskers.

Aha! That means there's another woman

in his life.

(GIGGLING)

- What's the joke?

- Lf you only knew him.

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