Sabotage Page #5

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About those men that were here

the other night, when I dropped in myself.

I've been instructed

to get a little information about them.

We'd be very grateful if you'd help us.

Well, any help I can give him, of course.

About yourself, Mr. Verloc.

When did you first come to this country?

- Can I get you a drink or something?

- Not now, thanks.

Well, I've got to think now. Let's see.

Perhaps it would be better if you

put it down on paper. Just a formality.

Could you find a pen and ink?

We can start right away, you know.

"I, Carl Anton Verloc..."

MAN 1:
Now, ladies and gentlemen,

I want to ask you a question.

- What is it causes teeth to fall out?

- MAN 2:
Why, a punch on the jaw.

(ALL LAUGHING)

MAN 1:
The process of decay,

inevitable in all human organisms,

but decay can be arrested,

instantaneously arrested, and by what?

MAN 3:
A copper.

MAN 1:
Yes, exactly.

But if I may say so, by rather more

than one copper, by a few coppers.

I have here in my hand

a tube of that

remarkable preparation, Salvodon,

derived from two Greek words,

salvonomor and dontoupe.

Sixpence for four tubes

and a shilling for the large tube

containing four times as much.

Now let me give you just a little

demonstration. Now, if somebody...

I see here a young gentleman

who I'm sure would be happy to assist me.

- No, I wouldn't.

- ALL:
Yes, you would.

Come on, bung him up.

- In the chair, sir, if you don't mind.

- But I...

- Allow me to relieve you of the toffee.

- It isn't toffee. I have...

All right. Stay where you are.

Don't get excited.

Now then, here we are.

The first thing to do

is to take the tube in the left hand

and remove the cap. Like so.

Then we pick up the toothbrush

and we squeeze some of the Salvodon

along the bristles. Like so.

Then, I want you to observe,

ladies and gentlemen

that the young gentleman's teeth

are very dirty.

- They're not.

- Yes, they are.

Now, come on. Open your mouth.

That's a good boy.

We now proceed to use the brush.

Now with the ordinary

commercial dentifrices, what happens?

It is either too gritty

and takes all the enamel off,

or it ain't, and it don't take nothing off.

But with Salvodon,

that's the happy medium.

Neither too strong nor too weak.

It performs the functions

that nature forgot.

It cleanses the teeth, refreshes the mouth,

and removes all traces of halitosis.

Hali what?

- Bad breath to you, sir.

- Same to you.

Thank you, I don't need it.

Relax, sonny.

Don't be afraid. There you are.

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

you'll observe that I have unfortunately

disarranged the young gentleman's hair,

but that is easily attended to.

Now I have here a bottle of Loswell.

A shilling for that size.

But I have a large size, four times the size,

which is only 18 pence.

I will now give you a demonstration

of how it's used.

You put it on the hair like that, you see.

It's a remarkable stuff.

(ALL LAUGHING)

It is guaranteed to give the appearance

of patent leather to the human thatch.

You are now groomed for stardom,

as they say.

Go on, buzz off, you little basket. Go on.

What do you want? Go on, hop it.

(MAN CHATTERING)

Where you going?

Go on, back to your place. Go on.

Come on, son. Get right back.

MAN:
Here they come.

(BAND PLAYING MARCH)

(CROWD CHEERING)

Pushing and shoving.

What do you think you're doing?

I say, do you think

we'll get to Piccadilly Circus by 1:30?

Yes, 1:
30 in the morning.

Have you got to meet a young lady there?

You can't bring those on a public vehicle.

- They're films, ain't they?

- Yes.

Then they're flammable.

Go on. Hop off, big boy.

But I've got to get to Piccadilly.

Can't I leave them

on the platform or somewhere?

It's Bartholomew the Strangler.

Oh, well, as it's you, Bartholomew

old fellow, you can stay

as long as you promise not to

set about me or the passengers.

Thank you.

(LAUGHING)

Well, now everything seems to be all right.

- Will you have your drink after all?

- No, thanks.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Come in.

Oh, excuse me.

Will you ring up Whitehall 1212?

TED:
May I use your phone?

Put me through

to Superintendent Talbot please.

Spencer here, sir.

A whole busload of people

have been blown up in the West End.

How awful.

- What time?

- Why do you ask?

Well, after all, I can't be in two places

at the same time, can I?

I suppose not.

I may be back later on.

- Caught onto anything?

- I'm not sure.

Well, make up your mind.

What is it anyway?

(MUTTERING)

Bartholomew something.

That's a film tin, isn't it?

I thought you said

Verloc hadn't been out since morning.

He hadn't.

Well, you'd best go back there

and see if that's one of their films.

- Do you want me, sir?

- Yes, yes.

You better join Hollingshead

at the bird shop.

- Yes, sir.

- Don't go inside. Just keep your eyes open.

- Right-o, sir.

- All right, Spencer.

Is that anything to do with it,

Mr. Spencer?

"Bartholomew the Strangler."

That's a film tin, isn't it?

No. Sardines.

NEWSBOY:
Big bomb sensation!

Late extra news, big bomb sensation!

He's all right. He can take care of himself.

You've got nothing to worry about.

Late extra news, big bomb sensation!

Big bomb sensation!

Give me a penny.

NEWSBOY:
Late extra news.

Big bomb sensation.

Late extra news. Late extra news.

Big bomb sensation.

Late extra news. Late extra news.

Big bomb sensation.

(CROWD EX CLAIMING)

MAN:
Look, the lady's fainted.

(CROWD CHATTERING)

I want Mr. Verloc.

I want to see Mr. Verloc.

I didn't mean any harm

to come to the boy.

Come on. We've got to think of tomorrow.

You'll need all your wits about you

if they get onto me.

You might answer a fellow.

Do be reasonable.

What would it have been if you'd lost me?

That swine in the aquarium.

Silly, jeering, dangerous brute,

with no more sense than...

You didn't know. Quite right, too.

I'm not the chap to worry a woman

that's fond of me.

You had no business to know.

You'll have to pull yourself together,

my girl.

What's done can't be undone.

You go to bed now.

What you want is a good cry.

I know how you feel.

Do you think it doesn't touch me?

Do you think I fixed it

so that he'd be killed?

No. But I tell you who did.

Your Scotland Yard friend

from next door, Ted. Blame him.

I'd have carried the thing myself,

but he was hanging around

watching, spying. I couldn't get away.

Listen, it's done now.

And there's the future. Perhaps...

I don't know.

Perhaps if we had a kid of our own...

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

(WHISTLING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(CHA TTERING)

(CROONING)

(GROANS)

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

MAN... (SINGING) Who killed Cock Robin?

CHORUS... Who killed Cock Robin?

Everything is dished up.

Young Stevie ain't in, but I've laid for him.

I'll be getting along now.

MAN... (SINGING) Who, who, who, who

Who killed Cock Robin?

Who killed Cock Robin?

CHORUS... Who killed Cock Robin?

Who got him with the shot?

And put him on the spot?

Who killed Cock Robin?

Pulled yourself together a bit.

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