Sacrilege

Oh my God.

Do you think we could

avoid responsibility

somewhere besides a junk yard sale?

Yes.

We could drop out, have

the pizza delivered to Samantha,

and we could keep driving

until we find paradise.

I don't need paradise, okay.

I studied.

Studying.

You always take the easy way out.

Hmm, I'm sorry if I passed on

the 15 hour cramming session

followed by whatever pact with

the devil you plan to make

to get a C or D.

Okay, mister,

Cs and Ds will grant this girl...

- a degree.

- Uh-huh.

So, what's it going to be?

Paradise or yard sale?

Or both.

Please say both.

Let's just get this over with, okay?

Wonderful, shitty hand-me-downs.

Wow, this is great, Jess.

You really outdid yourself.

Where you see shitty hand-me-downs,

I see unwanted treasures.

Besides, Sam's birthday's coming up.

And you look for a gift at a yard sale?

Classy broad.

Poor college student, remember.

What do you think of this.

No.

I don't know.

Rancho photography's kind of cool.

I gotta take this, this is work.

Hey, please don't

take forever, all right.

We gotta study.

You must study 'til you die.

Make you a good deal on that.

Brought it on a couple

of family vacations.

It always took nice pictures.

Uh, thanks,

but I don't think snapping Polaroids

is really my friend's thing, so.

Oh, so you're looking for a gift, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

I think I might have something for you.

I've been going back and forth

on whether or not I wanted

the part with this.

This is perfect.

My wife, she always thought

the world of that little box.

I bet.

So?

How much?

Um, I don't know.

Five bucks sound fair?

Very.

Look, I'm sure it's found a good home.

Mm-hmm.

Let me know if you need

a price on anything else here.

Absolutely.

Thank you.

Should be fun.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, thanks.

And you chose that?

Uh yeah, it's amazing.

Congratulations, you bought something.

So can we go now?

Some of us have papers to write.

I think I have a paper to write.

Yep.

I was talking about you.

I think I'm done.

Done?

With what?

Accounting.

School, life, et cetera, et cetera.

Simple solution, change your major.

I'm scared to do something

impractical with my life.

Or scared to do something

your dad might not pay for.

I'll get you through it.

I promise.

Oh, hold on.

And don't let her see it.

Wouldn't dare.

It's about time.

I thought you guys left me for dead.

Blame your BFF.

And I do.

Just leave the pizza

on the table, traitor.

And my work here is done.

Let me guess, paradise again?

You know, you really

do this to yourself.

All you have to do is study.

I don't know what it

is about intermediate

that makes me so hungry.

So, you finished the chapter?

Answered the questions?

Of course I did.

A couple minutes ago.

Mind if I take a peak?

Or two?

What do you think?

Personally?

I think the paper might be worth

more than the box.

Shoulda got a gift card or something.

Oh, or some crappy camera?

You are aware that phones

have cameras now, aren't you?

You do know that phones

don't magically develop photos

before my eyes, right?

You know, break's coming up.

What do you say we hit the coast?

A little sun might look good on you.

I can think of something else

that might look good on me.

We don't have to go anywhere for that.

Is this your way of

getting what you want?

Depends.

Is it working?

Doesn't it always?

Come on.

Oh yeah.

Uh-huh, right.

And you got the cake mix?

All right, love, see you soon.

Bye.

Hey, wanna give me a hand?

It was awful.

Made with love.

And sugar.

Mostly sugar, I hope.

Make a wish.

All right, all right,

ya'll take a slice.

I'm already five pounds

into my freshman 15,

so help a girl out.

So, um, did you guys

get me anything else?

Mm-hmm.

And happy birthday.

Thank you, you guys.

It's a pony.

Open it.

All right.

You guys.

You like it?

I love it.

See?

Yes, I do have eyes.

It reminds me of something

my mom would have

in her living room.

All right, so, cake, check.

Presents, check.

What do you all say

we get the hell out of here

and go a little crazy.

Or how about the giant bug

marathon on TV tonight?

No.

All right, fine.

Let's go to the club.

Hey mom.

It's me.

I'm sorry I missed you earlier,

I was in class.

Anyway, the box I sent you,

Jess gave that to me for my birthday.

And anyway, it made me think of home.

But I love you, and

I'll talk to you later.

Bye.

No.

- Mm-hmm.

- No.

Yes.

Cheers.

The next one will taste better.

That's disgusting.

Jessica, did you remember

to pay the cable bill?

Yes.

Did you check to make sure

everything is plugged in right?

Everything's plugged in.

Fine, I'll double check from my phone

when we're on the road.

You know, I might call that guy

that I met the other night at the bar.

Tall, dark, and all over you.

I am so glad you are

finally gettin' in touch

with your inner goddess.

All right, well, call me if you need me.

Okay, will do.

Yeah.

Hey.

You know, all this stuff

you're avoiding,

it's gonna catch up with you.

That's future Jess's problem.

You try and have some fun, okay?

Okay.

I'm gonna make this grilled cheese

I'm gonna make

this grilled cheese, please

Damn it, Jess.

Hello?

Oh.

Oh, hey.

Yeah, a movie sounds great.

I'll see you later.

Okay, bye.

Jess?

Cole?

Did you forget something?

I have a knife.

I will stab you.

Guys?

All good girls want to die.

Damn it, Jess.

That's not...

I'm calling the police!

All good girls want to die.

All good girls want to die.

All good girls want to die.

All good girls want to die.

Hey, Sam, I'm at the door.

What's the deal?

Fine.

Whatever.

Samantha, we're home.

Well, the place is still standing.

That's a plus, right?

Yeah, I'm sure she has her reasons

for not calling or texting me

back for several days.

No use hiding.

I know you're here.

You're back already?

Already?

It's been almost four days.

Are you all right?

You don't look all right.

Sam.

Breathe.

I don't think I've drank

anything for days.

Days?

You've been sick?

Yeah, sick.

Stomach bug.

Honey, that sucks.

Yeah, nasty.

So you didn't even

hook up with that guy?

No.

No, lucky for him.

I'm gonna take a shower.

I'm happy to have you all back.

All good girls want to die.

All good girls want to die.

Whatcha doing?

Oh, um, just some online MD.

Well, night.

I hope you feel better.

Yeah, goodnight.

What's wrong?

I don't think she's left

that couch in three days.

Drugs?

She can barely handle an espresso.

She said she's still sick.

Maybe she is sick.

A hypochondriac like her

would be at the doctor's office,

not online.

I just wish I could get

a peak at her laptop.

Look at you goin' all NSA.

Look, for all we know

it's online dating.

I'm serious.

Yeah, so am I.

Look, if you're really concerned,

just call her parents.

Oh, now who's goin' all NSA?

I just wish I knew what she was up to.

Bases down.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Sh*t.

What?

Right center field, reaching...

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