Satan Met a Lady

Hold it, hold it.

No, no, not you.

Come on, get out of here. Get out of here!

Yes, that's fine. Thank you.

Mrs. Lucy, it's beautiful.

That's it. Are you the father?

- No.

- I am.

Get out of here.

This is nothing to the celebration

this town ought to give for your leaving.

- Now, get out and stay out.

- Yeah. We don't want any more

private detectives like you

making public scandal.

Board!

If the towns on this road knew

how much danger was headed their way,

they'd all be out flagging this train

to keep on going.

If you ever need me, boys,

you'll know where to look.

Right where there's the most trouble.

Oh, my darling!

Mr. Nash, I don't mind telling you,

with all my jewelry,

I'd be terrified of someone stealing it

if I hadn't had you here

to help me guard it.

If you're going to stay in San Morego,

you'll be needing

a bodyguard every minute.

I've always found it the most peaceful

and respectable place in the world.

They've cracked down on racketeers

in all the big crime cities.

And so they've moved in,

whole mobs of them,

on your nice, quiet, little city.

It's unprepared and unaccustomed

to dealing with their dirty work.

Well, that sounds logical, all right.

And it's logical I need a bodyguard.

Most certainly.

Just be careful who you get.

In a city full of crooks,

you might get a crook for a guard.

But how should I know?

You've lived there.

Perhaps, you can recommend somebody.

- I could if you insist, Mrs. Arden.

- Oh, would you please, Mr. Nash?

I'd be so grateful.

And when you're in San Morego,

don't forget to call me up.

I'm in the book.

Mrs. Arden, you're in the bag.

Hello.

- Can I help you?

- You're not a customer, are you?

No, sweetheart, I'm a detective.

Oh, that's just what we need,

a detective to find us a case.

Something told me to come here.

Maybe it was because of you.

Something told me to get out of here.

Maybe it was because of you.

You're leaving because Ames can't afford

to keep you on. Is that it, kitten?

The only case we've had

in weeks was a woman...

Do you keep this?

The only case we've had in weeks

was a woman who lost her pet poodle

and wanted Ames to find it for her.

- And Ames couldn't find it, eh?

- No.

Well, perhaps that's a good thing.

A poodle would probably scare Ames

to death. Is the genius in?

- Yes, but he doesn't like to be waked up.

- Oh, that's all right.

I'll probably be just a part

of his nightmare.

What's this?

- Shane.

- Your old partner come back.

What for?

To save you from further

wild goose chases after pet poodles.

- Why didn't you stay where you were?

- I needed a rest.

Bet you'll get plenty of it here.

Ames Detective Agency.

Who? Mrs. R. Manchester Arden?

Honey, this is it. I'll take it in here.

Mr. Ames speaking personally.

Shut up.

Mrs. R. Manchester Arden?

Why, of course, I've heard of you.

Well, it was very subtle of the gentleman

to recommend us. All right, Mrs. Arden.

Oh, yes, we should have a small advance.

Say $250.

I'll handle your case personally.

Goodbye, Mrs. Arden.

Well, was that phone call another one

of your practical jokes?

Yes, practical to the extent of $250.

You heard me.

Well, maybe you'll let me know

what this case is,

now that you've assigned me

to it personally.

Mrs. R. Manchester Arden is a grand

dame. I met her on the train.

Very doughy, with flesh and money both.

Enough money to believe my story

that she needed a bodyguard

because this town was full of crooks.

- So, I told her about you.

- Well, what do we do now?

You follow her wherever she goes.

So she'll think she needs you,

better hire a few mugs to appear

in the background and scare her a little.

Some of your friends will do.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Hello, what's your name, little girl?

- Murgatroyd.

- Can you spell it?

M- U- R... No, don't tell me.

G- A-T- R- O- Y...

- D.

- Murgatroyd.

Sounds like the technical name

for killing your mother.

Oh.

- Have you finished packing all your things?

- Yes.

And all the things that weren't yours,

but that you thought you could use?

- Yes. I mean, I'm all packed.

- Good.

Now you can start unpacking

because you're staying on, honey,

in spite of your name and everything.

But not in spite of never having been paid.

It's going on three weeks now.

A nice lady is sending down $250.

You'll be paid out of that.

All right. I start unpacking.

When the money arrives.

You'll be all right.

Things are going to start happening

around here and we can use you.

In fact, I'd like to have you around

even though things weren't happening.

Sort of taken things over, haven't you?

Office, business, secretary, everything.

- That reminds me, how's your wife?

- She's fine.

She hasn't thought about you

for a long time.

I'll take you home to dinner tonight

just to prove to you

how completely she's forgotten you.

- Astrid?

- Just a minute.

- I've brought a guest home to dinner.

- All right.

- Hello, kitten.

- Shane. How nice.

- And tomorrow is your birthday, isn't it?

- Yes, how nice of you to remember.

- Do I get my birthday kiss now?

- You certainly do.

I wish somebody'd remember

when my birthday is.

- Let me have your coat.

- Thank you.

Now, look here, Shane.

I know she used to be in love with you,

but that was three years ago,

before she married me.

And all this reminds me

that she might have married me.

- But you went away.

- Yeah.

But now I'm back.

Isn't it wonderful

having Shane back with us again?

Yeah. Everything's gonna be all right now.

- Are you going to be home this evening?

- I certainly am.

Well, that's a fine way

to tend to business, Ames.

Huh?

I told you, you should follow Mrs. Arden

whenever she goes out.

Yeah, but you didn't say

anything about tonight.

Well, I meant to.

She's going to a piano concert tonight.

- Like the piano?

- No.

Is that nice?

After all the trouble I've gone through

to get you your first case in months.

- Excepting, of course, hounding poodles.

- Have you really got a case already?

Oh, you wonderful darling.

It'll be just like old times if you can get

the business going good again.

We're a cinch, kitten. Aren't we, partner?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Kitten, how many times

do I have to tell you

to change the name on this door

to "Shane and Ames"?

Since you landed,

I've had too much else to do.

Hello, what's this?

Oh, that reminds me.

What are you doing tonight?

I've got a date.

Break it, precious,

and you and I'll have a lot of fun.

Oh, forgive me if I don't break

the date I already had.

It was with

the most thoughtful fellow named...

Named Shane.

Then I didn't catch you after all.

I knew we had a date,

I just wanted to see if you remembered.

- Oh, sorry. I thought you were sleeping.

- I was going to. I mean... No.

This is my partner, Mr. Shane.

- And this is Miss Valerie...

- Purvis.

Yes, Purvis, Purvis. Thank you.

Miss Purvis has got trouble.

- She wants us to take care of it.

- She came to the right place.

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