Scareycrows Page #3

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I hope so.

There was a bit of a

problem with her cut.

They told me to come back today.

Oh my God that's terminal.

I'm sorry sweetie, but

this is an emergency.

But you've only just started.

- Was it a punishment?

- A what?

It's okay, I think we

can salvage something.

I know a place that does an

excellent range of wigs, joking.

Don't worry, we'll have you

fixed to face the world again

in no time.

Would you like a cup of tea?

I'd rather have my hair cut.

Well I would do it

but Donna will kill me

if this isn't finished by

the time she gets back.

Why did you leave London?

Long story, big city, but a small world.

All those millions of

people and wherever I went

- I kept bumping into my ex.

- Oh...

I got quite paranoid in the end.

I even confronted him

once and asked if he was

- stalking me.

- And was he?

No but it got a bit nasty.

That's when I decided I had to

do something, Declan I said,

time for desperate measures.

You've gotta get away for a while.

It doesn't matter where,

just get on a train and go.

Just like that?

It's the Irish in me,

always been impulsive.

Aren't those things

supposed to go in fields?

You're thinking of scarecrows,

this is a Scareycrow.

And the difference is?

Also a long story.

More of legend really.

Oh go on, I love a good legend.

Well it all started

hundreds of years ago

when we were at war with the French.

Sidcombe was just a little

fishing village back then.

All the men had been

press-ganged and taken away

to join the navy, that

meant the women and children

were left alone with

no one to protect them,

and one day a French ship approached.

Of course they were

terrified, because they knew

they couldn't defend themselves,

and the French raiders

had been burning villagers

all along the coast.

It was looking bad but one

of the women had an idea.

She told the others to gather

scarecrows from the fields

and stand them up along the key side,

as the French got closer, they

saw the scarecrows lined up

thought they were troops and sailed away.

Ah that's sweet.

And every year since then, there's been

a Scareycrow Festival to celebrate.

- Better?

- Oh yes!

- Thank you so much.

- My pleasure.

(GASPS)

My God those things are everywhere.

What's it doing there?

Oh I can't cope with that

staring at me all day.

They're personal friends

of mine of course, yes.

Here it is, and look at

that, that's a fine piece

of weaponry wouldn't you say,

a fine piece of weaponry.

Highly dangerous.

Well you know, a Scareycrow

is supposed to be dangerous

aren't they?

(MUTTERING)

(GROANING)

(LAUGHING)

Your face!

What is it with you people,

I thought the stereotype

(MUMBLING) not trying to

give everyone heart attacks.

Friendly, Scareycrows

aren't friendly, they're evil.

Aren't you ever gonna grow up?

You said I should make a

Scareycrow, what do you think?

I think you're a twat.

How can Scareycrows be evil?

I thought they saved the village.

Oh they did, but I bet you've

only heard the PC version.

You mean there's a non-PC version?

Oh yeah, there's the

true version, you know

a long time ago when Sidcombe

was a small fishing village,

it happened once all the

men were press-ganged

into joining the navy, there were a lot of

French raids going on back then.

(GUNS FIRING)

(SCREAMING)

But it just happened one

of the women was a witch.

Next thing you know there's

an army of Scareycrows

with pitchforks and scythes

that are slapping the French

into the pieces until the

beach was red with blood.

Oh no, I don't like that at all.

I much prefer the prettier version.

Anyway Amy's version

is far more believable.

They are stuck in the

Dark Ages around here.

You don't seriously believe in witches?

(CHEERFUL MUSIC)

What are you doing with

that, that's one of the prices.

- All right, all right.

- Playing with that,

you'll spoil it, I

thought agreed to help me.

Okay, okay I'll sort these things out.

- I'll (MUMBLING).

- Yup.

(HUMMING)

Look, it's Cassie and her dad.

It's horrible, I had

no idea she was so bad.

We should go over and talk with him.

No, I mean what's the point

it's not like we can help her.

But it's so tragic.

Yeah but we don't have...

Hi Mr. Rundle, we were

just saying how glad we are

now that Cassie is back.

Really?

We were hoping we could

look after her for a while,

weren't we Amy?

We could show her the window displays.

Okay.

And now the highlight of our tour.

Please, after you.

Oh my God.

Who did that?

Much friendlier now.

Let's get out of here.

I wanna be with you

(HUMMING)

I wanna see you

Oh yeah

Oh hello girls, do

you want a to have a go.

We've got some lovely prizes.

No thanks Mom.

I will I can't resist a little flutter.

Oh lovely.

Nevermind.

Oh what a shame, oh do

you want to try again?

No thanks.

Are you sure, we've

got some (MUMBLING) left.

Have you?

Tell you what, how

about five for a fiver?

Mom.

Sure to win.

Go on then.

- These are out of date.

- Ssshht you!

What is this, 2010,

you can't give that away!

It's for a very good cause.

Mom!

I told her myself,

she won't listen to me.

Not my lucky day.

Do you want to try again?

No, no.

(CHEERFUL MUSIC)

[LINDSEY] There we are,

I hope that's comfortable.

- She can't hear you.

- How do you know?

She might know everything

that's going on, it can

happen sometimes, I read about it.

- You're joking?

- No seriously.

Wouldn't it be awful, can

you imagine being trapped

like that, unable to

move but still conscious.

Oh shut up, I don't

want to think about it.

What happened to her anyway.

No one knows exactly she must

have fallen off the seawall.

It happened this day last

year, it was late at night and

apparently she had a lot to drink.

You don't think she was pushed?

No of course not.

I mean, I could she could be

a, a bit of a cow sometimes,

but surely no one would

really try to kill her?

Oh look it's the comedian.

Hey did you see that?

What?

Well that Scareycrow just moved.

One of your friends was it?

No, no, seriously.

Wasn't it over there just now?

Wasn't what?

Well that Scareycrow

in the green trousers,

I swear it was over there.

I don't know they're everywhere.

Geez, there's another one.

I don't know about you

lot but after all this

entertainment I need a drink.

Good plan.

(CHEERFUL MUSIC)

(HIGH-PITCHED SINGING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

Oh hey you two.

We're heading to the pub, you coming?

- Yeah sure.

- Yeah.

I could do with a drink.

Oh, how cute.

It's watching us.

Oh Dillon it's not funny.

- I'm not joking.

- Give it a rest okay?

- We should tell someone.

- Has he been on drugs again?

Oh don't panic Dillon,

we'll protect you.

They're only made out of

straw after all, here.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

See?

(NECK SNAPPING)

(SCREAMING)

(ANTICIPATORY MUSIC)

- Sh*t.

- There's no signal!

We can use the landline in the pub!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- You've got to let us in!

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