Scary Movie

EXT DREW'S HOUSE ' NIGHT

Modest home on the outskirts of town where no one can hear

you scream, HALLOWEEN NIGHT.

INT. DREW'S KITCHEN ' NIGHT

CLOSE ON YOUNG HOLLYWOOD STARLET, A LITTLE ADORABLE SEXPOT

WE WOULD ALL LOVE TO SEE KILLED FOR THIS SCENE.

She grabs a tin skillet of "Jiffy Pop" and puts it on the

lit stove.

PHONE RINGS.

She answers.

DREW:

Hello.

A raspy male voice with a southern accent familiar to most

Americans.

V.O. BILL

Hey baby, what are you wearing?

I got a new box of cigars I want

you to'

DREW:

Hi Bill. Look, I can't talk right now.

V.O. BILL

Aw, come on. It took two bottles of

Wild Turkey to get Hillary to sleep. Can't

you just talk for a minute?

DREW:

I'm sorry. I can't. I got company coming

any second.

V.O. BILL

Alright, well give me a kiss.

She blows him a kiss.

V.O. BILL (CONT'D)

Remember baby, who's yo daddy!

A long tongue comes through the phone and licks her face.

She slams down the phone.

DREW:

Pervert.

Phone rings again.

DREW:

Look Bill, I told you'

SCARY VOICE:

Who's Bill? Is that your boyfriend?

DREW:

Who is this?

SCARY VOICE:

Tell me your name and I'll tell you mine.

DREW:

I don't think so.

SCARY VOICE:

What's that noise?

DREW:

Oops, I farted, I didn't think you would hear me.

SCARY VOICE:

No, that popping noise.

DREW:

Oh, I'm making popcorn. I'm getting ready to

watch a video.

SCARY VOICE:

Really? What's it called?

DREW:

Big black jocks' it's my favorite. There's this

guy in it, Jimmy dang a lang. He's hung like'

SCARY VOICE:

What about scary movies? Do you have a favorite?

DREW:

Oh. Uhh' The one where the girl gets

harassed on the phone.

(she passes a "Scream" poster)

A beat.

SCARY VOICE:

You have a nice voice, and you look

good in that tight blue sweater.

DREW:

(frightened)

Oh my God! You can see me? I haven't even

finished putting on my make-up!

She hangs up, runs to a mirror, starts fixing her hair and

puts on lipstick.

Phone rings. She doesn't answer. It stops. Suddenly her

pager goes off. Page reads

"Killer 911". Drew screams. Then the computer voice says

"You have a threat."

Phone rings again. Drew answers.

SCARY VOICE:

Don't ever hang up on me again!

DREW:

What do you want?

SCARY VOICE:

To see you split up the middle.

DREW:

Sorry, I don't do G-strings.

She hangs up. The phone rings immediately.

DREW:

Look you a**hole. My boyfriend's gonna

be here any second, and he plays football, and

he'll kick the sh*t out of you.

SCARY VOICE:

Oh, really? Turn on the porch lights.

Drew turns on the porch light.

We see a TEENAGE BOY strapped to a chair, his mouth covered

with duct tape.

DREW:

That's not my boyfriend. I f***ed him a

couple of times. But that's all.

The lights go out.

DREW:

Look, I'm calling the cops.

SCARY VOICE:

You might want to check the back door

first. You forgot to lock it.

She screams and drops the phone in horror. She races to the

back door.

EXT. DREW'S BACK DOOR ' NIGHT

We see a SHADOWY FIGURE also running to the back door.

INT. DREW'S BACK DOOR ' NIGHT

She gets there one step ahead of the shadowy figure and

locks the door, then chains it,

then puts "The Club" over the doorknob.

Drew backs away from the door in terror. The figure

disappears. The suspense

mounts'

DING DONG! The doorbell. Drew is frozen in fear ' who is

it?

She punches 9-1-1 on her cordless, then puts the receiver to

her ear.

SCARY VOICE:

(from phone)

Aren't you going to answer the door?

DREW:

Please'stop'

SCARY VOICE:

What's the matter, Drew? Not having fun

anymore?

DING DONG!

SCARY VOICE (CONT'D)

Answer it.

DREW:

No'

SCARY VOICE:

It could be your friends. It's been ten minutes.

INT./EXT. DREW'S FRONT DOOR ' NIGHT

She moves to the front door slowly, then grabs a baseball

bat out of the hall closet.

DREW:

(gripping bat)

I'm not afraid of you'

SCARY VOICE:

Then open the door.

She raises the bat, then closes her eyes and flings the door

open.

With eyes still closed, she flails away with the bat.

DREW:

TAKE THAT YOU PSYCHO!!

BANG! THUD! CRUNCH! She connects with several swings.

She opens her eyes to find three LITTLE TRICK OR TREATERS,

now lying knocked

out on the front porch.

DREW (CONT'D)

Oops'

She apologetically tosses the children candy, which only

lands uselessly next to their

broken arms.

The children GROAN in pain as she closes the door.

LITTLE BOY:

I can't feel my legs'

INT. DREW'S FRONT DOOR ' NIGHT

Drew locks the door. As she turns, we see the KILLER '

right behind her.

The Killer has on Scream attire.

He raises a wicked looking knife and creeps up behind her.

KILLER:

Hello Drew.

Drew freezes in her tracks ' it's the same scary voice from

the phone..

She turns to see the Killer and SCREAMS!

Drew takes off running, the Killer in pursuit. She goes out

the front door.

EXT. DREW'S FRONT YARD ' NIGHT

Killer follows her at the casual horror movie pace.

Drew sees a sign. It reads: SAFETY (Left arrow), DEATH

(Right arrow). She runs to

the right.

Drew running. She stumbles.

NEW ANGLE ' REVEAL SHE"S LAYING IN A PERFECT CHALK OUTLINE

OF:

HER BODY.

The killer is right behind, still walking at a casual pace.

Drew looks over her shoulder. No matter how fast she runs,

the killer keeps getting

closer.

Reveal Drew is on a treadmill. It stops. She checks her

pulse, takes off running.

Killer catches up.

The Killer grabs her sweater. She slips out of it exposing

her bouncy bra clad breasts.

The chase continues. The Killer grabs her skirt. She slips

out of it.

Drew, in full sprint, in only a bra and panties, her hair

short and wild. The sprinklers

come on spraying her with water.

SLOW MOTION DREW RUNS THROUGH THE WATER.

Drew looks seductively at the camera as she shakes the water

from her hair, continuing to

seduce the lens as she caresses her breasts and runs her

fingers through her hair.

Back to normal, the Killer closes in. He grabs her around

the neck, raises his knife,

plunges it into her chest.

A LOUD POPPING SOUND.

CLOSE ON KNIFE AS IT PULLS BACK. ON THE END OF IT, A

LEAKING:

BREAST IMPLANT.

Drew, wounded, continues to run with one deflated breast,

the other normal.

Drew sees headlights in the distance. She runs towards the

car.

The killer wipes the implant off his knife and gives chase.

Drew standing on the road waving her arms at an oncoming

car.

DREW:

Daddy, mommy, help! Help me!

EXT. DREW'S HOUSE/ROAD ' NIGHT (CAR)

DAD is driving, obviously not paying attention to the road,

slams into Drew, sending her

flying.

MOM pops up from DAD'S lap.

MOM:

Did you hear something?

DAD:

Nah, I didn't hear nothing.

He pushes her head back down into his lap.

Drew, lying on the road semi-conscious, the Killer standing

over her.

The Killer kneels and straddles her.

CLOSE ON THE KNIFE. IT STRIKES THE FATAL BLOW.

INT. CINDY'S ROOM ' NIGHT

Cindy typing on her computer, a noise outside her window.

Cindy looks at her window.

Theme music from Dawson's Creek plays as a MALE CAST MEMBER

climbs through

the window.

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