Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

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Scott Pilgrim is

dating a high-schooler?

Really? Is she hot?

How old are you now,

Scott? Like, 28?

I'm not playing your

little games, kids.

So, you've been out of high

school for, like, 13 years.

I'm 22. Twenty-two.

And you're dating a high-school

girl. Not bad, not bad.

Thank you, thank you.

So, did you guys, like,

you know, do it yet?

We have done many things.

We ride the bus together.

And we have meaningful conversations

about how yearbook club went

and about her friends

and, you know, drama.

Have you

even kissed her?

We almost held hands once,

but then she got embarrassed.

Well, aren't you

pleased as punch.

I don't know what

you're talking about.

So, what's her name?

Knives Chau.

She's Chinese.

Wicked.

So, when do we

get to meet her?

Oh, please,

let it be soon.

That's for me.

Hi.

You promise to be good?

Of course I'll be good.

Seriously,

please be good.

Am I normally not?

Hey, Knives, this is Stephen

Stills. He's the talent.

Hey.

Is she gonna

geek out on us?

She'll just sit

in the corner, man.

I mean, I want her

to geek out on us.

She'll geek. She geeks.

She has the capacity to geek.

Okay.

You're good.

Wow.

Here, let me

get your coat.

Hi.

Knives, that's Kim.

Sorry,

what was your name?

Kim.

And you play the drums?

Yes.

That is so awesome.

Knives, that's Young Neil.

Hi.

Hi.

What do you play?

Wow, Zelda, Tetris.

That's kind of

a big question.

Okay, let's start

with Launchpad McQuack.

That's not

the actual title of the...

We are Sex Bob-Omb!

One, two, three, four!

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah

Laminate the stasis

Mama, mama serpentine

I got a breathalyzer

And my body's clean

Yeah! Yeah!

Thank you!

Get ready

Yeah

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah!

You guys are so

amazing.

She seems nice.

Yeah.

Yeah, she seems awesome.

Yeah.

Scott, if your life had

a face, I would punch it.

Yeah. Wait, what?

I mean, are you really happy

or are you really evil?

Like, do I have ulterior

motives or something?

I'm offended, Kim.

Wounded, even?

Hurt, Kim.

You? Hurt?

Neil, you were saying

about "she seems awesome.' '

Yeah, she seems awesome.

Yeah.

Before you hear some dirty

lies from someone else,

yes, I'm dating

a 17-year-old.

Oh, is he cute?

Does this mean we have

to stop sleeping together?

You see another bed in here?

Yeah. You're totally

my b*tch forever.

So, the whole 17-year-old thing,

don't tell too many people.

Hey, you know me.

I mean, don't tell my sister.

You know me.

Who are you texting?

Seventeen years old?

Scandal!

That's not true.

Who told you?

Wallace. Duh.

That gossipy b*tch.

You know me.

Wallace!

Who is this

mystery child you date?

Her name's Knives Chau.

She's Chinese.

A 17-year-old Chinese

schoolgirl? You're ridiculous.

It's a Catholic school, too.

With the uniform

and everything?

Yeah. The whole deal.

Oh, my God.

You guys haven't...

No, no, no, no. We haven't

even held hands yet.

I think she hugged me once.

Scott,

why are you doing this?

I don't know. It's just nice,

you know? It's just simple.

It's been over a year

since you got dumped

by She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named.

So...

Are you

legitimately moving on

or is this just

you being insane?

Can I get back

to you on that?

I do not wanna

be here at all.

This school

has boys, too.

I hate you. Even I would think

twice about dating a 17-year-old.

Well, she's only

allowed out

when the sun is up,

so I wouldn't call it dating.

It's more like...

Playtime?

That doesn't sound so good, either. No.

Scott!

Hey, Knives.

This is my cool, gay

roommate, Wallace Wells.

Hi.

He's gay.

Oh, do you wanna know

who in my class is gay?

Yes, does he wear glasses?

Wallace, you go now. Begone.

You're too good

for him. Run.

Get ready!

Here we go!

Did you know that the original

name for Pac-Man was Puck-Man?

You'd think it was because

he looks like a hockey puck,

but it actually comes from the

Japanese phrase "paku-paku,"

which means, "to flap one's

mouth open and closed.' '

They changed it

because they thought that

"Puck-Man" would be

too easy to vandalize.

You know,

people could just scratch off

the "P" and turn it

into an "F" or whatever.

Oh, my God! Like, wow!

Combo!

Yeah. Wow.

Continue?

Nine, eight, seven,

six, five, four,

three...

Oh, I got it.

... two, one.

I don't listen

to that much music.

I mean, I know a lot of kids who play

piano or whatever, but you guys...

You guys rock.

Well, I knew

I personally rocked,

but I never suspected

that we rocked as a unit.

So, thank you, Knives.

I mean, you guys

are gonna be huge.

Well, we're already

pretty big,

but, yeah, I guess

it'd be cool

if cool people started wearing

our T-shirt or whatever.

Cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Excuse me, do you have anything

by The Clash at Demonhead?

Have you tried the section

marked "The Clash at Demonhead"?

Thank you, Julie.

Are you coming

to my party Friday,

or will you be

busy babysitting?

Thank you, Julie.

You don't want

to listen to her.

And you definitely don't

want to listen to them.

Oh, I heart them so much.

Yeah, I hearted them, too, until

they signed to a major label,

and the lead singer turned into a

total b*tch and ruined my life forever.

But that's just me.

Envy Adams is so cool.

Do you read her blog?

Sorry, you were

saying about me?

I mean, I've never gone

out with anyone so talented.

Go out with

a lot of guys?

No.

Yeah, so, whatever, man.

I've never even

kissed a guy.

Hey,

me, neither.

Here you go.

So, this is

your secret lair?

Yeah, yeah.

Can I come in?

My secret lair

is one of those

"No girls allowed"- type

deals.

Okay.

But do you wanna see the

house where I grew up?

Sure!

Come on.

There you go.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow.

Oh, God.

So alone.

You're not alone.

What?

You're just having

some idiotic dream.

Does that mean

we can make out?

Oh, God!

What is it, Scott?

I had this

totally weird dream.

Oh, God.

What is it,

Other Scott?

Can we skip the dreamtime?

Color me not interested.

But there was this girl.

Girl?

Was this

an Envy-related dream?

We don't use

the E-word in this house.

No, it wasn't her.

It was somebody new.

Yay for that.

Speaking of new,

weren't you supposed to take

your fake high-school girlfriend

to the library

a half-hour ago?

What? It's like 6:00

in the morning.

Shh!

It's weird.

What's weird?

Libraries remind me

of grade school.

That must seem like

a really long time ago.

Yeah, let's talk

about something else.

Do you know that girl?

Scott!

What?

You only played one note

for that entire song.

My hand slipped.

Is your girlfriend

distracting you?

My girlfriend?

I'll be quieter.

Let's do that one again.

Sorry, what are we doing?

I told you, like, 50 times!

We're going

to this party, retard.

Party?

At Julie's.

I thought

you guys split up.

We did, but there might be some

label guys there, so, you know...

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