Scramble!

SCRAMBLE!

Written by

Kelly James Frank

kellyjames.frank@telus.net

780 908 1644

FADE IN:

INT. SAN FRANCISCO - RADIO STATION - CONTROL ROOM - DAY

Radio station call-in assistant, KEVIN, is busy lining up

calls for "Doctor Ed's Goodtime Help Hour". He's 45, hair in

a ponytail, earrings, wearing a Grateful Dead T-shirt, jeans,

and has classic rock music BLARING in the background.

The walls are covered with old 1960s San Francisco rock

posters:
Jefferson Airplane, Blue Magoos, and others.

KEVIN:

(friendly; low gravelly

voice)

Hey man, this is Dr. Ed's Goodtime

Help Hour. What's your name? Where

you from? And have you called in

before?

Kevin takes a bite of a sandwich; bean sprouts are spilling

from it.

JACK (V.O.)

(voice sounds filtered)

Uh-no, I haven't called in before.

KEVIN:

All right, brother.

(picking at his teeth)

Your name, and where ya from?

JACK (V.O.)

Uh... Jack. Jack from the... uh...

uh... I've got a great view of the

mountains from here.

KEVIN:

OK, mountain-man Jack. Stay on the

line. You're on after Rob from

Denver.

STUDIO:

Separated from Kevin by a glass wall is DR. ED PAULSON, 42, a

psychologist, well-dressed in a suit and tie, wearing a

headset. He is very animated and expressive. Definitely not a

“poker face”.

There are about ten paper clips in a perfect row on his desk.

He fidgets with them as he talks into a microphone to

callers.

Off to the side, there are two shelves full of self-help

books:
Robbins, Peale, etc.

DR. ED

Now, Rob, you have to get loose.

You take things too seriously. So

what if your wife wants to get her

nose pierced like her

granddaughter?

He listens intently and shakes his head in semi-disgust.

DR. ED (CONT’D)

No, I think a tattoo of the City of

Cleveland across her rear end to

celebrate the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of

Fame is a wonderful form of selfexpression

for a sixty-eight-yearold

woman. Now, about her trading

your Bronco playoff tickets to her

sister's niece for Eminem’s newest

album, you’ve got to be more

understanding. I mean, you can

listen to the record too, Rob. OK?

Roll with the punches.

He bobs and weaves like a boxer in his chair, his voice

rising, building to end the call.

DR. ED (CONT’D)

Get to know your wife better. Give

me a call in a week. Thanks for

calling in, Rob. We'll be back

right after this advertisement from

Global Eggs. Remember, instead of

cracking up, crack a Global Egg!

The secretary, TRACI, 22, brings in a coffee for Dr. Ed. She

is head-turning attractive, even in a loose GAP sweatshirt,

jeans, and hiking boots.

He sips the coffee and grimaces.

DR. ED (CONT’D)

(agitated; frantic)

Traci! Traci!

TRACI:

Yes, Doctor?

DR. ED

(in machine gun mode)

Taste this! Taste this! There must

be two lumps of sugar in here.

(MORE)

2

I only want one! How many times do

I have to tell you? Pulleeze,

listen!

Dr. Ed casually looks out the window and starts to panic.

DR. ED (CONT’D)

It's raining like crazy. When can

we get this damn show transferred

to Hawaii? Traci, the top is down

on my Mercedes! Run out and put it

up for me.

Kevin talks into his microphone connected to Dr. Ed's

headset.

KEVIN:

Dr. Ed, Jack from... I think he

said Mountainview, is on the line.

First-time caller. Ready, go.

SPLIT SCREEN - INT. STUDIO / EXT. MOUNTAINSIDE - FOREST - DAY

On the LEFT, Dr. Ed sits in the studio, talking into the

microphone.

On the RIGHT, JACK walks through a dense forest, talking into

a cell phone. He’s a silhouette, barely visible, and largely

concealed by foliage.

DR. ED

Hello, Jack. What a beautiful day.

How can I help you?

JACK:

Uh... Uh... I'm not sure.

DR. ED

Well, Jack from Mountainview. You

called in. Something must be

bothering you? Job, relationship,

what?

JACK:

Job, I guess. I do good things, but

I don't think I'm appreciated.

DR. ED

OK, I get it. Now, this is a common

concern in this day and age of

downsizing, rightsizing, and

outsourcing.

DR. ED (CONT’D)

(MORE)

3

Some employee roles and

contributions get lost in the

corporate shuffle.

Dr. Ed flutters his hands up into the air like birds flying

away.

DR. ED (CONT’D)

Many employees find such job shifts

to be very stressful. Now, you

called in from one of the American

hotbeds for software development,

Mountainview. Probably no industry

has seen the kinds of changes and

cycles that yours has.

JACK:

Actually, the basics of my business

haven't changed much in years and

years.

DR. ED

I don't know about that. Perhaps

you think it hasn't changed because

you’re so involved in it.

Dr. Ed brings his hands together firmly and clasps them.

DR. ED (CONT’D)

But if you were on the outside

looking in, then you would fully

notice the change in the customers'

wants and needs. Jack, you must use

those ears of yours to become more

aware of your surroundings.

Jack’s silhouette becomes slightly clearer, revealing the

outline of a pair of very long, floppy ears on his head.

JACK:

(stroking his ears)

Hmmm... Yes... I think you have a

point there. The expectations of

customers are higher now than

they've ever been.

DR. ED

Exactly. Now, what kind of work is

it you do?

JACK:

I guess you could say I'm in the

delivery business. Many people

depend on me.

DR. ED (CONT’D)

4

DR. ED

So, are your customers happy with

you?

JACK:

Yes, yes, I think so. But there are

other, uh, areas like mine that

also deliver things and make people

happy. But those areas seem to be

more popular, colorful, and stuff.

It's like I'm not a big deal.

Jack stops walking and his silhouette can be seen leaning

against a tree.

DR. ED

(mildly agitated)

Now, Jack, I'm having a hard time

following you. I think you're

hopping to conclusions. First, you

say you're caught up in change, but

then you say your customers seem to

be happy with you.

JACK:

What! What do you mean? I'm not

hopping right now.

DR. ED

Think of why your customers deal

with you.

JACK:

Because I... I dunno, I give them

what they want.

DR. ED

Exactly. People deal with you

because you are good at what you

do. You get customers due to

honest, sincere work, not because

of a lucky rabbit's foot or some

other strange thing.

Jack’s silhouette bends over as he looks at his feet.

JACK:

(looking at his feet)

This is unbelievable.

DR. ED

(lowering voice)

Good, good. Now stay with me, my

friend.

(MORE)

5

Let me clean the cage and start

fresh. It sounds like you have a

pretty good job, and those who

depend on you like you, right?

JACK:

But how can I be sure that my...

uh... customers really, really like

my... uh... services?

DR. ED

Jack, it's all in your perception.

Clearly, you are in an interesting

and challenging, albeit changing,

business. I think you have to stop

nibbling at small problems, because

you just end up making them into

big problems.

Jack’s mouth is revealed.

JACK:

(agitated)

I always nibble. I like to nibble.

DR. ED

See, that's what I mean. Maybe you

just need one customer that you can

confide in, trust in, someone who

can really reassure you of your

importance.

JACK:

You seem to know me. I mean, you

know exactly who I am, right?

DR. ED

(laughing)

Let's just say I know your

situation. So relax, find someone

you can trust, and no more harebrained

assumptions.

JACK:

What?! You've got me pegged!!

DR. ED

You look after yourself, now. Don't

let these imaginary problems

cascade on you.

END SPLIT SCREEN

DR. ED (CONT’D)

6

EXT. MOUNTAINSIDE - CLEARING - CONTINUOUS

JACK, a real, large, five-foot-tall, flop-eared, talking,

furry white rabbit, is now standing in a small, lush clearing

in the trees, on a mountainside, gazing down at a small town.

Jack, a little on the chubby side, wears a blue denim shirt

with rolled-up sleeves and cream-colored mid-calf cargo

pants, with an attached cell phone holster. His White Sox

baseball cap is on backward.

Jack continues to talk on the phone.

JACK:

This is fantastic! You're right on

the map!

INT. RADIO STATION - STUDIO - CONTINUOUS

Dr. Ed, listening to Jack, looks surprised.

DR. ED

Uh... Uh... Well, glad to have

helped. Goodbye till next time,

Jack!

Dr. Ed toggles a switch, ends the call, and finishes up his

segment --

DR. ED (CONT’D)

That's our last call for the day.

I'll be back on the air real soon,

hopefully in one piece after my

annual ski vacation. Good day

everybody!

CONTROL ROOM:

Kevin wraps up the show, speaking into his microphone --

KEVIN:

That's our show for today. Thanks

to everyone that called in and we

hope you had a good time with Dr.

Ed. We'll be back in exactly one

week. Keep our number, one-eight

hundred-B-I-G-H-E-L-P on your

fridge door. Also, the doc can be

reached at www dot help dot com.

Until next week -- keep your

problems on hold for Dr. Ed!

7

STUDIO:

Traci enters Dr. Ed's side of the studio.

TRACI:

So, where are you going skiing?

DR. ED

I don't know yet. And it really

doesn't matter. That last caller

reminded me why I need a rest.

These people who insist on seeing

things that are really not there,

you know, developing problems out

of nothing. Constant demands for

order and logic in this complex

world really tests my patience.

TRACI:

(fearfully)

Any special instructions while

you're gone?

DR. ED

Make sure you stack all my mail for

me in my absence. All letters

should be piled face up, in the

order in which they were received,

with the stamps in the upper right

corner. Got it?

TRACI:

(sighs)

Yes, Doctor.

INT. HOCKEY RINK - DAY

COACH RANDY, 35, wearing a tattered tracksuit, is running a

hockey practice for a team of seven-year-old BOYS. The boys

are skating hard from one end of the ice to the other.

One boy, DYLAN PAULSON, mop-haired and cute, is smaller than

all the other players.

Coach Randy is at center ice. He blows his WHISTLE.

The boys skate full speed to him as if the last one there

will be cut from the team.

Coach Randy kneels down on one knee so he can talk to his

players at eye level. He has a few water bottles in front of

him.

8

COACH RANDY:

Let's go, men! Come in here. Men,

take your helmets off and grab a

drink.

He waits a second while the boys grab a drink. The boys are

sweating, but are still frisky as newborn colts as they gulp

the water.

COACH RANDY (CONT’D)

Men, we have a big game next week.

If we win, we're in the playoffs!

The boys smack the ice repeatedly with their sticks and

CHEER.

DYLAN:

Yeah, and it's my turn to be

goalie!

COACH RANDY:

(fatherly; gracious)

Dylan, you're a heckuva little

hockey player. But for this game,

I'd rather you play forward.

He points to the net with his hockey stick.

COACH RANDY (CONT’D)

You see, Dylan, with your little

body, you don't block that much

net. This is a very important game.

OK, little buddy?

DYLAN:

(head down; staring at the

ice)

I guess so.

EXT. SAN FRANCISCO - DR. ED'S HOME - NIGHT

A two-story home in an upper-middle-class suburb.

INT. SAN FRANCISCO - DR. ED’S HOME - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

The home is large but comfortable. The TV, stereo, and

computer are all BLARING in the background.

Dylan is by himself in the living room, doing the MACARENA in

front of a mirror, wearing his hockey cap, shin pads, hockey

garter, hockey socks, and a Colorado Avalanche t-shirt.

9

A voice yells from the kitchen --

SHERYL (O.S.)

Supper's ready! Come on!

JOSS PAULSON, 13, dressed like she’s 18, strides down the

stairs and walks through the living room to get to the

kitchen. She quickly stops upon seeing Dylan.

JOSS:

What are you doing, Dylan?

DYLAN:

(without breaking stride)

The Macarena.

JOSS:

Duh. I mean, in your hockey

equipment. Why?

DYLAN:

You can't be in the NHL without

equipment.

JOSS:

(frustrated; arms crossed)

You’re not going to be in the NHL.

Especially if they saw you right

now.

DYLAN:

Oh yes, I am.

JOSS:

(voice rising)

You can't be in the NHL. You're

just a... a kid. How do you know

you’re going to be good enough?

DYLAN:

I can do anything I want. Dad

always says that on the radio.

JOSS:

You're such a --

Joss stops as she sees SHERYL PAULSON, 36, short-styled hair,

pretty in a professional way, walk into the living room.

Sheryl is talking into a cell phone and has a copy of Fortune

magazine in her other hand.

10

SHERYL:

That's right, Don. I'll be in the

office tomorrow. I've got to go.

Bye.

She hangs up and forcefully addresses Joss and Dylan --

SHERYL (CONT’D)

That's enough, you two! I don't

want to hear any more of this.

Joss, go sit down at the table.

Dylan, please hurry up and get your

equipment off. Your practice was

over an hour ago.

Sheryl turns off the STEREO, the computer, and the hockey

game on TV, sets her cell phone and paper on the coffee

table, and heads back to the kitchen.

Joss is already seated at the kitchen table.

KITCHEN:

Dr. Ed enters the kitchen from a door to the backyard.

DR. ED

(to Sheryl)

How was your day in the money pit?

SHERYL:

Busy, busy. The commodities are

really hot. I can't believe the runup

on some of the futures coming

out of Chicago. I've never seen

anything like it. Especially eggs.

And you in the people pit?

DR. ED

High tempo as usual. These callers -

- they just insist on creating

problems, situations, difficulties,

that really, in the final analysis,

amount to nothing. Soon, they

develop an almost chaotic

dependence on imaginary events.

I'll tell you, I'm looking forward

to this vacation.

Dylan, in just a t-shirt and underwear, enters and sits down.

DYLAN:

Mom, when are we going skiing? Are

we going tomorrow?

11

SHERYL:

Tomorrow is Tuesday, and we're not

going until Wednesday. And yes,

you’ll be back for your playoff

game.

JOSS:

Dylan, you are such a dweeb. You

know how to run a computer, but you

still get the days of the week

mixed up.

DR. ED

Dylan, did you pull off my email

for me?

DYLAN:

Yup. There was only one. And I

practiced reading it. It was a guy

from... I can't remember, but his

name was Jack, and he said he

really needs to talk to you.

DR. ED

Jack... Jack, yeah, I remember...

Develops and installs high-tech

products. Poor guy is caught up in

a merger or forced acquisition, I

guess. Anyway, send him the usual

note telling him he needs to make

an appointment at my office like

everyone else. Joss, pass those

delicious, braised carrots.

Joss passes the carrots to Dr. Ed.

DR. ED (CONT’D)

Sheryl, where are we going skiing?

SHERYL:

I've already made arrangements for

High Peak Valley. It's a little

further away than our usual ski

holiday, but I was talking to

James, our office ski maniac, and

he said that it's pretty much the

only resort left with good snow

conditions.

DR. ED

But that's a long ways away, isn't

it? Way up by the Canadian border?

12

SHERYL:

What does it matter? We're flying,

not driving. Besides, they have a

special Easter weekend package with

all kinds of great things for the

kids. It sounds like it'll be a lot

of fun.

DR. ED

I'll buy in. What's the schedule?

When do we precisely leave and

where do we land?

SHERYL:

Well, tomorrow is get-ready day. I

have to go into the office for a

few hours to clean up some

mercantile options. We fly out

Wednesday morning for Spokane at

ten forty-five. Then we rent a car

and we're at our High Peak Valley

hotel in less than an hour. Along

the way, we can stop in a little

town called Cascade and stock up on

munchies.

JOSS:

Cool! But I need new gloves. Can I

go to the mall and look for some?

DYLAN:

Only if you promise not to be back

by the time we leave for High Peak

Valley.

JOSS:

(glaring; squinting)

Thanks for the reminder,

Dylan -- I need to pick up a

tongue remover at the mall --

DYLAN (CONT’D)

-- Do they sell makeup

remover?

SHERYL:

(to Dr. Ed)

Ed, do something about these two!

DR. ED

(to Sheryl)

Me? What can I do?

13

DYLAN:

(to Joss)

Yeah? Well, I’m gonna send

everyone at your school your

text messages where you talk

about kissing Matthew Evans

at the school dance.

JOSS:

(to Dylan)

My texts?! How did you see

them?! You can’t read my

phone! Mom! Mom!

SHERYL:

(to Dr. Ed)

Whatever it is that you do!

DR. ED

Now, Sheryl, the children are just

expressing themselves. Roll with

the punches. Get to know the

children better, Rob.

SHERYL:

Rob? You called me Rob!

DR. ED

I did not. You didn’t hear me

right. I said, don’t rob the

children of the chance to express

themselves. Expression and

creativity are essential to

personal character development.

Sheryl, clearly frustrated, shakes her head at Dr. Ed’s oftrepeated

performance, then faces Joss and Dylan.

SHERYL:

Listen up, you two. This has to

stop. Joss, you can go to the mall,

but you go tomorrow, not tonight. I

want to make sure all your homework

is caught up and done. Do you

understand?

JOSS:

Yes, Mom.

SHERYL:

Now for you, Dylan, there are some

things that are private. You do not

read someone else’s chats and

things. Sometimes, people confide

their innermost feelings to another

person. That kind of thing, about

feelings, is not to be shared.

She pauses to ensure that Dylan will never do this again.

14

SHERYL (CONT’D)

Dylan, do you understand?

DYLAN:

Yup.

SHERYL:

(relieved)

Good. Are you ready to go skiing?

DYLAN:

(eating; mouth full)

Sure, Mom. But what about the

Easter Bunny? How will he find us

if we are up by Canada?

SHERYL:

The Easter Bunny is always in total

control. He... uh... uh... tracks

everybody with a supercomputer.

Right now, he is gathering all the

eggs and coloring them for all the

good girls and boys. There’s

nothing to worry about, Dylan.

DYLAN:

I hope you’re right, Mom.

EXT. JACK’S MOUNTAINSIDE CAVE HUTCH - DAY

The sun-dappled landscape is clear, fresh, and crisp. In the

distance, there is snow on the mountain peaks.

On the side of a mountain, there’s an opening -- the entrance

to a cave...

INT. JACK’S MOUNTAINSIDE CAVE HUTCH - CONTINUOUS

Moving deeper and deeper inside, the cave stretches to

reveal...

... an enormous hutch, filled with the frenetic, intense

activity of many chickens walking around with wings full of

eggs. Other chickens are sewing Easter bonnet hats,

surrounded by huge piles of carrots.

On one wall, there’s a large map of North America with pins

in Seattle, Houston, Toronto, and New York City.

In the foreground, SCRATCH, a four-foot-tall rooster in threetoed

rubber boots, is sitting at a desk COMPLAINING LOUDLY

into a cell phone while punching numbers into a computer.

15

Scratch is wearing a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt and short red

pants. He has Ben Franklin glasses attached to a chain around

his neck. Scratch is crusty but friendly looking.

SCRATCH:

Lookit, pal, I need eggs. Lots of

eggs. My people are making what

they can, but I need more. All the

egg production is being bought up

by some outfit called Global? Well,

what are the rest of us supposed to

do?

(listens)

I buy extra eggs on the commodity

market every year this way. Listen,

I'll call you tomorrow to see if

there are any new developments.

He folds his cell and turns to see Jack shuffling up to him.

JACK:

(depressed)

Scratch, I just don't think the

kids are into my Easter eggs

anymore.

SCRATCH:

(soft; fatherly)

Jack, the kids love you. Easter is

the season of new beginnings --

spring-time, the birds coming back

from down south. Everyone loves

Easter.

JACK:

(animated; sniffling)

But take Christmas -- presents,

pretty wrapping paper, Santa,

decorations on houses, special

baking, great music -- I mean,

everything. And what about

Halloween? Everyone dresses up in

neat costumes, candy for all the

kids, scary houses, special school

parties. I'm just not flashy enough

anymore. I don't scare anyone like

Halloween, and I'm not as lovable

as Santa.

SCRATCH:

Jack, Easter is about what's inside

of you, not outside. Easter is more

of a feeling, not flashy

decorations. Think about it, Jack.

16

JACK:

But what about other parts of

Easter, like eggs for example?

Maybe the eggs don’t mean anything

to the kids, like Halloween apples

and Christmas candy canes do.

SCRATCH:

No, that’s just my point. I’d bet

my right wing that kids know eggs

are special, ya know -- something

being born, fresh and new. Easter

is seeing your first red-breasted

robin after a long winter. It's

seeing a little girl in a pretty

dress walking in the warm spring

sun. At Easter, you see kids flying

kites and celebrating the new

season, reaching, in their own way,

for something higher. You don’t see

that at Christmas or Halloween!

JACK:

Maybe you’re right.

SCRATCH:

Of course I am. It seems Christmas

and Halloween are more concerned

with receiving rather than giving.

Comprehenday?

Scratch’s words seem to reassure Jack.

JACK:

Yes, yes. It’s just that I wish I

could be sure about my importance

from someone else besides you. I

want to know that the kids really

like me. Scratch, I... I contacted

an expert doctor in San Francisco.

This man knows everything.

SCRATCH:

(doubling over)

You contacted a person?! Geez, why

would you do that, Jack? I’m always

nervous around vets. They give me

the willies. They got one thing on

their mind, and one thing only.

They’re not going to be happy till

all the males can sing higher than

Celine Dion.

17

JACK:

No, no. He’s not a vet. Don't

worry. He's a special doctor that

helps you with your thoughts and

feelings. I feel he knows me, this

Dr. Ed. I know I can trust him.

SCRATCH:

Well, OK. Besides, we have a bigger

problem. It's really tough trying

to round up enough eggs this year.

It's like the market has completely

dried up or someone is stockpiling

them or something. I've never seen

anything like it.

(points to the hens)

Our hens are laying them as fast as

they can, but we need more!

JACK:

Well, we only have five days to go,

so I hope you're able to bring it

together. I guess Easter without

eggs would be like Christmas

without fruitcake.

SCRATCH:

Well, Christmas without fruitcake

isn’t a bad idea, actually. Jack,

you with me on this Easter thing?

Jack looks like he has regained his confidence.

JACK:

I am, but I want to contact Dr. Ed

again. Between him and you, I think

I’ll be ready for Easter.

SCRATCH:

We won't be ready if we don't get

the eggs. There’ll be a lot of sad

kids at Easter. We need someone in

the human world who can find out

what's going on, or we're in big

trouble. No time to fool around.

JACK:

Maybe we should approach Dr. Ed

with this. But he's a doctor, not a

farmer or a policeman.

Scratch ponders, scratching his neck.

18

SCRATCH:

Geez, geez, I don’t know. But

maybe, and I say just maybe, if we

can trust him like you think, we

could get him to visit some of the

big egg suppliers for us. I mean,

if he's a doctor, he shouldn't mind

helping chickens -- er... people.

JACK:

Of course, of course! That’s what

I’m thinking!

SCRATCH:

(warming to the idea)

He, more than any human, would know

all the grief and sadness if kids

didn't get their Easter eggs. It's

our only card, and I think we have

to play it.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes