Secrets & Lies Page #7

Has it?

Looks like a dentist's

waiting room.

[Maurice chuckles]

I'd kill for a cup o' tea.

If you're 21...

or a millionaire...

it's great.

Or you've got nine kids...

you're fine.

Brilliant. Open arms.

But for guys like you and me,

doesn't matter

how good you are -

forget it.

But it was an experience...

and now I'm back.

That's too bad.

You were full of such big plans.

[Stuart] It's a big place.

- That's true.

- Too f***in' big.

You're lookin' as gorgeous

as ever, Monica.

You thinkin' about

setting up again?

No, forget it.

Too much of a pain.

You know what

it's like, Maurice.

You sweat your balls off

for years

and try and make people happy.

And what d'you get back?

Nothing!

(Thanks.)

By the way, this is

Jane, my assistant.

I bought the business

from Mr Christian.

- Hello.

- Hello, Jane.

I hope he's treatin' you well.

He's all right.

You can work for me any time.

I'm all right

where I am, thank you.

Your wife must've been

sorry to come back.

Which wife?

Ah, that b*tch.

She never came out there

in the first place.

Oh.

- So where you living now?

- Down in Grays.

- Essex.

- Yeah.

- Me mum's place.

- Must be nice for her.

- Havin' her boy to fuss over.

- She's dead.

She died when I was in Bangkok.

Aw!

- Sorry to hear that.

- That's a shame.

Didn't see much of her anyway.

It's my dad I miss.

You win some, you lose some.

[Teeth chatter against the mug]

You must've had some

lovely weather in Australia.

Too hot.

It's too hot over there,

it's too cold over here.

[Stuart]

Hasn't changed much in here.

[Maurice] Just a lick of paint.

Still got the Bronika, then?

Yup.

I should've thought

you'd be able to afford

a Hasselblad by now, Maurice.

I can.

Oh, well off, are you?

Survivin', mate, yeah.

Yeah. You've done well

out of my business, haven't you?

[Maurice] MY business.

[Stuart] It's MY business.

No. I bought it from you.

It's MY business.

- This was an antiques shop.

- That's right.

There was nothin' here.

- I know.

- I gave you my goodwill,

I gave you my clientele,

I gave you

my f***ing reputation.

You gave me nothing, Stuart.

- Your client list was sh*t.

- It wasn't.

I followed it up.

I rang 'em, I didn't

get one bite.

If there's any success

in this shop,

- it's down to me.

- That's bollocks!

It's not bollocks,

it's the truth.

- How many weddings do you do?

- Enough.

- How many?

- About 40 a year.

- I used to do 140!

- What, personally?

No. Nobody does 'em personally.

- I do.

- Then you're a bloody fool.

Get people in.

If the work's there,

grab it while you can.

I'm not getting some tosser in.

He could f*** up my reputation.

- I'm not a tosser!

- I didn't say you were.

- I'm not a f***ing tosser.

- I didn't mean you.

- Don't call me a tosser.

- I didn't, Stuart.

[Stuart] I can still do it!

I've still got an eye.

They can't teach you that.

- I'm still a photographer!

- 'Course you are.

So if you want someone

to help you out,

no worries, mate.

I'll be all right.

Right, right.

I see what you're

saying, Stuart, yeah.

I'll bear it in mind.

You could lend me a camera?

Yeah, sure.

I had mine nicked.

Yeah, great.

Thanks.

Sure.

[Monica] I thought we were

never gonna get rid of him.

There but for the grace of God.

Tea's on the table.

Right.

Ain't you havin' none?

No.

Why not?

I'm goin' out.

Where you goin'?

[TV is on]

I'm off now then, sweetheart.

Ain't you gonna tell me where?

You never tell me

where YOU'RE goin'.

You never go nowhere.

I'm going somewhere

tonight. Tada.

- Have fun.

- Don't wait up.

She's been actin' right funny.

Where's she gone?

F*** knows.

She wouldn't tell us.

He's all right, though, Maurice.

Always got plenty of wine in.

- We'll get well pissed.

- Nice one.

I'm a bit shy of you,

to tell you the truth.

Of me? Oh, you shouldn't be.

Look at you sittin' there.

You look like a model.

Oh, do I?

I'll bet you was

a pretty little girl.

Yeah, lovely.

Don't do that!

You'll stay like it.

Stop it!

Don't spoil it.

I used to drive my mum

mad pullin' faces.

Bet she was a laugh, wasn't she?

No, not really.

Thought you said she

was a midwife.

Yeah.

I'd like to have been

one of them. I love babies.

- I'm sorry, darlin'.

- It's all right.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Is that all right for you?

Yeah, it's lovely.

Wet, ain't it?

Where's this food, then?

I'm ravishin'!

What?

I've got so many things

I wanna ask you

but I can't remember

what they are.

Nice to have someone

to talk to, innit?

Give us your hand, here.

Oh, you've got

beautiful skin.

Right, let's have

a look at you.

What, can you read palms?

I used to.

Ain't done it for years.

Nobody's interested no more.

Now, if I didn't know you,

I could see by lookin' here

what a nice girl you are.

Big heart.

You're gonna live

to a ripe old age an' all.

Let's have a look.

Couple of kids.

D'you want babies?

- I'm not sure, really.

- Oh, don't ya?

- Maybe. I dunno yet.

- Yeah, 'course you do.

Star sign?

Leo. I'm on

the cusp of Cancer.

When's your birthday?

Oh, 23rd of July.

You'd think I'd know that,

wouldn't ya?

- That was the other day.

- Yeah. Sunday.

Why didn't you say nothing

when I phoned ya?

It's no big deal.

Did you have a party?

- No.

- What d'you do, then?

Stayed in, read

me book, had a drink.

- What, on your own?

- Yeah.

Aw.

Well, happy birthday

for Sunday, sweetheart.

Thank you.

You're out now, ain't you?

Yeah. In good company.

With your mum.

You thought about havin'

driving lessons?

What for?

I could get you some

for your birthday.

Don't be stupid.

Get yourself

a little motor, eh?

Ain't you goin' out tonight?

- No.

- Why? What's happened?

- YOU goin' out?

- Yeah, later.

- Where you goin'?

- Down the pub.

I hope you're taking

care of yourself.

What?

Don't wanna get knocked up.

- Don't be so bloody cheeky.

- Not at your age.

- All right?

- Missed a bit, darlin'.

Who's this?

Oh, don't start all that again!

Come on, who is it?

- It ain't me, is it?

- No!

Well, who?

Sylvester Stallone.

I can't understand

a word he says.

You like lookin' at him, though.

No, he ain't my sort.

- What IS your type?

- What, film star?

- Yeah.

- Marlon.

I like a bloke with

a bit of meat on him.

What sort of bloke

do YOU go in for, then?

Oh.

Intelligent... sensitive...

Don't you care

what they look like?

Yeah, but they've gotta have

something going on upstairs.

You only have black

boyfriends, do you?

No.

How do YOU look

after yourself, then?

You know, if you don't

wanna have babies.

Condoms.

You just stop at that, do you?

Yeah. It's the best way.

- Can't be too careful.

- Gotta protect yourself.

It's my daughter's

birthday next week.

- How old is she?

- 21.

Nice age.

She's your sister now,

ain't she?

Yeah. Suppose she is.

Does she look like you?

Yeah, a bit.

You look more like me

than SHE does.

We're the same build.

What are her eyes like?

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