Secrets of Deception

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1

-What's up?

- Well, I have a client

with a little problem.

- I figured.

Who's the client?

-You know Jeff Schaefer?

- Jeff Schaefer. Oh, yeah,

the pharmaceutical guy.

-Yeah.

- So, what do you want from me,

huh?

- I need you to hook me up

with one of your guys.

-Come on, Luke. Come on.

What happened to your big,

bad motherf***er,

Ronald, your boy?

-Honestly, I don't know.

Usually, he'd be all over

something like this.

But he's not calling me back,

so...

- That's why I'm here.

- You know...

I don't know if I should

take it as a compliment or not.

But it's always

really good to see you.

Leave her out of this.

-What'd you think, homey?

You thought we were

just gonna walk away or what?

- You want to shoot somebody,

shoot me, you motherf***er.

Shoot me, you f***.

-Aw, sh*t, it's going to be fun.

-Happy anniversary, my love.

- All right, just make sure

everything's set up

when we arrive.

Last time, was a bit of a mess.

It was like one thing

after another...

You know what I'm saying.

- Of course, Mr. Schaefer.

You've nothing to worry about.

Let me handle

all of those particulars.

It's about time

you took a vacation.

- Okay, and don't forget

this is a secret,

so just keep it between

me and you, okay?

- Yes, sir. However,

I just want to remind you

about the autism speaks event

this Saturday.

- Looks like somebody

made you breakfast.

-God, you're the best.

Happy anniversary, baby.

- Happy anniversary, my love.

- You ever cheat on your wife,

Mr. Schaefer?

-Cheat on my wife?

You just interviewed my wife.

She's gorgeous.

I mean,

I couldn't even pay a girl

half as good to f*** me.

No, I don't cheat on my wife.

-We met your secretary.

- Very pretty.

- Hmm.

- What kind of

f***ing question is that?

- Well, did it ever

cross your mind,

I mean, once or twice?

- Listen, I don't mean

to be disrespectful, okay.

But I have never,

or never will cheat on my wife.

-Okay, okay.

- You know, I might have a couple

of little surprises for you.

- Woo.

What are you up to, hmm?

-Here's number one.

-Oh, my god.

- You didn't.

- I did.

Oh, my god.

-You remembered.

-Of course, I did.

You know, I can take it back

if you don't like it.

-No. I love it.

Thank you.

- So I'm going to

hop in the shower

and get to work

and pay for this, okay?

-How did I get so lucky?

-I ask myself that every day.

You put that on

and eat your breakfast, okay?

- Be a good girl.

- Hmm.

Never.

-This is Gregg.

- Hey, Gregg.

It's, um, Jeff Schaefer.

I don't know if you remember.

I used your services

back a couple of years ago.

I was looking to

acquire a company.

- Oh, sure. Hello, Mr. Schaefer.

How are you?

-I've been better.

-Well, you're alive.

I'd say that's...

That counts for a lot.

How can I help you?

I'm going to need you to

keep tabs on my wife.

- You mean,

your ex-wife?

-Oh, no, my current wife.

I think there's

a possibility that

she might be involved

in some indiscretions

and I just want to make sure

before I take

any unnecessary action.

- Hurry up. Your boss

is going to get mad at you.

- I am the boss.

-Bye-bye, babe.

-See you, sexy.

Why would you think that?

I'm his assistant.

I pay his credit card bill.

Every time he goes to Vegas,

he's got all these charges

from escort companies.

The weekend he meets Kim,

it's different.

There's only one charge

to a new company

and it's for like

five times the rate

of the other companies.

So i... I clear the charge

with Mr. Schaefer and he says,

oh, it's... it's just, just some,

you know, some admission fee,

to some private party.

Plus, I mean, have you seen

the way she dresses?

-You believe this guy?

-What do you mean?

-I mean, do you believe him

and his whole

"my life is great" sh*t?

I mean, he must have known that

his wife was cheating on him.

He's not that big of a dummy.

He doesn't seem

that way, anyway.

-I don't know, to be honest.

I mean, he could, but then what?

I mean, you're gonna

put this guy

to being a possible murderer

because he lied to us

about his wife being a whore?

- No, but he could have

put a hit out on the boyfriend.

Or, they could've done it

together on some

sick, twisted,

fantasy sexual sh*t.

I mean, that kind of stuff

happens all the time,

especially in their world.

I mean, think about it.

He could've been cheating on her

and she cheats on him

and it's their thing, their mo,

and suddenly, the poor kid's

throat gets slashed.

- Sounds a little far-fetched.

- Come on.

- Really, really?

- Not that far.

-To be honest with you,

he doesn't seem like

the murderer type, you know.

- He doesn't?

- Yeah, too much to lose.

-So you got a guy for me?

- You know, I charge a connect

fee for this type of thing.

- Of course.

There's no problem.

- Okay.

- Money is not a factor.

-No? Hmm, okay.

What about Jose, man?

You know Jose?

- 56th street, Jose?

- Yes.

-He's out already?

-He's out.

-Please wait.

Come here.

Come here.

-Oh, f***, yeah.

What?

Hey, babe?

- Oh, my god.

-What?

- It's my f***ing husband.

- Honey...

- Hey, babe, whose car

is that out in front?

- Sh*t.

- Where do I go?

- Get your jacket.

You got to hide.

- Where am I going to go?

Babe...

- Don't make a sound.

- What's that, baby?

Why are you home so soon?

- What are you doing

in lingerie?

-Do you like it?

-Is that makeup?

- It was supposed to be

a surprise.

I was just trying it on

for when you got back.

And now you ruined it.

Why are you home already?

-You think I'm stupid?

Is that it?

You think

I'm f***ing stupid, huh?

Do you think I'm f***ing stupid?

-But her on the other hand,

she has everything to lose.

I mean, think about it.

He kicks her out,

where does she go?

He cuts her off,

how does she live?

Maybe the kid

liked to stick his hand

a little bit too far

in the cookie jar

so she decides to cut it off

before her husband finds out.

Maybe the kid shows up

all the time.

She tries to let him down easy,

but the kid threatens

to tell her husband

if she doesn't

keep on f***ing him.

Bam.

She cuts his f***ing throat

because she feels

it's her only option.

-Okay.

Well, what about

the two Mexicans?

And the Mr. Luke?

- Yeah. Hmm-uh.

Good question.

- You do have a couple

of good points there.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

You should see your face.

Oh, my god.

I forgot my briefcase.

- I'm sorry...

- Wow.

- I'm sorry.

- F*** you.

- No, for real,

you ruined the surprise.

-I'm just kidding around.

Hey, I'm sorry.

It was funny.

-You're hurting my feelings.

-What's the problem?

- Let's just say he's...

Having some marital issues.

-Oh, yeah?

I know all about those.

- Hey, whose car

is parked outside?

-What car?

- Parked right in front.

Right in front of the house.

Do you know whose it is?

-I wouldn't know, baby.

I've been in my mirror

all morning.

It's... the only person,

possibly...

No, no, I'm sorry.

It's the neighbor's car.

I remember now.

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