See You In Valhalla

1

To everyone that knew me

and to those who didn't,

this is my last will

and testament.

I have no personal possessions

worth giving,

only my thoughts

and my recollections

I hand to you.

Sometimes in death,

breath is drawn to new life,

and a spirit dies

to be reborn.

Today is the day

of my namesake's reckoning,

and one day, we'll dine

in Valhalla with Odin.

We will again

be one as family,

the way

it was intended to be.

Your son, brother,

and acquaintance,

Magnus Burwood.

May we all become Vikings

after I am gone.

See you in Valhalla.

All right.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Next up, a bizarre story

involving a meth distributor

and a Viking.

We now take you on the scene

with James Warner.

James?

Thank you, Rick.

We are here at the home

of Carlos Ruiz,

an apparent crystal

methamphetamine distributor,

whose home contained

over 12 pounds

of pure crystallized

methamphetamine,

according to police.

Last night,

26-year-old Maxwell Burwood

dressed as a Viking

and broke into Ruiz's home.

Burwood was then

shot and killed

during the altercation.

Ruiz, now in police custody,

says that Burwood

was high on crystal meth

and tried to attack him

with a sword.

A neighbor close by

reported hearing Burwood

screaming vengeance

for his deceased girlfriend,

Jamie Tanner, who was said

to have overdosed

inside Ruiz's home

only weeks earlier.

Maxwell was also known

by his Nordic name

Magnus MacTanner

at an alternative drug rehabili

-

tation center in Iceland.

This story has garnered

a cult following

of local bloggers and

comic book aficionados

similar to Burwood.

Oh, my God.

They gather

outside the Burwood home

hoping for

more information.

Mm.

Hey, Jo.

Oh, sh*t.

Pete, I totally forgot.

Oh, no.

That's totally cool.

I mean, if you're busy

or something,

I can come back

another time.

It's...

No.

It's just, uh...

Just come in.

There was

this news story.

I got you flowers.

I hope you like daisies.

I went for roses, but then she

said it'd be way too serious,

and then

carnations came up,

but she said

daisies were, like,

really in right now.

I'm sorry I'm early.

I just thought,

you know,

we could hang out a little bit

before if you want.

Hey, you want a drink?

No. That's... That's cool.

It kinda makes me

a little crazy.

Oh, what about

the other night?

That was just...

I kinda needed

to work up the courage

to sorta do,

you know, what we...

did.

...had a big problem

in this neighborhood,

so, you know,

it's really sad

that somebody died,

but it's kinda great

that something

is being done

about it. Maybe...

So do you want to go

get some food?

Because if not,

it's totally fine.

I can...

Um, no, I just... It's...

No, you know what?

It's... It's fine.

I... I think I'm gonna go.

You know

that Viking guy?

Yeah. What about him?

He's my brother.

Really?

Yeah.

I am so sorry, Jo.

I... I don't even know

what to say.

I need to go home.

I need to go home,

right?

That's what you do

after someone dies.

I mean, yeah.

I can't believe I have

to deal with these people.

Who?

Oh, my family.

Do you not like them?

I-It's very complicated.

Do you not have anybody

to go with you?

'Cause I'll totally

go with you if you want.

No. That's really, really,

sweet of you, but I just

I can just go home

and pack a bag,

and we can leave first thing

in the morning.

Not a good idea.

Jo, listen to me.

You just lost somebody.

Right now, you definitely shoul

d

not be by yourself.

Oh, my God.

Car. Car.

Excuse me.

Right here?

Excuse me.

What's your name?

Are you part

of the Burwood family?

Are you an ex-lover

of the Viking murderer?

Sir? Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Pete!

No comment?

Hello?

As you inhale,

I want you to be one

with the Earth.

Drop your petals

to the ground...

and feel their energy

lift you up.

Exhale.

Hi, Dad.

Jo?

Is that you?

It's me.

Johana.

Oh.

Ah, cool.

Who's this?

I've never seen this person

before in my life.

I'm Faye.

But what's

in a name, right?

I... I don't know.

Faye's my nurse.

She helps out

around here.

She used to deliver

my groceries.

I came by one day,

and I said, "Do you

need help, man?"

He was

super stoked about it.

Oh.

Hey, Johana,

did those yuppies

out there bother you?

Uh, yuppies? No.

We hardly noticed.

No. That's...

Okay.

You know,

Faye's the best.

Our meditation sessions

have guided me through

this whole process.

Those people out there,

I block 'em out merely

with the power of my mind.

You're like a monk.

Who're you?

This is Pete.

We're dating.

I... I noticed

that you, um, are

using a cane now.

Why is...

Oh, yeah.

What can I say?

My... My legs

are getting old.

Oh!

Medication time.

Ah.

And what's in the,

uh, container?

Oh, this is

a spirit concoction

with a wheatgrass base.

Nice.

Yum.

Delicious.

Oh, Jo.

There's something

I want to show you.

Ta-da.

You saved that? God.

I painted that

when I was like, 10.

It's my favorite.

We saved 'em all.

So good.

Okay,

can you just please

hide that

while I'm here?

What? Why?

Can I have this?

Dad, please.

I'm asking you.

All right.

Whatever makes

my little girl happy.

Okay. So, um, are we

the first ones here?

Oh, no. Barry's

around here somewhere.

He brought

a little friend, too.

He is

so beautiful.

Way off.

Is that Barry?

I actually have

no idea who that is.

Hello.

Hello?

Hey, Jo-blo!

Oh, my God.

Barry?

Hey.

Wow. You are

so skinny.

Yeah.

Hey, I'm Pete.

It's so nice

to meet you.

Hi, Pete. 40 pounds in the last

year. Can you believe it?

Jesus.

Were you, like,

really fat before

or something?

Ugh, the fattest.

You gotta see this.

You carry around

a picture?

Always, to remind me

how fat I was.

Wow.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

Yeah.

Congratulations,

man.

Thank you. I guess that's

one of the benefits

of having

a live-in trainer.

Guys, this is Makewi,

my beau.

Hi.

Oh, yeah.

Hi. I'm Peter.

I'm Jo's beau.

"Joe's beau."

Must be a poet,

'cause that rhymed.

Okay, easy, tiger.

What?

Barry's gay,

by the way.

I kind of

figured that out.

Well, let's just throw

a parade in my honor.

Let's do it!

Sorry.

So, Makewi.

Mm.

What kind of name

is Makewi?

It's Hawaiian,

means Matthew.

How exotic.

Isn't it?

Yeah.

Have you guys seen Dad

and his nurse?

Yeah.

That was very weird.

Yeah. Has Don

showed up yet?

No.

Ugh.

So, haole Pete,

how are you with a bow?

Ooh, yeah. Good idea.

Why don't you guys

go play Robin Hood

while the adults catch up?

No, no. The sarcasm

was directed at Kiwi.

I can be a bit of a b*tch

sometimes.

Yes, you can.

Want a beer?

Yes, please.

That'd be wonderful.

Uh-huh.

With your right.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Grab an arrow.

Okay.

There you go.

So, uh, did Magilly

bring his own haystacks?

Makewi.

Oh.

I brought the hay.

Why?

Therapy.

He used to be addicted

to OxyContin.

But since taking up archery,

he stopped and now

only smokes weed.

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