Seems Like Old Times Page #4

Synopsis: Writer Nick Gardenia is kidnapped from his California cliffhouse and forced to rob a bank. Now a fugitive, he seeks help from his ex, Glenda. She is a public defender remarried to a prosecutor, and we get a houseful of hijinks.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Jay Sandrich
Production: Columbia Pictures Corporation
  1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
6.7
Metacritic:
58
Rotten Tomatoes:
71%
PG
Year:
1980
102 min
994 Views


- Yes, exactly.

I know it's coincidental,

but I never smuggled drugs in

from Mexico.

I was down there doing a

story on illegal aliens.

Met a couple of guys in a bar,

slipped them $100

and they told me that they would

show me how the network was run.

How was I supposed to know I was sitting

on a bump that was five pounds of heroin.

You could've looked.

I'm not going back

to prison, Glen.

I spent two years in a cell with two

cockroaches who committed suicide.

Will you please help me?

Not by breaking the law.

You never should have

married a DA, Glen,

took a lot of pizzazz

out of you.

Now if you just make me a money

doggy bag, I'll be crawling along.

I'm sorry, Nick,

I'm not gonna help you.

I see.

Well, don't count on my

support for Ira's campaign.

Look how upset the dogs are.

What am I gonna do?

Oh, come on, don't cry.

Don't cry.

Don't do this to me.

All right, I'll get him.

Oh, God! How'd you

I didn't quite make it

to the driveway, did I?

What are you doing?

Well, most people

put their hoses in the garage.

Shh. You'll wake up Ira.

Shh. you'll wake up Ira.

Get the food. Ow!

There's an empty room

over the garage.

You can stay there tonight, but

you've gotta leave in the morning.

Something I said?

Because of you Ira's gonna lose the

election and I'm gonna get divorced.

Well, what are friends for?

You obviously don't have any.

Isn't there some other girl

that you could have gone to?

Nah, they're not dependable,

all they want is sex.

Oh, God, I hate to complain,

but you are choking me to death.

You put on weight,

or my fingers got skinny?

Listen, you can touch me

for help, not enjoyment.

It's times like this, I wonder

why we ever got divorced.

Because

Because of times like this.

- Ow!

- Can you make it up these steps?

Any chance of sending them down?

Oh, come on.

Oh, sh*t.

What happened?

I was getting worried.

It was the rabbits all right,

I chased them for three blocks.

You must be exhausted.

I am.

Mmm. I just want to sleep.

Think you'd be too tired

to help me in the morning?

To do what?

I wanna set up

a campaign office,

clean out the room

over the garage.

I'll get it. I'll do it.

I'll do it, honey.

Uh, you have enough

to worry about. I'll do it.

Count on me, Ira. I'll do it.

Oh, who's that?

Have them shot, Ira, please?

Oh, my God!

What time is it?

Ira?

Oh, God!

Ira!

- He took my broom,

and went out the back door.

He didn't say what

he was gonna clean up.

- Oh, sh*t!

- Well, maybe it was.

- Ira!

Uh, uh

- Uh, telephone!

Take a message, I'm just

gonna take a look in here.

- Let me explain.

How, um

How we could make this

a terrific office.

Who was it?

- On the telephone.

Oh, it was for me.

Then why did you yell "Ira"?

In case it was for you.

You haven't had

your coffee yet. I can tell.

We have to get a few more

phones in here.

What are you doing down there?

Looking for outlets for phones.

They're over here,

where the phone is.

Well! Oh, well,

that's the best place for it.

- Oh, God bless you.

- Nothing, I sneezed.

- Oh, gesundheit.

- Thank you.

Ira

- Could we go

someplace and talk?

Well, I need to

talk to you in private.

I mean, it's a private conversation

that needs privacy of intimacy.

- No. It's a guest room.

Uh-huh, Glenda,

come over here and sit down.

Glenda, what's wrong with you?

- It

Is it Nick?

I mean, it's Nick, isn't it?

- If it's Nick, I don't want to hear about it.

- It's Nick.

- I knew it was Nick.

Look, you don't even have him in custody

yet and he's as good as convicted.

Nobody's convicted him!

He'll have plenty of time

to explain that eight by ten

gloss that he took in Carmel.

I can explain

what happened in Carmel.

Really? Where did you get

your information from?

From Nick.

I spoke to him last night.

He was the rabbit I was chasing.

He was the rabbit? How could you do this?

What did he say?

That's confidential information

between me and my client.

Your client

Sit down. Are you crazy?

Are you crazy, withholding information

from me, the District Attorney?

Not even to mention Ira,

your husband.

I can't believe this.

I'll confide in you if you're Ira, but

not if you're the District Attorney.

All right, I'm Ira! I'm not the

District Attorney. What did he say?

No, you're

the District Attorney.

I can tell by the way

you're asking the questions.

Glenda, Glenda

With a little bit of luck,

I may still have a shot

at security guard at

the county museum.

Where is he?

I'll tell you what happened in Carmel,

if you agree to try to have Nick

put in our custody

until the trial date is set?

In our custody?

You want me to adopt him?

We'll make the cover of

The National Enquirer.

Then we have

nothing further to discuss.

All right, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

What happened in Carmel?

He was in a friend's cabin

in Big Sur, working on a book.

He, uh Two men walked in,

kidnapped him and stole his car.

They forced him at gunpoint,

to drive to a bank in Carmel,

hand the teller a hold up note.

Uh, then they escaped

up the mountain,

took the money, kicked him onto to

a sand dune, leaving him for dead.

That's his whole story and

I believe every word of it.

You believe that story?

Yes, I do.

Now, wait a minute. Let me

Let me get this straight.

What you're saying is that two

men walked into his cabin

GLENDA:
Right, right.

IRA:
They They kidnapped

him, stole his car.

GLENDA:
Right, that's it.

That's it. That's good.

IRA:
Forced him to give

a bank teller a hold up note.

- Yeah. Mmm-hmm. Right.

- Kicked him down a sand dune.

- Yeah, you got it, you got it.

- IRA:
They left him for

That they left him for, uh

- You got it.

For dead.

GLENDA:
That's it.

I saw him limping.

- I saw him myself.

- Oh, he was limping!

I didn't know that. Well,

then of course he's innocent.

Limpers never lie.

Limpers are famous

for telling the truth.

The man is a convicted

drug smuggler!

How can you believe such crap?

All right, Glenda. Glenda, I'm

gonna give you five seconds

to tell me where he is.

I'm counting now.

One, two

No, you don't get

five seconds. That's it!

Not only am I worried about the

future of our relationship,

I also won't be home

for dinner tonight.

You forgot to ask him

for the beige suit.

- Oh, shut up!

- Ow.

Easy, easy. The leg

Don't leave the leg behind.

Oh, thank you.

Hope you won't be sore with me, but I was

listening. Thought your speech was aces.

I didn't quite buy that bank robbery

story, but otherwise, it was first-rate.

I don't think I've ever

heard him like that.

Did you see that awful look

he had in his eyes?

No, but his shoes

looked in pretty bad shape.

Oh, why am I doing all this?

Why do I believe you?

You haven't taken any of this

seriously for a second.

You've been having

the best time, haven't you?

Look at you! With that

silly smirk on your face.

I tried a serious smirk,

but it didn't feel right.

Rate this script:1.0 / 1 vote

Neil Simon

Marvin Neil Simon (born July 4, 1927) credited as Neil Simon, is an American playwright, screenwriter and author. He wrote more than 30 plays and nearly the same number of movie screenplays, mostly adaptations of his plays. He has received more combined Oscar and Tony nominations than any other writer.Simon grew up in New York City during the Great Depression, with his parents' financial hardships affecting their marriage, giving him a mostly unhappy and unstable childhood. He often took refuge in movie theaters where he enjoyed watching the early comedians like Charlie Chaplin. After a few years in the Army Air Force Reserve, and after graduating from high school, he began writing comedy scripts for radio and some popular early television shows. Among them were Sid Caesar's Your Show of Shows from 1950 (where he worked alongside other young writers including Carl Reiner, Mel Brooks and Selma Diamond), and The Phil Silvers Show, which ran from 1955 to 1959. He began writing his own plays beginning with Come Blow Your Horn (1961), which took him three years to complete and ran for 678 performances on Broadway. It was followed by two more successful plays, Barefoot in the Park (1963) and The Odd Couple (1965), for which he won a Tony Award. It made him a national celebrity and "the hottest new playwright on Broadway." During the 1960s to 1980s, he wrote both original screenplays and stage plays, with some films actually based on his plays. His style ranged from romantic comedy to farce to more serious dramatic comedy. Overall, he has garnered 17 Tony nominations and won three. During one season, he had four successful plays running on Broadway at the same time, and in 1983 became the only living playwright to have a New York theatre, the Neil Simon Theatre, named in his honor. more…

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