Semi-Pro

# Baby, who wants to love me sexy? #

# Baby, who's ready to lick me sexy? #

# Baby, we're naked

and we're humpin' sexy #

# Love me sexy! #

# Come on, girl. Yeah #

# It's me, Jackie Moon #

# Give me that look, that's right #

# Let's get sweaty,

let's get real sweaty #

# I'm talkin' rainforest sweaty #

# I'm talkin' swamp sweaty #

# Let's fill the bathtub full of sweat,

all right #

# Baby, who wants to love me sexy? #

# Baby are you ready to lick me sexy? #

# Baby, wake up, we're naked #

# And we're humpin' sexy #

# Come on, girl #

# Baby, who wants to love me sexy? #

# Love me sexy #

# Baby, are you ready

to lick me sexy? #

# Lick me sexy #

# Take off your shoes

and suck me sexy #

# Suck, suck,

suck, suck, suck me sexy #

# Baby, we're naked

and we're humpin' sexy #

- # Whoo! #

- # Humpin' sexy #

# I wanna do a little thing wit' you #

# I wanna do a little thing

wit' you #

# When I say "love me"

you say "sexy" #

# Love me #

- Sexy.

- Oh, yeah, Flint Tropics crowd!

Get it goin'.

It feels good, doesn't it?

I see some ladies up there

who wanna love me sexy.

Jackie Moon soaking up

a robust round of applause...

as he finishes up his

once-popular song, Love Me Sexy.

I'm Dick Pepperfield joined,

as always...

by former Tropics forward

Lou Redwood.

Yeah, I might suit up tonight.

Sometimes I still dream of glory, Dick.

Well, sometimes dreams

can turn into nightmares, Lou.

What's your problem?

And now, the starting lineup...

for your Flint, Michigan Tropics!

At Ball Girl, measuring 34-23-34...

she hopes to be

an astronaut one day...

I don't think she can do it.

Put your hands together for Melinda!

Go Tropics!

From South Bend, Indiana...

this guy has a heart of gold,

his brother's a retard.

He reads to him

and paints him pretty pictures...

Scootsie Doubleday!

Scootsie Doubleday

taking the court now.

Yeah, his brother

is really retarded.

Ronnie Doubleday.

He has all three

major kinds of retardation.

This guy is single

and disease-free, no V.D. at all...

but you could be the lucky girl

to give it to him!

Six foot five!

Twiggy Munson!

Of course he's disease-free.

What chick wants to be with a guy

that's hung like a twig?

Well, that's not true.

I've heard a lot of women say...

that they actually prefer a small penis.

Show me one gal who says that

and I'll show you a liar.

I'll introduce you to

Mrs. Pepperfield later on tonight.

Oh, Jesus, here we go.

Your man in the middle...

seven foot two...

from a weird country called Lithuania.

He's ugly as sh*t.

- Vakidis!

- Go, daddy!

- This fella scares me.

- Yeah!

That little kid from the Jackson Five,

he scares ya too.

Oh, mark my words, Lou...

there's something creepy

about that young man.

Bobby Dee, where's Clarence?

- Nobody's heard from him.

- Come on, Tropics!

Bee Bee!

You're startin'.

From Peoria, Illinois...

this guy,

what can I say about him?

He's got the hottest girl in the world,

I'm not kiddin'.

Cannons, people.

Big ol' boobies.

The luckiest man in Flint...

Bee Bee Ellis!

Well, it's true about

what they say about Bee Bee's wife.

She has got a tremendous set of b*obs.

To me, they're too large.

Oh, they're perfect.

I don't know, they... To me

she looks structurally unsound.

And now, the moment

you've all been waiting for.

At six foot five,

a solid, meaty 215 pounds...

your pregame announcer,

your owner, your coach...

your pop singing sensation,

but most importantly...

your power forward...

yours truly, Jackie Moon!

All right!

Jackie Moon

always gives himself...

a fantastic introduction.

- Yeah, why not, Dick?

- Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

It's his team, his money and

his tunnel of beautiful ball girls.

Oh, speaking of money, Lou,

did you get paid this week?

No.

You lose weight, Father Pat?

F*** off, Jackie.

All right, guys, huddle up.

Vakidis!

What is he doin'?

You know what? F*** it.

Listen, I promised these fans

a show tonight, all right?

Twiggy, if you get a dunk tonight

try to break that backboard, all right?

- We'll get that on the news.

- All right.

Let's bring it in,

it's showtime, right? Let's get...

Tropical!

Go Tropics!

Right here, right here, right here!

I don't like it.

Back! Back!

Clear!

Yep, that feels good. That feels...

- Danny, what are ya doin'?

- Nothin'. Eatin' nachos.

You get 'em from the concession stand?

- Nah, I brought 'em from home.

- What?

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, come on!

- What?

- Travel!

He brought nachos from home.

Tryin' to run a business here.

- You can't call that.

- Jackie, you gotta dribble...

if you're gonna move.

What are you talkin' about?

- Basketball rules.

- Fine.

I got season tickets.

I can do whatever the hell I want.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I can do this.

And this.

And that!

Let's go, Trops!

We are well underway

and the big question, Lou...

where is Tropics' leading scorer,

Clarence "Downtown" Malone?

I agree, it's completely

unprofessional, Dick.

Lou, can I ask you

to please put out your cigarette?

No, I like to smoke when I drink.

All right, fans, let's hear it for

"Downtown Funky Stuff" Malone!

Go Clarence!

That's my son.

Downtown wastes no time

tagging out Bee Bee Ellis...

and Munson passes him the ball

immediately.

Downtown dribbles the ball through

his legs... I love it when he does that.

He's making mincemeat

of his defender here.

Downtown!

If you want it!

If you... Only if you want it!

You don't want it, I can feel it.

You don't want it, OK.

That's right, Nets.

You're not gonna stop it.

Believe me, we don't stop it in practice.

- Let's do it!

- Come on, come on, come on!

- Go!

- You got it.

He tosses a three...

And, yes!

- Wow! That was quite a shot.

- Pounce!

Yeah!

At halftime, it's the Nets 62...

Flint Tropics 43.

All right, everybody,

let's hear it for Tropical time...

and let's hear it for Busch Bavarian.

If you're gonna drink a beer, you

might as well make it Busch Bavarian.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I want you to welcome this man...

who's gonna attempt the impossible...

the $10,000 free throw...

from the other side of the court.

The Moon shot.

- Right on.

- All right. Tell everybody...

- what's your name?

- Dukes.

- All right, Dukes.

- Dukes!

- Dukes, where ya from?

- Flint, Michigan...

and I never missed a game!

Go!

Dukes is homegrown.

I think you're on a little somethin'

that's homegrown maybe, huh?

We're havin' fun.

Dukes, what do you do for a livin'?

Nothin' right now.

OK.

Layin' low.

Dukes is excited!

So am I.

Come on, let's go, people.

Let's get it goin'.

Cheer this guy on

as he prepares for the impossible.

Well, we've got

an especially dirty hippie here...

down on the court tryin' to sink

an impossible shot.

This is human drama at its best.

He's just focusing, taking a moment

to concentrate. That's OK.

Concentrate all you want.

- Come on, Dukes!

- All right.

- No!

- Yes!

Holy sh*t, I'm a miracle!

Yeah!

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