Sergeants 3 Page #3

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He should get out of this.

After all, he's an educated man

who can look forward to better things.

I mean, he's not at all like Chip and I,

you know?

We're used to constant fighting

and hardships.

And it's beginning to tell a little bit

on old Larry, don't you think so?

Mike, I'm so glad to hear you say that.

And you're so right, isn't he, Larry?

Well, dear? Isn't he?

He's probably thinking about that cozy

little home you're going to have.

Fireplace.

Maybe a little kitty-cat on the rug.

CHIP:
Slippers.

And a smoking jacket.

Peace and solid comfort, right?

Mortgage.

Don't pay him any mind, he's just jesting.

You know, Larry, it's a wonderful thing

having understanding friends like this.

Excuse me.

Sergeant.

- Nice party, eh, Boswell?

- Yes, very nice party.

You see, Mike and me,

we've been meaning to talk to you.

Talk to me?

- Sure. You see, you're staff and...

- We're horse barn.

And, you know,

we don't get a chance to see each other.

And I figure since we're gonna

be comrades, you know, together...

That's very nice of you, gentlemen.

But it's true. It's true, Sergeant.

We wanna be one big happy family.

- That's the way we want it.

- Well, I'm...

- I'm glad you bear me no ill will.

- No!

I was merely doing my duty

as a soldier, you know.

- As we all must do.

- True, Sergeant, true.

Hey, Chip,

did you tell him about our secret?

You see, a few of the fellas,

we got together, we chipped in,

and we took up a collection. We, sort of,

got some fine drinking whiskey.

- That's against regulations.

- Sergeant!

Well...

- On a night like this...

- Right this way. Come on, Sergeant.

Bar.

- Water, Sergeant?

- No, thank you.

Eh?

I always use a little tonic, myself,

so I'll just take a little pinch of it.

There we are.

To the expedition, gentlemen.

To its success and its return.

- We could be busted for this, you know?

- Oh, Sarge.

(PEOPLE CLAPPING)

Excellent whiskey! Excellent!

I don't wish to seem forward but...

May I?

Oh, why, sure you may, Sarge.

Comradeship. Good fellowship.

It's wonderful to have in the army.

It's good for morale of the men.

- Don't you think so, Sergeant?

- I'm glad we've finally become friends.

I'm not a bad fella, really. Just dedicated.

Dedicated.

To dedication!

That's the best whiskey I have ever tasted.

Well...

See, you know, we know

you're a dedicated sergeant and

in the Colonel's confidence.

Well, the reason we didn't get together,

you're staff,

and I guess we sort of resented it.

I hope that's at an end.

Okay. Little more tonic.

Sergeant,

let us not be selfish with the tonic.

Why, certainly.

Thank you, Sergeant.

Men,

I am staff, and you are horse barn.

However,

when we meet the enemy, I assure you...

Oh, yes. Here's the book.

Now, Larry,

you stay right there and stand still.

Oh.

Here, girls.

Let's pretend these are your bouquets.

One for you.

(CLEARING THROAT)

One for you, one for you.

Now, stand up straight and look beautiful.

And then... Oh, no, you're the Colonel.

Here. Here, dear.

- Now, stand up straight and smile.

- Yes, Mama.

Now come on down, darling.

- And take the Colonel's left arm.

- Yes, Mama.

That's right. Now...

Music!

(HERE COMES THE BRIDE

PLAYING ON PIANO)

(HUMMING)

- Oh, and there's Sergeant...

- I'm the best man.

That's right, you're the best man.

- There's the minister.

- I'm the preacher Wallingham.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Jenny, let's have no levity.

Oh, Mama,

Jenny was only having a little fun.

- Oh, please don't start crying.

- Amelia, naturally your mother's upset.

- Larry, dear, I'm awfully sorry.

- Oh, Larry.

He understands me better

than my own daughter.

(ALL CLAMORING)

(MRS. PARENT CRYING)

Wait a minute, please don't...

Report for duty?

What happened to Boswell?

Sergeant Boswell came down with a...

He had a gastric attack.

Gastric attack?

Sorry, ma'am

but he's got to report at once.

Larry? What is it? What does it mean?

It means my two wonderful friends,

my pals, can't seem to get along

without me.

You're gonna have to go

on the expedition?

- That's right.

- Oh, Larry.

I knew they'd figure a way.

- Do you mean Mike and Chip did this?

- Nobody else.

Well, Larry, that's outrageous!

Well, dear, can't you do something

about it? Talk to someone.

- Talk to the Colonel.

- That wouldn't do any...

Maybe it would.

Amelia,

would you mind being in a town,

alone, with 36 men?

No, Larry. Not if you're there.

I'll be there.

Amelia! Amelia!

Whoa!

- Thank you, Private Danvers.

- My pleasure, Miss Parent.

Larry.

Oh, Larry!

- I'm so glad to see you.

- I thought the days would never go by.

- Ain't that cute?

- It's sickening.

Howdy, ma'am.

Welcome to Medicine Bend.

Thank you. Sure good to get here.

It was a rough ride.

Yeah, the boys fixed you up

a real nice place.

(CLEARS THROAT)

- All to yourself.

- They did?

- Well, thank you, Mike, Chip.

- You're welcome.

Well, it's right over here.

- How long is she gonna stay?

- Overnight.

Gonna be a long night.

You just gonna stand around

and let her take him away like that?

- In here?

- Nicest place in town for you.

- Combs, mirror.

- Lovely. Just lovely.

Look.

Hot water.

Bathtub.

And we hung the drapes.

Oh, Jonah, he picked the wildflowers.

Oh, Larry.

Oh, Larry.

- Amelia, Amelia, what's the matter?

- Nothing. It's just so sweet.

(DOG BARKING)

Larry, aren't you off duty yet?

Two minutes and 15 seconds.

- Sergeant Chip.

- One hand of blackjack.

No, no, no, no.

I've been looking all over for you.

Caleb and I got something important

to tell you.

- Go ahead, Caleb, tell him about it.

- It's about the Wanag Wacipi.

- The what?

- The Ghost Dancers.

Ghost Dancers?

(DOOR CLOSES)

12:
00, all is well, and I'm off duty.

- All right, so you're off duty.

- Off my last duty.

Pretty soon I'll be back east.

Nice clean office, no Indians, no dust.

No danger.

- Oh, Mike...

- Yeah?

I don't quite know how to say this,

after all we've been through together.

Go ahead and say it.

You're a louse!

Mike!

- Hey, Mike.

- Get out of here, I've got work to do.

Work? Wait till you hear what I

gotta tell you, you'll forget about work.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna make a hero out of you,

a hero out of me

and a hero out of good old Larry.

What are you talking about?

What's the biggest danger

this country is in right now?

- I don't know.

- Ghost Dancers!

- Ghost Dancers?

- Yeah.

And I know

where their medicine man hangs out.

Huh?

- You know what?

- I know where they hang out.

So, you and me and good old Larry,

we jump on our horses,

we ride out there and we creep in,

we grab them.

No more Ghost Dancers. No leaders.

No chain of command. No medicine man.

No Ghost Dancers. How about that?

See, I knew you'd be interested, Mike.

Now, look, when we get this guy,

we bring him back here, right?

And we put him under heavy guard.

You send a courier to the fort,

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