Serious Moonlight Page #4

trying to get pregnant.

I counted the meals.

What?

When we came up here, sometimes

the meals were so strained ...

I would count them.

I hated them.

I started counting them to see how

many of them were left in the day.

You stopped loving me.

I never knew.

You know, I tried to pretend

it wasn't happening.

I thought if I could pretend

it wasn't happening,

maybe smell would go away.

And then you met Sara.

And then I met Sara.

And you succumbed to her.

I succumbed.

I don't believe

you really love that woman.

Not really.

You can believe anything

you want, but ...

I'm going to Paris with her.

I guarantee you I will be

on that plane tomorrow.

I still guarantee you won't.

And I am going to propose

that she be my wife.

- Naw, you are not!

- Oh, I certainly am.

- No, you are not!

- Yes I am.

And I am telling you now

there is no way ...

Could you please will me alone.

I need to use the bathroom.

Not that this isn't fun.

Oh, God.

Excuse me?

Have you ever heard of the

"Stockholm Syndrome"?

Yes.

Hostage falls in love

with their captor.

Yes.

It's gonna take something

much bigger.

An act of God, really.

Now please, close the door?

Close the door, Louise.

Close it!

Close the door!

Lake Kashimi,

the trip we fell in love.

Do you remember?

Oh, your first office.

Remember I came by to put

your name on the door?

- That was nice of you.

- Yeah.

- And there um ...

- The night I proposed to you.

- In front of "El Troubadours".

- Yes.

Hm, you said "Yes".

Yes, without hesitation,

you were sweating,

I felt so bad for you.

Well, I was scared you'd say "No".

I said "Yes",

like 17 times in a row.

- No, this just isn't fair, Lou.

- It is, it is.

It's more than fair, it's fact.

That was the day

we painted our house.

- Was that after we got married?

- No, no, it was just before.

Do you remember, Ian?

Turn it off, Louise.

- I'm not finished yet.

- Yeah, but I am finished.

It doesn't matter

what you show me.

We are not those people anymore.

Oh, yes we are.

None of the slides

you have shown me,

are from the last 10 years.

I mean, where are those slides?

We don't have them.

Whatever we had

that was so special,

just doesn't exist anymore.

We just need to make more slides.

No, no more slides, no.

No more anything.

No more life together.

In fact from this moment on I just

gonna scream and be as unpleasant ...

as possible ...

until you let me f***ing go!

Ian, stop.

She is a lunatic!

- Help, help!

- Stop it, Ian!

If you can hear me,

I am a hostage here taped

to a toilet!

Help!

Please come and help me!

Hel ...

You look very nice, Louise.

Thank you.

I haven't seen you in a sexy

dress in quite a long time.

Doesn't change things of course?

What is the guitar for?

I'm gonna play and sing the song.

Please don't.

I am going to serenade you,

like we did when we first met,

and you are going to like it.

God, I'm so embarrassed

for you right now.

Will you just listen, Ian!

Oh, God, no, no ...

Louise, this is beyond.

It's just so not working,

put the guitar away.

Sh*t! How does it go? Wait.

Well, I would applaud,

but you made that impossible.

You could applaud with your face.

Does it look like

I'm applauding with my face?

No.

You knocked me out cold

and you taped me to a toilet.

Your romance is

completely lost on me.

I mean, it's more like torture.

That's gonna take a miracle.

Nothing less.

And since we both know the odds of

something other-worldly happening here,

Why don't you let me go?

No.

- Louise, just give up.

- I won't.

How are you doin'?

Bored and angry. I wanna wring

your f***ing neck, same as before.

Just checking.

Listen, I am gonna be going

to the market in town,

'cause I'm gonna make you a

really fancy romantic dinner.

Any request?

Could you get me my cell-phone

and then why don't you drop dead.

You don't mean that, baby.

The only way I would eat your

fancy romantic dinner ...

is if you would force-feed

it down my throat.

Help!

Help.

994, 995 ...

996, 997, 998, 999 ...

Up here, help!

Help!

Help!

Help!

Hello.

Are you there? Help!

Help ...!

Please shut the f*** up.

I am trying to rob you.

What?

I said shut up or I'll bash

your stupid head in.

Talk about an easy target.

Coming to your house and the owner

is already tied up for you.

That's a beautiful,

beautiful thing.

Ah, proof of a higher power

if you ask me.

You are never going

to get away with this.

I told you to shut up, man.

Thank you.

Excuse me, sir,

do you happen to have

any cash on you?

No, I don't.

- You don't have any cash?

- No, I have no cash.

You sure you don't have any cash?

God!

- It's in my wallet in my pants.

- Wallet in your pants?

Look at you, man.

You're taped to a f***ing toilet.

Not that I care really,

but who did this to you?

- My wife.

- P*ssy, that's perfect!

Holy sh*t!

Your f***ing wife taped

to a goddamn toilet.

What a day you are having, huh?

You must feel pretty humiliated.

Yup.

See, here is the difference

between you and me, man.

Whenever I get the urge

to get married,

I grab my balls and I squeeze them

until I can't feel my legs,

and then it just passes.

- What did you do to her?

- Excuse me?

Your wife to make her tape you to a toilet

you must have done something to her.

Well, that's none of your business.

I am so interested in

human nature, like

what makes people do

the things that they do?

My girlfriend thinks that

I'll be a philosopher.

I got a stereo about "Love".

Do you wanna hear it?

Ah, no.

I think that love

is an experiment ...

by a higher power. Call it God

or whatever you want, but ...

I think it's still being worked out.

You know, the kinks.

It's not complete,

it's like a test.

Brilliant.

Listen to me. If love is a test,

then you are failing, Ok.

And in the grand-scheme of things

that makes you a failure.

No, that does not make me a failure.

You promised this woman ...

that you would love her for

the rest of your life, right?

And clearly you

are failing at that.

You failed her, yeah man,

you are a failure.

Who are you to judge me?

You are a criminal.

F*** you, man,

I am an honest person.

I never pretend to be

anything I'm not.

And I would never promise

anyone the moon ...

and then mean only, until I am

tired of giving you the moon.

Never.

So you think about that ...

while I'm loading your

belongings into my van.

P*ssy loser.

- Who the f*** is that?

- Louise.

Ah, sh*t!

Oh, no.

Hello, my love!

I'm home.

Please, God, don't hurt her!

Don't hurt her!

Oh, my God, is she dead?

She definitely looks dead.

What did you do to her?

What did you do to her?

Ah, I just made it very, very quiet.

It was fun.

Want me to do it to you?

You know what we need?

I wished we had matching toilet, say,

for two. That would be pretty funny.

Sh*t, nice tit's.

Mind if I squeeze

them a little bit?

- Don't you touch her!

- Or what?

- What, are you gonna urinate on yourself?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes