Sex, Death and Bowling

Since its inception in 1951,

the Masters has been a showcase event.

Competition always is keen among

the huge field of participants,

who bowl in qualifying play for one

of 63 positions in the match play final.

The defending champion

is exempt from qualifying.

As usual the event has

attracted bowling's elite,

including Master's champions.

My grandfather told me

that Earl Anthony was the greatest

bowler that every lived.

He used to watch videos of

him with my dad and Uncle Sean

when they were kids.

Earl was a left-handed

bowler... a south paw,

my grandfather said... who kept

his hair short and his glasses

on.

He was square... so

square the other bowlers

called him Square Earl.

He won 43 titles in his life.

In 1975, he was the first

bowler to earn over $100,000.

And in '82, he was the

first to make over $1 million

in lifetime earnings.

And in 2000, he was named

Master of the Millennium

by "Bowling Magazine. "

On August 14, 2001, he

fell down a flight of stairs

at a friend's house and died.

After everything he'd done,

he hit his head on the floor

and that was it.

The great Earl Anthony gone forever.

That got me to thinking.

What happens to us when we die?

Are we just gone...

finito, kaput?

Or do we live on forever?

And if we do, where do we go?

Where had the greatest

bowler of all time gone?

Where was Earl Anthony?

Eli, we've been talking for a while now,

and I want to help.

But maybe you should tell

me the reason you're here.

The reason I'm here... well,

my family's Presbyterian,

but we don't go to church.

Because honestly it's just

not a very satisfying religion,

so I'm thinking of becoming Catholic.

And for me the whole idea of

an afterlife is very appealing.

Presbyterians believe

in heaven and hell.

Well, yes, but not purgatory.

I like the idea that if you mess up,

you go somewhere and do

whatever to make up for it.

And then you go to heaven.

I just kind of want to

know what would constitute

truly evil... because

for me... truly evil

is kind of a game changer.

Have you done something

you want to tell me about?

No.

Would you say killing

someone would be truly evil?

Have you killed someone?

No.

But what if someone was

about to kill your mother?

And you had to make a

choice... kill him or let

him kill your mother?

There's really no choice, now is there?

You have to kill him.

Now I say that's a

purgatory-heaven situation.

What do you say?

Well, it used to be you

could count on your sports

seasons in this country.

Now you've got fall

baseball, soccer...

which never quits...

and now lacrosse,

squeezing itself in wherever it can.

I mean, are we even in America anymore?

Yo know it's an Indian game.

What, lacrosse?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, let me guess...

we stole it from them.

Sometimes I think you take

that whole my grandmother was

an American Indian

thing a little too far.

McAllister Sports?

Oh, hey, Hal.

Sure.

Hey, Hal.

What?

Well, no.

No, I know he's your son-in-law,

Hal, but does he even bowl?

OK.

OK.

Well, how bad is Jesus?

Yeah, no, I'm fine with it.

I'll see you there.

What... what

happened?

Jesus sawed off the tips of

his middle and his index finger

on a job... on his

bowling hand no less.

He's in a cast for three weeks...

right before the Fiesta Cup.

Thanks, Jesus.

Thanks.

Thank you.

I'm sure he didn't mean to.

Aw, I mean, come on.

Even on his best days Jesus

could never replace Rick.

But I thought, you know, maybe

we might still have a shot,

but now we've got Hal's son-in law who

bowled a little in high school.

I'm sorry.

No, I... I... I just

feel bad for Eli is all.

I got to go.

He likes meeting me at the alley.

You know, he's great at

keeping stats that kid.

How much of an athlete though.

You know, Sean's probably at Rick's.

You want to stop by there first?

No, Eli'll be waiting for me.

Hey. wait a minute.

Have a good practice.

Ow.

Where you going, midget?

Wolf, just leave me alone.

I...

Are you going to stop me?

Yeah, like that's going to happen.

Not.

I already did your math homework.

And I was thinking maybe you

could write my history report.

What?

Hey!

I told you go to store.

I'm going.

Who's this?

Just a friend from school.

You got a name?

Eli McAllister, sir.

Ain't I seen you around a bowling alley?

I keep stats for my

grandpa's bowling team.

Dick McAllister's your grandpa?

Yes, sir.

So that means your

dad's Rick McAllister?

Yes, sir.

Now, your dad and grandpa used

to kick our asses in the Fiesta

Cup.

You know I went to high

school with your dad.

I didn't know that.

What the hell are you still doing here?

Go!

It's a f***ed up world, kid.

I'm sorry, sir?

You're dad... a

decorated war hero

and a hell of a ball

player... gets sick.

You're freaking uncle

makes more money than God.

You give your dad my best.

You tell your grandpa

we're going to take

the cup of his hands this year.

Hey.

Where's Eli?

He's at the bowling alley with your dad.

He's keeping stats for the tournament.

He told me.

Said the cup is as good as ours already.

Hey.

How we doing?

Hmm?

OK.

Yeah?

Mm-hmm.

Were you able to get a nap at all?

Mm-mm.

No?

How's your pain?

Not so bad.

Could we just...

he just woke up?

It's good to stay ahead of it.

All right.

Play me something.

I can't believe you had

that thing brought in here.

Music.

You.

One in the same to me.

Hey, Sean.

OK, Mr. Big Shot over here.

OK, everybody calm down.

No, no, no.

Sorry, you're not old

enough. -Neither are you.

Dude... she's the

same age as I am.

Well, yeah, but you're

driving us all home.

I'll drive.

Lucky.

Glenn, have a beer with me.

I can't.

I have a bio test in the morning.

I know when we were not wanted.

Give me that.

Oh, come on, man.

What the f*** are you doing here?

What?

You f***ing deaf?

You're always f***ing hanging around

like some f***ing baby puppy.

Knock it off, Tim.

No, seriously, this is a football party.

There's no sophomores

on the football team.

It's Rick's little brother, man.

So?

This turned into a family picnic?

I could have brung my

little brother along.

Oh, yeah?

Well, unfortunately, Tim, they

only allow one retard per party

and you're already here.

Hey!

What?

You want some, huh?

Come on.

You got something to say,

just say it to me a**hole.

Say it to me!

I'm Sean.

Hi.

Come on up, from hospice.

Come on in.

They've, uh... they've

been expecting you.

Glenn set up a room for you.

Right here.

You're, uh, much better

looking in person.

Huh?

The "GQ" article.

Um, pictures don't do you justice.

Thanks.

Is Glenn here?

Yeah, she's with your brother.

Come on.

When was last time you saw your brother?

A while.

Well, his cancer's fairly advanced

so he's pretty distressed physically.

Sean.

I'm so glad you came.

Yeah, he's on a morphine drug.

And Anna's giving him more now, so he

sleeps... most

of the time.

What'd the doctor say?

No more doctors.

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