Sex and the Other Woman

[WHISTLING]

[FROG CROAKING]

[CROAKING CONTINUES]

[TWIGS CRUNCHING, SNAPPING]

[CRUNCHING, SNAPPING CONTINUE]

[BRANCH SNAPS]

[WHISTLING]

[CONTINUES]

[LOUD BANGING]

[CLICK]

[BOY LAUGHING]

[RING RATTLING IN CAN]

Cripes! It's old lady Rowe!

Come on.

- [RUG BEATING CONTINUES]

- Holland?

- Holland!

- Keep watch.

[BOY]

It's okay. Go ahead.

Cripe's sake! Hurry up!

[GASPS]

- Aha! I finally caught you, Holland Perry!

- I'm Niles!

I don't care if you're Franklin

Delano Roosevelt, the dirty Democrat!

- You stay out of my piccalilli farrago!

- [GRUNTING]

Let me go! Let me go!

No sass, boy. No sass!

You're gonna go in there

and clean up that mess. Hear me?

[SQUEAKING]

[SCREAMING]

Rats! Rats! Rats!

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

Hundreds of rats! My God!

We'll all be down

with bubonic plague!

Holland Perry, I'm going to

tell your father on you!

Set your foot on my farm, Holland Perry,

and I'll do more than take my rug beater to ya!

Do you hear?

I'm going to tell your father on you!

Geez, someone oughta

tell her Father's dead.

Let's go. Apple cellar!

Wait! Cousin Piggy's out there.

Hey, Winnie! There's Niles!

Niles!

Niles! Niles Perry,!

You know your grandmother doesn't want

you boys playing in that barn!

Niles, do you hear me?

You'll miss lunch.

Get on up here right now.

[SINGSONG]

Niles, files, run 20 miles!

Tee-legged, tie-legged,

bow-legged Niles!

Little pitchers has got big lips.

- Where you been?

- [NILES] Around.

- [ENGINE IDLING]

- Hi, Uncle George.

What say, skipper?

Great day for the race, isn't it?

- What race?

- [CHUCKLING] The human race!

What's got into Mrs. Rowe?

I never heard

such a caterwaulin'.

Thank God I don't have to work

for that crazy old thing.

There's one of

my sunshine boys now.

Hi, Aunt Vee.

Why don't you boys set up the card table

in the parlor, where it's cool...

and play mah-jongg?

Christ, Valeria,

kids don't wanna play mah-jongg.

It's summertime.

They wanna go ride old lady Rowe's cow.

Or is that udder nonsense?

- Yowsah, yowsah!

- Oh! George!

Russell, you'd better go hose off...

or you're gonna catch flies.

- Hey, Rider!

- [HORN HONKS]

Toonerville Trolley's leaving!

Niles, go tell that brother-in-law of yours

to get out here.

- We're both gonna get fired.

- Yowsah!

Yowsah! Yowsah!

Yowsah! Yowsah!

Yowsah! Yowsah!

Hi, Rider.

Hi, Sis.

[RIDER]

Hey, kiddo.

Eat! I swear, you kids must think

I'm runnin' a restaurant around here.

- What's playing at the movies?

- Bet we saw it.

I'll bet we didn't.

We saw it- Naughty Marietta

and Murder in the Blue Room.

- [UNCLE GEORGE] Come on, Rider!

- Comin'!

You take care

of the son and heir.

It's not gonna be a boy.

It's gonna be a girl. I told ya!

I know you told me,

but you don't say how you know.

He knows. Last year, on Mother's birthday,

he predicted a storm.

- And what did we get?

- Hail!

Hail Columbia is what somebody's gonna get

if they don't eat.

Eat!

- Rider!

- Oh, honey, bring home some sarsaparilla.

- I have a craving.

- God. Pregnant women.

Can I tune in?

Sure.

Yowsah. It's gonna be a girl.

You witch.

[GIGGLES]

What's in the oven?

Ah! Them is

your grandmother's surprise.

Eat!

[SIGHS]

Alexandra is ready for lunch.

Yes, ma'am. I know.

Let me take it up.

You're gonna have to sit

with Mrs. Alexander.

Make her eat.

Otherwise she won't touch a thing.

Niles, put the paper

under my arm.

Mmm!

That'll only upset her.

- Tell Mother I'll read to her later.

- All right.

Ouch! Oh!

Did ya eat?

Did ya eat?

[RING RATTLING IN CAN]

Holland.

Holland. You in here?

Damn you. What are you doing

in the dark anyway?

I'm thinking.

Close the door.

[NILES]

Thinking? About what?

Old lady Rowe.

Damned old b*tch!

What is it?

A snowman.

Ada made it.

People always call it a hawk.

It's really a peregrine falcon.

Peregrine for Perry.

It is my ring, isn't it?

You gave it to me, didn't you?

Cripe's sake, yes.

I gave it to ya.

Now, will you forget

about the ring.

Just wanted to make sure.

Look, the ring

was granddaddy's.

When he died, it went to Father,

'cause he was the oldest.

Then when Father got killed

I got it...

because I was the oldest.

Only by 20 minutes.

I'm still the oldest.

So I can do anything

I want to do with it. Can't I?

I told you you can have it.

It's yours, and I don't ever want it back.

What about this?

Shut up about that.

If you ever tell anybody on me-

- [SLAM]

- Shh! Listen!

[KNOCKING]

I thought so.

You are playing in here.

You know we're not supposed to.

What's that?

That's Grandpa Perry's ring...

and it's supposed

to be buried.

I'm gonna tell. You just wait until

my daddy gets home.

You just see if I don't tell.

[GRUNTING]

[FOOTSTEPS RUNNING AWAY]

Holland.

H-He saw the ring.

I know.

Don't worry, little brother.

- He's gonna tell Uncle George.

- No, he's not.

You can have the ring back.

This too.

Take 'em.

I don't want 'em, Niles.

I gave 'em to you.

Come on, little brother.

Let's get outta here.

[HOLLAND WHISTLING]

[NILES WHISPERS]

Father.

- Father.

- Hey, Niles! What you doin'? Now, come on!

[DOOR SLAMS]

I'm gonna tell!

[WHISTLING]

Only Piggy Lookadoo

would have rats for pets.

Rats for a rat.

[SQUEAKING]

Come on, Holland.

Let's get outta here.

[SQUEAKING CONTINUES]

You killed it, Holland.

You killed it.

Mother!

Mother!

Niles.

- [LAUGHS]

- Mother, you came down.

So I did.

Are these for me?

Yes. Just for you.

How lovely.

From Ada's garden?

Mm-hmm.

Mother, come and sit.

Please sit and talk.

- But I'm not dressed.

- No one will see.

- Just the two of us.

- All right.

It's all right,

Mother. Please!

No.

I can't. Not today.

What have you been

doing today?

Oh.

[SIGHS]

Reading, as usual.

You still reading

The Good Earth?

Forever The Good Earth.

The librarian says

she'll get Anthony Adverse.

Maybe Monday.

Monday.

Now, what's today? Wednesday.

I hope the ashes went out.

It's Friday- fish night.

And it's summer.

No ashes.

[CHUCKLING]

Of course. How stupid!

Your birthdays are in March.

I remember.

You and Holland both

got those cowboy outfits...

with the fancy stitching

on the boots and-

What's that?

Just some stuff.

It was Father's.

[OBJECTS RATTLING IN CAN]

Mother, are you okay?

[CHUCKLES]

Yes, of course, darling.

[AUNT VEE]

Russell!

Russell!

Niles, I need a spool

of mercerized cotton.

Can Russell borrow your bicycle

and go to town and get it?

Sure, Aunt Vee,

only it's got a flat.

- Can he borrow Holland's then?

- Sure, Aunt Vee.

Thank you, dear.

Russell!

Russell!

Russell, where are you?

Answer me!

I'm king of the mountain!

I'm king of the mountain!

Hey, Piggy! Your mother

wants you to go to the store.

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

[HARMONICA]

Piggy Lookadoo's

gonna ride your bike!

[CONTINUES]

[WOMAN]

Dushechka. Dushechka!

Baboushka!

Dobryi dyen, baboushka.

Dobryi dyen.

What are you doing there

all by yourself? Did you fish?

Not yet.

Summer sure is long.

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