Shallow Grave

INT. DAY

A blurred image forms on a white screen. A horizontal strip of

face, eyes motionless and unblinking.

DAVID:

(voice-over)

Take trust, for instance, or friendship: these are the important

things in life, the things that matter, that help you on your

way. If you can't trust your friends, well, what then?

EXT. DAWN

A series of fast-cut static scenes of empty streets.

DAVID:

(voice-over)

This could have been any city: they're all the same.

A rapid, swerving track along deserted streets and down narrow

lanes and passageways. Accompanied by soundtrack and credits.

The track ends outside a solid, fashionable Edinburgh tenement.

INT. STAIRWELL. DAY

At the door of a flat on the third floor of the tenement. The

door is dark, heavy wood and on it is a plastic card embossed

with the names of three tenants. They are Alex Law, David

Stevens, and Juliet Miller.

A man climbs the stairs and reaches the door. He is Cameron

Clarke, thin and in his late twenties with a blue anorak and

lank, greasy hair. He is carrying an awkwardly bulky plastic bag.

Cameron gives the doorbell an ineffectual ring and then stands

back, shifting nervously from foot to foot until the door is

answered.

CAMERON:

Hello, I've come about the room.

Cameron enters and the door closes.

INT. LIVING ROOM. DAY

David, Alex, and Juliet sit in a line on the sofa directly

opposite Cameron, who shifts uneasily in his armchair. Alex

checks some items on a clipboard before speaking.

ALEX:

What's his name?

DAVID:

I don't know -- Campbell or something?

JULIET:

Cameron.

ALEX:

Cameron?

JULIET:

Yes.

ALEX:

(to Juliet)

Really?

CAMERON:

That's right.

ALEX:

(to Cameron)

What?

Cameron is not sure what to say.

ALEX:

(continued)

Well, Cameron, are you comfortable?

CAMERON:

Yes, thanks.

ALEX:

Good. Well, you've seen the flat?

CAMERON:

Yes.

ALEX:

And you like it?

CAMERON:

Oh, yes, it's great.

ALEX:

Yes. It is, isn't it? We alllike it. And the room's nice too,

don't you think?

CAMERON:

Yes.

ALEX:

Spacious, quiet, bright, well appointed, all that sort of stuff,

all that crap.

CAMERON:

Well, yes.

ALEX:

So tell me, Cameron, what on earth -- just tell me, because I

want to know -- what on earth could make you think that we would

want to share a flat like this with someone like you?

INT. STAIRWELL. DAY

As Cameron plods slowly down the stairs, his shoes striking out

against the stone steps, Alex's criticisms continue.

ALEX:

(voice-over)

I mean, my first impression, and they're rarely wrong, is that

you have none of the qualities that we would normally seek in a

prospective flatmate. I'm talking here about things like

presence, charisma, style and charm, and I don't think we're

being unreasonable. Take David here, for instance: a chartered

accountant he may be, but at least he tries hard. The point is, I

don't think you're even trying.

Cameron has reached the bottom of the stairs. He opens the main

door.

ALEX:

(continued)

And, Cameron -- I mean this -- good luck!

Cameron leaves and the main door closes behind him.

ALEX:

(continued)

Do you think he was upset?

INT. STAIRWELL. DAY

Inside the hall of the flat, David approaches the door toopen it.

Freeze-frame.

ALEX:

(voice-over)

David likes to keep spareshoelaces in sorted pairs in a box

marked, not just shoelaces', but spare shoelaces'.

David opens the door to the Woman.

WOMAN:

I've come to see about the room.

INT. STAIRWELL. DAY

Outside the door of the flat a young Goth girl, aged about

twenty, rings the doorbell.

INT. HALL. DAY

Inside the hall of the flat Alex approaches the door to open it.

Freeze-frame.

JULIET:

(voice-over)

Alex is a vegetarian. Do you know why? Because he feels it

provides an interesting counterpoint to his otherwise callous

personality. It doesn't. He thinks he's the man for me. He isn't,

though there was a time when, well, there was a time when...

Alex opens the door to the Goth.

GOTH:

I've come about the room.

INT. STAIRWELL. DAY

At the door of the flat a Man aged about thrity-five rings the

bell.

INT. HALL. DAY

Inside the hall of the flat Juliet approaches the door to open

it. Freeze-frame.

DAVID:

(voice-over)

Like one of those stupid posters -- you know, a gorilla cuddling

a hedgehog, caption love hurts --- that's what I think when I

think of Juliet.

Juliet opens the door to the Man.

MAN:

I've come about the room.

INT. LIVING ROOM. DAY

In the living room each of the candidates is interviewed

individually with the same seating arrangements as before (i.e.

the trio on the sofa and the applicant on the chair). What we see

are briskly intercut excerpts from each of these interviews. We

do not get the responses to the questions, although we may see

some facial reaction.

All of David's questions are to the Woman.

All of Alex's questions are to the Goth.

All of Juliet's questions are to the Man.

DAVID:

All right, just a few questions.

ALEX:

I'd like to ask you about your hobbies.

JULIET:

Why do you want a room here?

DAVID:

Do you smoke?

ALEX:

When you slaughter a goat and wrench its heart out with your bare

hands, do you then summon hellfire?

JULIET:

I mean, what are you actually doing here? What is the hidden

agenda?

DAVID:

Do a little freebasemaybe, from time to time?

ALEX:

Or maybe just phone out for a pizza?

JULIET:

Look, it's a fairly straightforward question. You're either

divorced or you're not.

DAVID:

OK, I'm going to play you just a few seconds of this tape -- I'd

like you to name the song, the lead singer and the three hit

singles subsequently recorded by him with another band.

ALEX:

When you get up in the morning, how do you decide what shade of

black to wear?

JULIET:

Now, let me get this straight. This affair that you're not

having, is it not with a man or not with a woman?

DAVID:

Turning very briefly to the subject of corporate finance -- no,

this is important. Leveraged buy-outs -- a good thing or a bad

thing?

ALEX:

With which of the following figures do you most closely identify:

Joan of Arc, Eva Braun or Marilyn Monroe?

JULIET:

It's just that you strike me as a man trapped in a crisis of

emotional direction, afflicted by a realization that the partner

of your dreams is, quite simply, just that.

DAVID:

Did you ever kill a man?

ALEX:

And when did anyone last say to you these exact words: You are

the sunshine of my life'?

JULIET:

OK, so A has left you, B is ambivalent, you're still seeing C but

D is the one you yearn for. What are we to make of this? If I

were you, I'd ditch the lot. There's a lot more letters in the

alphabet of love.

DAVID:

And what if I told you that I was the antichrist?

INT. SQUASH COURT. EVENING

In a sports centre Juliet sits outside a glass-walled squash

court. She is ready to play, but at present is watching Alex and

David, who are inside the court.

INT. SQUASH COURT. EVENING

Inside the squash court, Alex is about to serve.

ALEX:

Squash is often used as a metaphor to represent a struggle for

personal domination.

DAVID:

Serve.

ALEX:

I was trying to educate you.

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