Shanghai Express

- Has the Shanghai Express gone?

- No, madam.

I want a ticket to Shanghai, first class.

35 dollars and 25 cents, madam.

- Is there a dining car this time?

- Yes, everything but a Turkish bath.

Hm!

Shanghai, first class, please.

- What you got in that basket, missus?

- A little lunch from my niece.

- No animals in there?

- I hope not!

Good morning, sir.

Porter! Come in here.

Excuse me, sir.

- Yes, sir?

- I won't share with this woman.

- Change it tonight.

- Change me now.

I haven't lived here for ten years

not to know a woman like that.

Take my luggage out of here.

- Here you are, Harvey.

- Thanks very much.

- You're in for a good time.

- Why?

Do you know who's on this train?

Shanghai Lily.

- Who's Shanghai Lily?

- Don't say you've never heard of her.

She's a notorious coaster.

What in the name of Confucius

is a coaster?

You're hopeless. It's a woman who lives

by her wits along the China coast.

News boy!

Here, wait a bit.

This magazine says August 15th 1927.

- Yes, madam.

- But it's four years old.

Latest number, madam.

Is this 1931 or am I out of my mind?

Madame, je regrette

que je ne vous comprends pas.

Je ne parle pas anglais.

Parlez-vous franais?

Parlez-vous franais?

She oughta keep it for her history

and get an education.

Here we are, boy.

You'll be as glad to be at home as I will.

We know what year it is, don't we?

Be a good boy and don't make a noise

or they'll put you in the baggage car.

There you are, my lad. All clear till you meet

number two outside Tientsin.

I'll have the law on you

if you harm a bone in his head.

He's got to have his biscuits twice a day,

and nothing but boiled water!

Don't worry, Waffles, I'll look after you.

All aboard!

All aboard!

Well, we're off on time.

Say, partner, do you ever make a bet?

My name's Sam Salt.

I bet on everything going right or wrong.

I'll bet this old rattler

don't get into Shanghai on time.

Sir, let me remind you that China

is in a state of civil war

and we will be fortunate

if we arrive in Shanghai at all.

Nice stone you have there.

There's a mate to it.

Very pretty.

- C'est chaud ici, monsieur, n'est-ce pas?

- Yes, it is a little stuffy in here, isn't it?

Sir, I am an invalid, I must not travel

in a compartment with open windows.

We'll be in here for three days.

Is there anything I can do for you?

I can take care of myself, thank you.

I think I'll get a little air, if you don't mind.

I'll close the door for you, too.

Even money we don't get away for an hour.

Can you tell me what's wrong now?

You're in China now, sir,

where time and life have no value.

I know I'm in China.

Magdalen.

Well, Doctor,

I haven't seen you in a long time.

You haven't changed at all, Doctor.

Well, you've changed a lot, Magdalen.

Have I, Doc?

Do you mind me calling you Doc?

Or must I be... more respectful?

You never were respectful

and you always did call me Doc.

I didn't think I'd ever run into you again.

Have you thought of me much, Doc?

Let's see. Exactly how long has it been?

Five years and four weeks.

Well, for five years and four weeks

I've thought of nothing else.

You were always polite, Doc.

You haven't changed a bit.

You have, Magdalen.

You've changed a lot.

Have I lost my looks?

No, you're more beautiful than ever.

- How have I changed?

- I wish I could describe it.

Well, Doc, I've changed my name.

- Married?

- No.

It took more than one man

to change my name

to Shanghai Lily.

So you're Shanghai Lily.

The notorious white flower of China.

You heard of me.

And you always believed what you heard.

And I still do.

You see, I haven't changed at all.

It was nice to see you again, Magdalen.

Oh, I don't know.

I heard your gramophone, ladies,

and thought I'd come and get acquainted.

Come in.

It's a bit lonely on a train.

I'm used to having people around.

They put my dog in the baggage car.

That's why I dropped in on you.

I've been visiting my niece in Peking,

she married a seafarer.

He's been away four years

and she ain't been cheerful.

I have a boarding house in Shanghai.

Yorkshire pudding is my speciality.

I only take the most respectable people.

Don't you find respectable

people terribly... dull?

Are you joking?

I only know the most respectable people.

I keep a boarding house.

What kind of a house did you say?

A boarding house.

Ooh.

I'm sure you're very respectable, madam.

I must confess, I don't quite know

the standard of respectability

that you demand in your boarding house,

Mrs Haggerty.

I have made a terrible mistake.

I'd better look after me dog.

- I beg your pardon.

- I beg yours!

They shouldn't allow such women on a train.

What's wrong with them, Parson?

I imagine the honourable divine

objects to their morals.

I thought they were pretty good-looking.

At least, Shanghai Lily is.

You mean to say that Shanghai Lily

is on this train?

- Hot water, sir.

- It's about time.

Being a married man, I only know her

by sight and reputation.

But I'll lay you 100-1 in any currency

that the lady in the next compartment

is Shanghai Lily.

- Shanghai Lily.

- Is it a bet?

I told you once before, sir, no thank you.

I don't bet.

I'll bet you whatever you use for money

that those two dames are not

going to have an easy time on this train.

- Good evening.

- Good evening.

- Shall we be in Tientsin soon?

- About 11 tonight. Getting off there?

I wish I were. Unfortunately,

I have to proceed to Shanghai.

Why unfortunately?

I suppose every train carries its cargo of sin

but this train is burdened with

more than its share.

- Sir, you seem distressed.

- My name's Carmichael,

doctor of divinity in the service of mankind.

Whom have I the honour of addressing?

My name is Donald Harvey,

doctor of medicine

in the service of His Majesty.

Charming to make your acquaintance.

Dr Harvey, I want to put you on your guard.

On my guard? Why, what's wrong?

One is yellow, the other is white,

but both their souls are rotten.

You interest me, Mr Carmichael.

I'm not exactly irreligious but...

being a physician I sometimes wonder

how a man like you can locate a soul

and, having located it,

diagnose its condition as rotten.

That's heathen talk, Doctor.

Any man with half an eye could see

that those women are on this train

in search of victims.

Very grave charge. I don't know

the Chinese woman but the other lady...

Confound it, that's Shanghai Lily.

I've been attending a man

who went out of his mind

after spending every penny on her.

And that's not all. She's wrecked

a dozen men up and down China.

You're mistaken. She's a friend of mine.

If I were in your boots,

I wouldn't brag about it.

Dinner is served.

Well, I'm ready.

I was hoping that you would

take us into dinner.

You seem upset, Doctor.

No, not at all.

This is Captain Harvey.

Miss Hui Fei.

- I'm glad to meet you, Captain Harvey.

- It's a great pleasure.

- Good evening, folks.

- Good evening.

Time to put on the nosebag.

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