Shaun Of The Dead

Last orders, please.

- Shaun.

- Yeah?

- Do you see what I'm saying?

- Yeah, totally.

I know he's your best friend

but you do live with him.

I know...

It's not that I don't like Ed.

Ed, it's not that I don't like you.

It's all right.

- It'd just be nice if we could...

- F***.

...spend a bit more time together.

- Bollocks.

- Just the two of us.

- Cock it.

With Ed here, it's no wonder

I always bring my flatmates out

and that only exacerbates things.

- What do you mean?

- You guys hardly get on, do you?

No, what does "exacerbate" mean?

It means to make things worse.

Right, right.

Well, I mean, it's not that

I don't like David and Di, you know.

- Guys, it's not that I don't like you.

- It's all right.

And I do want to spend time with you.

It's just Ed doesn't have too many friends.

Can I get any of you c*nts a drink?

Anybody?

No, thank you.

I know...

friends are important to Shaun

but you must set some

quality time aside for yourselves.

Daffs is always taking me

to see these listed buildings

and I'm always dragging him to the theatre.

- I'm not so hot on theatre.

- How about a meal?

- It's your anniversary soon.

- It was last week.

- Did you do anything special?

- We came here.

Shaun. Hog lumps.

Shaun, what I'm trying to say is

I need something more,

more than spending every night

in the Winchester.

I want to do more interesting stuff.

I want you to want to want to do it.

Listen to me.

I'm beginning to sound like your mum.

- Not that I'd know.

- You haven't met his mum?

- Not yet.

- Don't you get along with your mum?

- It's not her...

- Are you ashamed by your mum, Shaun?

- No, I love my mum.

- I love his mum.

- # She's like butter #

- Ed!

- Shaun!

- Liz.

I understand what

you're trying to say and I agree.

We should get out there.

We'll start tomorrow.

I'll book a restaurant.

The place that does all the fish.

Just the two of us.

Things will change. I promise.

Really, Shaun?

Time, gentlemen.

- # This town is coming like a ghost town #

- Shaun?

'Player two has entered the game.'

Haven't you got work?

'Player two has left the game.'

The front door was open again last night.

- I'm not saying it was you.

- I know, man.

- I'm saying it was Ed.

- Right.

I can't live like this.

Look at the state of it.

We're not students any more.

- Pete...

- He brings no money into the house.

- He brings a bit.

- What? Dealing drugs?

He sells a bit of weed now and again.

You've sold puff.

Yeah, once. At college. To you.

I've known him since primary school.

I like having him around, he's a laugh.

Because he can

impersonate an orang-utan?

- F***-a-doodle-doo.

- Leave him alone.

I admit, he can be pretty funny on occasion.

Like that time we stayed up all night drinking

apple schnapps and playing Tekken 2.

- When was that?

- Five years ago.

When's he going home?

Hey, man, listen... Top left.

- Uh-huh.

- I was gonna say... Reload.

- I'm on it.

- Erm, since... Nice shot!

Thanks.

Two seconds.

- All right, Noodle?

- 'Got anything? '

- No, man.

- 'Eball says you was holding.'

- I ain't got nothing.

- 'Nothing at all? '

I've only got an 'enry meself.

All right, laters.

- Listen...

- Ed...

since you're not working at the moment

could you please clean up a bit?

And if you play the answer machine,

can you take down everyone's messages?

- Yep.

- It's not that taxing, is it?

Writing something

on a scrap of paper?

- Nope.

- Right.

Dom, hi...

Come on, it was pretty funny.

- Will you do what he said?

- I ain't doing nothing for him.

Do it for me, then.

I'm sorry, Shaun.

- It's all right.

- No, no.

I'm sorry, Shaun.

Oh!

Oh, my God, that's rotten.

- I'll stop doing 'em when you stop laughing.

- I am not laughing.

- Get that.

- You get it.

'Shaun, it's me.

I'm gonna be a bit tied up today

'so can you book the table

for eight rather than seven?

'I'll try you at work. Bye, bye.'

Hey! You're dead.

- Spare some change, please, mister?

- Yeah.

Watch out. Are you blind?

'The American

deep space probe Omega 6

'unexpectedly re-entered

Earth's atmosphere over England

'and broke apart over... '

Nelson?

Nelson?

Hello, my friend. No beer today?

No, it's a bit early for me.

Gather round, everyone.

Gather round, please.

Gather round.

As well as Mr Sloman being off today

I'm afraid Ash is feeling

a little bit under the weather,

so I will be taking charge as the...

- Oldest.

- Senior staff member.

So if we can all pull together...

- Hello? Hello, mate.

- Noel?

I was totally munted last night.

Yeah, I spoke to him. He's only got Henry.

All right, mate. Laters.

- Continue.

- Thank you.

Erm, as Mr Sloman always says,

there's no I in team but there is an I in pie.

In... There's an I in meat pie.

The anagram of meat is team...

I don't know what he's talking about.

Phones off. It's not a social gathering.

- All right, keep your hair on, grandad.

- Hey! I'm 29 for Christ's sakes.

- How old are you? 20? 21?

- 17.

Hey, well...

I know you don't wanna be here forever.

I got things I wanna do with my life.

When?

You got red on you.

Hello, mate.

This one comes with

a basic digital package.

You've got your lifestyle channels there,

a bit of Trisha.

Er, you've got entertainment.

I don't know what that is.

News. All the basic, er... news...

- channels.

- 'Bizarre events... '

'Coming after me... '

- Shaun.

- I'm with customers.

It's your dad.

He's not my dad,

he's my stepdad.

Philip.

Shaun.

You haven't forgotten about tomorrow?

- No.

- Your bimonthly visit.

No, I haven't forgotten.

You could bring the flowers

you forgot on Mother's Day.

I was gonna.

And not a cheap posy

from a garage forecourt.

I wasn't gonna.

Well, we look forward to

seeing you tomorrow.

OK.

You've got red on you.

- I thought it wasn't a social gathering?

- What?

How comes you're allowed to

speak to your dad?

A, he's not my dad, OK? He's my stepdad.

And B, it was an emergency.

What, like buying your mum some flowers?

Noel, I do not find it difficult

to keep my work and my social life separate.

Shaun, it's Liz for you.

- Hello.

- 'Hello, it's me.'

- Hello.

- 'Did you get my message? '

- Yep.

- 'So it's all OK, then? '

- Yep.

- 'Eight at the place with all the fish?

'Cool, that's great. Just ring me later.'

- Goodbye, Liz.

- 'Bye. Bye, bye, bye.'

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