Shimmer Lake Page #6

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Relax, hombre, you think I'm gonna care,

when I'm drinking pia coladas

on some deserted playa,

about you and your 19-year-old

f***ing butt-buddy?

Oh, Jesus f***!

Whenever you're ready

with those digits, Judge.

It's, uh... six, three times to the left,

28, four times to the right,

86, three times to the left.

Three times to the left. Got it.

[hangs up]

You can kickoff

whenever you're ready, man.

You want me to take a shift tonight?

Nah, nah. Bank duty is the sheriff's job.

Dawkins will give me hell if it's not me

guarding his precious crop money.

Plus, I don't want to ruin your night.

You seeing this mysterious Wendy again?

Holy sh*t! You are.

- Is it getting serious?

- No, it's just dinner.

That's how it starts,

and then the next thing you know,

little Wendys running

all around your house.

Oh...

I don't know, I don't know.

- 602.

- 602.

- Not 206.

- 602.

- I got it!

- All right.

[scoffs]

What? It ain't like one drink

never killed nobody.

Chris, we need every brain cell you've got

left in your head tonight, okay?

Is... Is he making another stupid joke?

- 'Cause I didn't get it!

- I'm not f***ing around!

- Hey, stop!

- Relax! Relax, okay?

Everybody needs to chill the f*** out.

That's what I'm trying to do.

This whole thing is freaking me out.

Chris, Chris. Everything's gonna be fine.

- Okay? Isn't that right, Andy?

- Five minutes. Easy in, easy out.

You don't even have to leave your car.

Yeah, well, why are we taking

my car anyway?

Because everyone knows

I drive a bitchin' Camaro

and Andy drives a gay-ass Porsche.

No one has the slightest clue

as to what you drive. That's why.

They probably think

that you don't even know how to drive.

Of course, I f***ing drive!

That's why I'm the goddamn driver.

Yeah, and Andy's the lookout,

and I'm the one handling the safe.

And if we all just do our jobs,

then everything will be perfectly fine.

Look, he's right, Chris.

My brother doesn't even lock the door.

I think he figures that the fact

that he's inside,

no one is gonna try anything.

[chuckles]

Seriously, he must be the stupidest cop

in the history of the police force.

- Hey, Ed, can I talk to you a sec?

- Yeah.

You know, you really shouldn't talk

about your own brother like that.

Shut up. Just shut up.

[clears throat]

[Chris and Andy talking indistinctly]

What's up?

I'm sorry about what happened

this morning.

Wow. [Chuckles]

That's a new one.

Listen, I've... I've been thinking

about what you said.

About how you thought

you'd left this life behind.

Did you mean that?

Yeah.

Then you should call this whole thing off.

Call this whole thing... What do you mean?

This whole thing was your idea.

Chris, Andy, Dawkins. You said

they'd all play ball and they f***ing did.

Ed, I'm serious.

It's not too late.

[clears throat]

Don't get skittish on me now, all right?

We got this. Trust me.

You're gonna be singing

a very different tune in a few hours

when you're a very rich woman.

All right, where were we, boys?

[taps on table]

[indistinct chatter]

- Evening, fellas.

- Oh, Sheriff Sikes, my man!

Listen, I can't tell you how grateful I am

that you're going to all this trouble

to help us out once again.

Really, it is no trouble at all.

Great. Well, same procedure as usual.

Uh, the cash will spend the night in here.

In the morning, we'll take it out,

divvy it out to the other branches

to be paid out to the farmers

when they come to cash their checks.

That'll be going on for a few days.

Hold on one second.

- There you go.

- Thank you.

Thank you, my man. Thank you.

So, uh, unless there's anything else,

I'm just gonna be heading home.

I gotta get home

before Allison pitches a fit.

I gotta be there

right when dinner is served.

Judge, uh... you wanna...

Oh! Yeah, sorry.

[chuckles]

Hey, listen, just as a point of curiosity,

what would happen if someone

tried to rob this bank tonight?

You'd shoot 'em, right?

Well, that sort of depends

on the situation.

Ideally, I'd like to arrest them

without resorting to violence.

Well, shoot first, ask questions later.

That's what I always say.

Know what I mean?

Um, not really, no.

Just know that if anything like that

were ever to happen,

I'd have your back a hundred percent.

I mean, no matter what the circumstances.

That's awfully kind of you to say, Judge.

Though, hopefully, tonight will just be

your typical quiet night at the bank.

Of course. Okay. Well, I hope

you brought a crossword puzzle.

[chuckles]

Okay. Good-bye.

[door squeaking open]

[footsteps approaching]

You move one muscle and I'll blow

your f***ing brains all over the wall!

Okay, get his gun.

You... You get his gun. You get his...

F***! You get the gun!

Okay. Now, go. Destroy it!

- I can't!

- Cuff yourself!

- Too high.

- What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Smash it! Just smash it! Smash it!

Smash it!

- Smash it!

- I am!

Smash it! What are you doing?

Don't f***ing move!

Cut the wires! Cut the wires!

Just smash it! Smash it!

Uh, yeah! Okay. Okay.

Good! Now, go!

Let me guess. Step two: Unlock vault.

Shut the f*** up!

Or I'll shoot you in the face!

Hey, what's happening?

What the f*** do you think is happening?

We're robbing a bank.

I know, but inside, is it going good?

Yeah, Chris.

It's going real good. Super good.

Okay.

F***! Come on!

What is this, The Price is Right?

How many times you gonna spin that dial?

- Shut up or I'll shoot you...

- In the face. I get it, I get it.

- Do you mind if I finish my dinner?

- Will you just shut the f*** up?

F***!

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Get back!

- Just a second.

- Get back! Stay back!

Stay back! I'll shoot!

What are you...? Go back! Go back!

What are you doing?

What the f*** are you doing?

What are you...?

Let me see it.

You think I care about the money?

It's all federally insured anyway.

You...? You don't care

if I take the money?

- Easy, Ed, your accent's slippin'.

- I'm not Ed! I'm Doug!

Schwarzenegger!

Arnold's less successful... brother.

F*** it! All right. Yeah, it's me!

I'm gonna be long gone,

anyway, by the time they get you

out of that f***ing vault.

Huh? So, here. Good luck.

It's 86.

How do you read that

as a f***ing eight, huh?

Six, 28, 86. It's his...

It's his f***ing wedding anniversary.

[scoffs] Yeah.

I can see it now with my...

with my mask off. Okay.

Yeah! Whoo!

Hey, Andy,

you think when this is all over,

things will go back

to the way they were before?

I sure as f*** hope not.

No, I mean, like, before everything.

Like, Ed Jr.

It'll never be like it was before Ed Jr.

Yeah. I guess people

really don't like dead kids, huh?

Yeah, no sh*t. They f***ing love 'em.

We had some pretty good times

back in the day.

You and me. But now, 'cause of tonight...

I'll probably never see you again.

I guess that means

you're not planning on shootin' me.

Come on, Z, you think I'm actually capable

of doing something like that?

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